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“You talk a lot. But, so do I. We can be nervous together. We’re in the same department. We’re both spreading our wings for the first time. We can support each other.”
“Exactly,” she says emphatically.
“We can talk more—”
The loud piercing sound of interference interrupts me, and we all wince and turn toward the stage as the orientation begins and listen to the head of our department give the orientation speech for the incoming class of new masters candidates.
“He’s cute.” Reena nudges me and nods to a man standing in the doorway.
“You think?” I pretend to take a closer look. “He is. I suppose. He’s nice, too. And smart.”
“You know him?”
“Yes,” I answer cryptically.
“Is he married?”
“No.” I giggle because she’s looking increasingly excited.
“How do you know? Look at him. Men who look like that are always married. Usually to a hag who’s the nicest person on the planet and he doesn’t care that she looks like Medusa.”
I snicker. She’s got such an imagination.
“Shhhhhh!” The woman in front of us turns around and glares at us.
“Sorry,” Reena says and mimics zipping her lip and turning back to face the stage.
I look back at the man she was talking about. It’s Lucas. My boyfriend of all of two weeks. He’s leaning on the doorframe, head bent to his phone.
He’s from New York. From a family of artists. His mother is a very successful photographer, and his father is a painter. Lucas is an Investment Banker. He looks the part. His dark hair is parted on the side and slicked down in a style that reminds me of Clark Kent. His tall, lanky frame is draped in a dark blue, three-piece pinstripe that he just ordered from his tailor on Saville Row. I still don’t know how I ended up with him.
From the night I met him at a bar near my halls of residence, he made it very clear he’s interested in me. I’d been in London for a few days. He was sexy.
I was flattered.
I went home with him.
He was nice, and I was lonely. After our first time together, he asked if he could take me out. I said yes. Even though kissing him hadn’t been particularly exciting. At least not compared to what I’d felt when I kissed Graham.
But he had other qualities. The most important one being that he actually wanted to be with me.
He can be very kind, too.
One night I was frantically trying to finish a paper, and my computer crashed. Lucas was the first person I called. I knew he’d answer and I knew he’d be there.
He came over, brought food and his laptop and helped me move my paper from my computer and onto his and stayed up with me all night until I was done.
When he kissed me that night, I reminded myself how unfair it was to compare Lucas to something he could never be.
He was kind and present when I desperately needed it. I wanted to be physically close to someone. I wanted to experience being part of a couple. He’s really nice to me, and I guess I’m attracted to him. I have no reason to end things with him, so we’ve stayed together.
On the days where I can’t push Graham away, I’m very aware that kissing Lucas feels like settling. I question my choices. I wonder if I overreacted. And, the only person I can think of to call when I feel that way is Graham.
I wouldn’t know what to say after all this time. After that disastrous morning at his place. I went back to Las Vegas and threw myself into getting the credits I needed to apply for this Master’s program.
I ignored his calls. It had been easy. I was angry and hurt. After a couple of weeks had gone by, the anger didn’t feel so raw and consuming. The hurt had lost some of its bite.
By the time I was done listening, I was hysterical.
