Page 64 of Envy


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“Forget me. What about you?” I stare beseechingly at him. “I hate to see you turn your back on your dreams.”

“I’m not,” he bites out through clenched teeth, the muscle in his jaw jumping.

“You had bigger dreams than being Instagram famous. But that’s all you seem to care about. Well, that and Nanette.”

He walks past me to the door. “You know what? I’m sorry my dreams aren’t lofty enough for you. I’m sorry you’re jealous of Nanette. I’m sorry I’m not the poor boy you can treat like a charity case.” He flings these words at me like a rubber band. They bite, wound, and stun me.

Is that what he thinks? Before I can ask, he yanks the door open. My eyes widen in shock. “Are you really kicking me out?”

“If you’re willing to throw our friendship away because I can’t fuck you right now, then go ahead.” He jerks his thumb toward the now open door. “Then, yes. I am. Leave.”

His words have the effect of an openhanded slap in the face.

I blink to clear my vision and stare at him, dazed and so hurt.

“Do you not know me at all? You think I’m mad that you won’t fuck me? You think that’s why I’m leaving?” I ask him incredulously.

My heart feels like it’s been yanked from its foundation and smashed to a thousand pieces. Still, I can only think one thing. “I love …” I stop to inhale a shuddering breath to bolster my shaky voice.

“I love you,” I manage.

His eyes squeeze shut as if looking at me is painful.

I forge ahead. “I’m leaving because I can’t stand that you don’t love me back.”

He scoffs, dismissing my words and me with that single, casual breath.

“If that’s what you really think, then you don’t know me,” he says without any emotion.

I nod and fight like hell to keep my lip from trembling.

Not one more tear.

I hold my chin up and avoid his eyes as I approach.

“The universe is calling,” I say with a bravado I don’t feel as I step through the door he’s holding open.

Graham laughs. It’s bitter and ugly and strains the alrea

dy unraveling thread on my resolve to not shed one more tear for him. Not ever again. He didn’t deserve them.

“Sure, yeah. Go answer her call. Maybe one day, I can too,” he says bitterly.

“One day, like the one day you talked about in London? You never learn your lessons, Graham. But, I do. I’ll never believe a word you say again,” I say and let my disdain color every word.

The last thing I see before he shuts the door in my face is Graham’s thunderous gaze. I stand and stare at it for a minute before I find the strength to walk away.

Tante Isabel always said, “People who love each other are never without each other. Even if they’re not in the same place physically.” She says that to me whenever I cry for the people I’ve lost. And it usually comforts me. Even though it’s not true.

My sister is gone.

My father is gone.

My mother … might as well be.

Now, Graham is gone, too.

I lick my lips and taste him there. I can’t stop the tears that start from a well of disappointment deep inside of me and spill down my face. But as I walk away from the love of my life, I promise myself these will be the last tears I shed for him. I’m done.

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