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That’s how I felt my whole life … Sure that I’ll find my place
As much as I love the books, the letter to you dad is the best thing I’ve ever read. I keep it in a safe place and read it every night.
I wanted to write sooner, but we had a lot to figure out and get sorted. When we first got here, we lived with the Fergusons. But that was only for a few weeks.
Where we live now is okay. It’s only got one bedroom and bathroom though. I sleep on the pullout in the living room for now, but we’re working on getting a bigger place.
I started school. It’s a really fancy private school in Beverly Hills. Mama works in the cafeteria there, so they gave me a scholarship. They have the biggest library I’ve seen since we’ve been here, and I check out as many books as I want. I’m in ninth grade now. I love school. I’m learning everything I can. I think I want to be a teacher. My teachers all seem to love what they’re doing, and I think it would be cool to teach kids. Maybe not high school, but younger. Science is my favorite subject. I’ll show you some of the cool experiments I’ve done when we see each other.
I made friends with these guys, Reece, Omar, and David. We’re all on the track team together. None of them like to read, except Dave, but he only reads science fiction. But they’re all really nice. They all live in Beverly Hills. You should see their houses. Reece has a movie theatre inside of his. Wait till you see it.
I’m happy that we met that summer, Apollo. You’re still my best friend. I used the money I earned cutting grass in our neighborhood to buy you a copy of my newest favorite book. I hope you don’t mind that I read it once before I sent it to you. It’s called To Kill A Mockingbird, and I think it’s the best book I’ve ever read. I know you don’t like fiction, but I think you’ll like this.
In a year, I can get a real job, too. I think I want to work in a gym or something. I don’t know. I want to help my mom more. She’s always so tired, and if I get a job, maybe she can quit one of hers. Anyway, I hope you like the book.
I love you,
GSD (Those are my new initials. S is for Star, but you better never tell anyone. D is for Davis. It’s my mama’s last name.)
I fold the letter I’ve been re-reading every day for the last month. I tried to remind myself who the man I really loved was. I cling to it like a lifeline.
“They’re lining up,” Helena whispers in my ear.
I look up, and my eyes find Graham right away. He’s impossible to miss.
He’s like the Redwood of the human species. Taller and bigger, rarer, and more beautiful than everyone else.
I look down the row I’m seated at and see that everyone else’s eyes are trained on the stage. Helena is beaming at the stage, and even the ravages of cancer can’t erase the glow in her cheeks as she watches her son with pride. Her gray eyes sparkle as she watches the stage, waiting to catch a glimpse of her son. Even though she’s in the middle of aggressive cancer treatment, she insisted on being here. Despite the unusually hot June day, she’s wearing a blue UCLA sweater and a gold, wide-brimmed fedora.
Her frail, thin-skinned hand pats my knee every few minutes. I can’t tell if she’s checking to make sure I’m still there or comforting because somehow, she knows my heart is breaking.
She’s an incredible woman. We shared a long and teary embrace the first time I saw her again. Neither of us mentioned our first encounter, but our hug said things that no words ever could. Her embrace was full of gratitude and love. Mine conveyed the same. It’s because of her I have Graham in my life. I wish I’d been able to get to know her better. Her illness has made that hard. But every time we see each other, we share that same hug, and I know that I’m as special to her as she is to me.
His best friends, the rest of the “Horsemen” as the four of them are called after a picture of them at the Polo Club went viral, are there. They’ve been inseparable since high school. When I met them, I understood immediately why they were so drawn to each other. They were all born with exceptional, once-in-a-lifetime talent. Reece was born to swim. Omar has a golden foot, and Dave’s hands, ears, eyes, and brain all worked in perfect harmony to make the most beautiful sound anybody had heard in a long time. As for Graham, it’s his beauty and his natural charm. The rest of them are already celebrities, there’s omniscience about them that makes them all seem larger than life.
“He’s too beautiful to be locked in a classroom all day. Too charming to not use it.”
That was what his “agent” said when she overheard me asking Helena about Graham’s plans after graduation this morning.
Maybe she’s right. But, I don’t care. I hate her.
Like an errant rain cloud in an otherwise faultless blue sky, she’s the stain on what should be the making of beautiful memories. I look down to where she’s sitting. She’s watching me—her ice blue eyes are thoughtful. I want to give her the finger. Instead, I scowl at her.
Her eyes widen slightly before she turns up her stupidly perfect nose and looks back toward the stage.
When I walked into the restaurant where his graduation dinner was being held, Graham’s jaw hit the floor. His surprise morphed into happiness and he stood up and swept me up into a bear hug. For a second it gave me hope that the last year had really been about him working hard to take care of his family. Then, she stood up behind him, put a hand on his shoulder and said, “Graham, darling, aren’t you going to introduce us?”
His whole demeanor changed then. He flinched at her touch, and his eyes turned to stone when he said, “Apollo, this is Nanette, my agent,” and then
he sat down. All night, she had one of her French manicured fingers resting on his arm or his leg or tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. He never shook her off. He let her touch him like she had a right to. He didn’t look in my direction again the rest of the night.
The jealousy that had embedded itself into my heart last night had been cold and creeping when I left the restaurant. Now, it flows like a river in my veins.
When the invitation to his graduation arrived a month ago, I’d been on the fence about going. I hadn’t seen him since we got back from London. Sometimes, I think I imagined the whole trip.
Everything we’d talked about—all of his promises—had fallen apart, one by one. I understood the need for him to delay initially. When he called to tell me about his mother, I’d wanted to go to him. But my mother was having an episode, and Tante Isabel couldn’t come up from Arizona to help for another two weeks.
But then, I got a text from him saying I shouldn’t come because things were hectic, and he was working a lot and didn’t have any weekends off.
