AllFreeNovel
Share Us
These are not the words I want to be saying, but I don’t want to mislead her. Not again. “I get it; it’s fucking hard living my life. New Yorkers are tame compared to the rest of the world. I’m not saying you need to decide right now. If things are like this between us—”
“Are you saying you don’t want …” She pauses to swallow. “… me anymore?”
I cup my jaw. “Not possible. For better or for worse, we are … We’re us,” I say solemnly.
It’s the only word that fits. We’re not anything that’s ever existed before. Two stars. One only shines when surrounded by darkness. The other shines bright no matter what.
I gaze into her eyes, and … oh, how
I wish I was fucking her. I want to tell her, “You’ve never shared me. You consume me. You motivate me. You, and you alone see me.” But those words, they’re paltry. They mean nothing. I need to show her.
I stroke her cheek with the back of my hand and run my fingers down her neck, trace that comet shaped spray of freckles on her neck, and place my thumb on the pulse point in her neck. I search her eyes, let her see the one thing that is an absolute truth.
“I will never stop wanting you. Never. And if I have to, I’ll chase you for the rest of my life. I just … don’t want you to feel pressured. If you’re still unsure …” I sit back on the couch and stare at the ceiling. I’m fucking exhausted. But, I’ve got to sort things out with Nanette once and for all.
I’ve been working like crazy trying to pretend to be a normal every day guy. But, I’m not anymore, and I have a shit ton of work to do. And I’m gearing up to get ready to go back to school.
I’m so fucking tired.
“I understand,” she says in a voice devoid of all emotion.
I hate putting that disappointment in her voice. I want to kneel in front of her and beg her to come.
“This didn’t go quite as I planned.” I try to add a laugh, but it’s tired and lame. Just like me.
“I’m sorry.” She bites her lip guiltily.
Guilt is the last thing I want her to feel when she thinks about me.
“No, never apologize to me for how you’re feeling, Sunshine.” I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her bowed head. “Your name is at the door, you can bring up to five guests. If you’re not up to it, I promise, I’ll understand. I’m leaving for LA right afterward, so if you don’t come, I’ll see you when I get back next week.”
“You’re going to LA?” She sits up suddenly.
“Yeah, last minute business meeting and stuff with the show,” I tell her.
“Oh, okay.” She nods.
“I’ll see you?” I ask, deliberately not defining when that may be.
Then, I walk out and pray like fuck she’ll call after me. But when I step onto the elevator, I know she’s not coming. And when the doors close, I feel less hope than I have in a long time.
And in my head, questions swirl like dead leaves in a strong gust of wind—useless, messy questions that I can’t hold of long enough to answer. Did I overestimate her feelings? Am I an idiot to think I’ll ever be able to move on with her without telling her? What will I do if she doesn’t come tomorrow night? What the hell is Nanette doing here? At that, my thoughts come to a screeching halt.
Fuck. I should have seen this coming.
She called almost every day for a week a couple of months ago. I was busy planning my move. Not that I would have ever answered them, but it made ignoring them completely easier. After a week, she stopped calling.
I feel a knot of worry build. If she’s here, it can’t be a good thing. I pull out my phone and dial her number.
Yes
Apollo
“He’s like his own solar system,” Josie, Reena’s friend, shouts into my ear. The awe in her voice is viscous. It sticks to the skin of my cheek and shoulder as she stands behind me. I swallow down the ball of irritation that I feel every time anyone talks about Graham like they know him.
I glance at her—my forced reply on the tip of my tongue. And there it is destined to remain.
Her eyes are fixed on something on the other side of the club, the light in them positively feral.
