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“You don’t know that.”
"Oh, I do know. Because I’ve been here every night for nearly two months. You fall asleep listening to me play. You eat dinner with me. You spend your weekends cooped up here with me. You’re with me. But you’re telling me he’s what you want? I don’t believe you.”
“It doesn’t matter what you believe.” I retort.
His eyes dart away like he’s calculating something. Then he sets his jaw and looks back at me. "Etta said he’s marrying you for money.”
I bristle at the mention of her name and the fact that Duke told her that. But I lift my chin and shrug. “So what if he is?”
His eyes bug out of his head. “And you don’t care? You’d be stupid to marry him knowing that.”
After years of being called that by my father and feeling it myself, I recoil to hear it from him mouth.
I walk up to him and poke my finger in his chest, my face mutinously angry. “Don’t call me stupid. Not ever again. I know what I’m doing. And I can rely on him to not let me down. I don’t need him to love him. Or be faithful. That’s not important to me.”
His eyes narrow and his jaw grows taut. “Then who’re you being faithful to when you’re keeping me at arm’s length?”
His indignation, his inability to understand is too much. “Myself.” I slap a hand to my chest. "My heart. I haven’t had a connection like this, one that makes everything so clear in my life. Not ever. But you’re making promises again. And I can’t take the chance that you’ll break them again. Yeah, he doesn’t love me and only wants my money. But he’s not going to leave me broken the way you will.”
He shakes his head in disappointment and steps away from me "I’m sorry I let you down when I was nineteen years old and scared of my own fucking shadow, Beth. And I would do anything for your forgiveness. I’d give my fucking life to take it all back. But I can’t. And if you’re going to keep throwing that in my face, then you know what?” He looks out of the window, his lips compressed in a thin line
“What?” My breath hitches and I wait for him to tell me.
“I’m done dangling from your hook. And maybe it’s time for me to go.”
All the air leaves my lungs.
He stands and walks out of the room.
The thud of his footfalls tracks his journey to the front door, and the slam of it behind him, signals the end of it.
The resounding quiet that follows is terrifying.
I’ve ruined this.
I struggle to draw breath and my blood feels too thick for my veins.
But after a few deep inhales, I’m still alive.
And that’s how I’ll get through this.
One breath at a time.
It hurts, but it’s what should happen.
This whole summer has been like an out of body experience. But it was never going to last. This heartbreak was inevitable, just like he said. I’ll get over him.
As if to remind me that I can’t lie myself, my heart constricts painfully
Oh God. What am I doing to do?
29
Carter
Closer
Dina slides into the booth across from me. She’s almost an hour late and she doesn’t even say hello.
