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My hand went to his arm, but he didn’t respond, like he didn’t even feel me.
In a trance, he continued to walk, his eyes on the floor…and his heart left behind in that apartment.
Dex was down for a couple days.
He worked like usual, and at the end of the day, we would go to his place and have our regular routine. We would cook, watch TV, make love, and do it all over again the next day. And while he seemed happy doing those things, there was this permanent coat of sadness to him now.
On Thursday morning, I went into his office with his morning coffee and oat bowl.
He was preparing for his first patient and didn’t seem to care about the food.
“You want to talk about it?”
He looked up at the question. Our eyes met for a long time before he understood my meaning. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a downer. I’m happy. I really am. It’s just gonna take some time to get used to.”
“Really? Because you seem pretty miserable, Dex.”
He dropped his look, as if ashamed. “I’m not miserable. It’s just hard to love someone this much and not be able to see or talk to them whenever I feel like it. It’ll take some time before Catherine and I get used to a more even schedule. And for now, I don’t want to push her too much because just losing him for the weekend broke her heart, which I totally understand. I have to be patient and know we’ll get there eventually.”
“How would an even schedule work? You can’t watch a baby when you’re doing surgery or teaching your residents.”
He shrugged. “I can take him to research.”
“And bring him in the lab?” I asked incredulously.
“I can always pick him up after work.”
“That’s going to be a lot for him, to come and go every day, and Catherine isn’t going to want to give him away every weekend.” There was no good solution to this, not from where I stood.
“Then…I’ll terminate my position at the Kline Clinic, and we’ll rearrange my schedule so I can have him for several days consecutively. We’ll figure it out. Besides, that gives us the weekends, so that’s nice.”
“Yeah.”
He turned to his coffee and took a drink. “I’ll be ready in a couple minutes, so you can have Andrea get the first patient started.”
I nodded. “Sure thing.”
It was shortly after lunch when Catherine stepped out of the elevator and approached the desk, holding Ryan in her arms with his bag over her shoulder. She was in a pencil skirt and blouse, ready for a meeting, and she didn’t look like she’d ever had a baby at all.
Dex had been poking his head out all day, waiting for Ryan to arrive, and he’d just returned to his office when the elevator doors opened.
I stared at her from my desk. “Hey, Catherine.”
When she looked at me, there was a subtle glare, like she couldn’t be professional when it came to me. But she cleared her throat and pushed through it. “Hey, Sicily. How are you?”
“Good. You?”
All she gave was a nod.
I rose to my feet and looked at Ryan. “Hey, Little Dude.” I gave him a big smile and my warmth.
Ryan waved.
Catherine didn’t crack a smile.
“I’ll let Dex know you’re here—”
“Actually, hold on.” She came closer to the desk, still carrying her son, and she lowered her voice so no one else could hear. “Look, I don’t want you to misinterpret what I’m about to say to you, but…we’re a family.”
It was like a punch to the gut.
“I know I messed up with Dex. I have no defense against that. But we’ve been together for a long time, and what we had was the real deal. There’s no doubt in my mind that Dex would give me another chance if…you know. You have no idea how hard that was to let my son leave for a weekend, and I’m sure you’ve noticed how much it hurts Dex when he has to drop him off. Then it’s holidays and birthday parties… Please don’t do this to us. Maybe you deserve Dex more than I do, and I’m sure you really love him and you’re a great person who wouldn’t have messed up the way I did, but…please don’t rip my family apart. Please…just think about it.”
Twenty-Two
Dex
Ryan was my second-in-command.
When I saw patients throughout the day, he was sometimes tucked inside his carrying pouch, grabbing the papers that I held up to my face, eyeing the family on the couch across from me, sometimes laughing, and then other times, he was on the floor, playing with his toys and crawling all over the place.
Thankfully, the patients thought he was adorable…because he was.
After the end of the day, Catherine picked him up, and it was like getting my heart shattered all over again. I kissed him goodbye and then grabbed my stuff to leave when Dad texted me. Just left the office. Want to get a beer?
