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Softly.
Surely.
This time, though, as I fly off the side of the cliff, I know I’ll have to save myself.
Slowly, with an aching reluctance and gnawing regret, my hands slip from his hair. My lips, having had what they want, must now yield to what I need.
I break our kiss and almost choke on the burning ball of woe in my chest when his hands clutch at me as I pull out of his grasp. I stare at the ground while I try to catch my breath. In my periphery, I can see his hands clenching and relaxing repeatedly.
“I’ve had enough. I’m leaving,” I say wearily. I stuff my feet into my flats and then bend to tie them.
He grabs my arms, but I can’t look at him.
“I know you can’t understand. I know you’re angry at me. You should be. But, I need you, Apollo. Believe it or not, I am yours. And, you can’t give me back.” His voice breaks and my will cracks. “Don’t leave … please.” The ache in his voice feels like salt in my wound. The sting of it snuffs out the lingering intoxication from our kiss.
I raise burning eyes to him. “This is all your fault!” I shout at him.
He takes a step back, his face pales. I count to five in my head and speak in a quieter voice.
“I’ve waited for you. You asked me to, and then you just decide you’d rather be a playboy or something?” I say in disgust.
“Apollo, it’s not that. I’ve just had a lot … it’s been fucking hard.” He stares at the floor and shakes his head as if I wouldn’t understand. How can I? He won’t tell me anything.
“You’re not the only one who’s had a hard time, Graham.”
He lifts his head slowly, his expression stony.
I shiver when he drags his cold, hard granite gaze over me. His eyes are more deliberate when they lingers on the delicate spray of diamonds that float on the delicate gold chains around my neck.
“You look just fine to me,” he says. His eyebrows are raised as if he’s daring me to prove him wrong.
My hackles rise.
“What?” I demand, raising my eyebrows in return. “Because I have money, I’m not allowed to have problems?” I curl my lip in disgust. “Fuck, I don’t even really have money. It’s my father’s money. And I get an allowance. And if I want more, I have to live a life I don’t want. For years.” My frustration and resentment bubble in my chest.
“No amount of money is worth giving up my dreams for. Life is short. You don’t get a second chance. I have dreams—I want to chase them. I want quiet. I want art and long walks in the park. I want to travel and learn. I want to gaze at the stars. I want to fucking read with my best friend.” My heart aches and I have to bite my lip to keep it from trembling.
Graham just watches me, his expression not softening as I try not to fall apart. “Yeah, Apollo, I know you’ve had some personal issues and that your rich Pollyanna life is hell on earth because you’d rather be traipsing in a park or lying in a hammock on the beach.”
I recoil at the scorn dripping from his voice, but he doesn’t seem to notice.
“You think I don’t wish I could have made different choices?” He shakes his head in disgust—whether it’s at me or life, I can’t tell. “Yeah, your dad is dead. So’s mine. At least yours left you with money, comfort, security. All mine left was an abusive stepfather and sick mother.”
“This isn’t about who has it worse,” I groan. “It’s about living our lives and being true to ourselves. And you’ve changed.” I swallow hard, and then I can’t hold his eyes anymore.
“I have no—”
“You have. You went to college and majored in education. You wanted to be a teacher. Now you’re a personal trainer. And you’ve got Nanette. And your stupid Four Horsemen thing with your friends at the Polo Club.”
He flinches, but his gaze turns cold. “Wow, I didn’t realize you thought so little of me,” he says stonily.
“I didn’t—”
“So what if I like that I’m not invisible anymore? Is it so bad that people see me? I’m sorry you can’t handle it,” he shouts.
Graham’s words are barbed in a resentment I’ve never heard from him before. My chest tightens as the chasm between us widens. And, in the place where we used to be, there are shards of glass that will never be part of a whole again.
I walk over to him and put my hand on his arm. He looks down at me, his eyes smoldering with indignation.
