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A huge spider is crawling on top of the piano, and I nearly bust my ass scrambling away from it. I’ve got a real phobia. Seeing it made me forget everything else for a second.
“What in the world is going on?” Carter looks behind me.
I point it. “There’s a spider. Kill it, hurry.” I scream and point.
He scoffs, “I thought there was a fucking chainsaw murderer standing behind me or something.”
“Close enough. Please,” I beg, not taking my eyes off the creature.
He walks over calmly and just looks at it. Then he picks up a piece of notepaper from the stack and puts it in the spider’s path. I watch in horror as crawls onto it and he carries it over to the window, slides it open and throws it outside.
I walk over to him and eye him askance. “That must be a city thing. Around here we just squish ‘em with our heel.”
His smile is rueful, now. “He wasn’t hurting anybody. I know what it is to go from minding your own business to suddenly facing certain destruction. And I know what it means to be given a lift instead of being crushed. Once you’ve received mercy, you’re more inclined to give it. Makes the world a better place.” He laughs deprecatingly and waves the paper.
I don’t know about mercy, but he makes my world a better place. I want to tell him that, but I can barely breathe around the tears clogging my throat.
This is the man I used to dream about. And he’s right here. Offering himself to me.
And I can’t have him.
“Are you okay?” His brow furrows in concern and he reaches a hand out toward my bare shoulder, like he’s going to touch me. The skin there, exposed and vulnerable tingles like my nerves are reaching out, trying to meet his hand halfway.
His head lowers, and in his eyes, I see the same helpless confusion .
“What are we going to do?” I whisper and bite my lower lip as I stare at his.
His eyes narrow and dart to my lips before coming back to mine.
“I w
ant you to be with me …I love you,” his voice is full of wonder. His breath wafts over my lips but his words send shockwaves to my senses.
Oh my God. He said it. My heart swells and I gaze up at his face in utter surprise. “What?”
He grins. “I never stopped, baby.” He wraps his arms around me and brings his face close to mine. “Forget about Duke. He’s not for you. I know I wasn’t here and he stepped in. But I’m the one. Your one. We’ll figure it out. I’ll come back in between tours. When you figure out art school, you can come to New York. I’ll help you find a place to live and all of that…”
He’s still talking but I stop listening. What was I thinking?
This is exactly what happened last time. He’ll leave. And I’ll have to deal with the fallout. Just remembering the last time makes my blood run cold. I step back and shake my head.
“Carter, I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m sorry,” I say quietly.
The appearance of a furrow in his brow precedes his frown. Then, there’s a flush in his cheeks and a flare in his nostrils before his full lips flatten.
I’m hurting him. I’m hurting both of us.
But I can’t risk everything I’ve sacrificed on some promises I’ve heard before. Everything is different. But not different enough.
He puts his hands on his hips and looks down at the floor, shaking his head, and his lips are moving.
“Are you talking to yourself?” I take a step toward him and his head comes up. The look in his eyes stops me dead in my tracks. He looks disillusioned but defiant.
“Is it Duke? You want to marry him.”
I nod, but he must see the truth in my eyes.
He grunts. “Liar. You haven’t talked about him once in the weeks that he’s been gone. He hasn’t you called once.”
