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But she pulls back, opens her door, steps inside, and closes the door behind her, her face a mask of indecision.
I stare at the door. I’m not feeling indecision about what needs to happen next. I can taste her on my tongue, I want more.
16
* * *
I close the door behind me and press my forehead against it. What am I doing? I feel so many contradictions in this moment.
My whole body is a live wire. Every single nerve ending is aroused. That conversation went easier than I expected. But everything between us has always been so easy.
And all I can think about is how badly I want to be close to him. How much I need him.
Why have I turned him away?
I rub my hand across my neck, and touch the spot that is still wet from his tongue. This is crazy.
I start to open the door when it flies open. Dean is standing there, and I know he has been the whole time. He can’t leave me anymore than I can let him go. His hands are balled into fists by his side and his eyes are blazing.
He looks so beautiful.
“Uh, Dean? What’s going on?” I stammer.
My pulse is beating a flagrant staccato and my body is on high alert. And yet, I take a step toward him. There is a pull, some invisible tether, reeling me closer to him.
He steps toward me, too. His stride is long and aggressive. He expression is furious, and yet all I feel is a thrill of anticipation.
“I'm not going to walk down the hall. I'm not going to sleep in the room next to yours and wait. Fuck waiting. I don’t know if when I go to sleep tonight, I'm going to open my eyes tomorrow. Nothing is promised. And I'm not spending one more day apart from you.” His voice is raspy, his eyes burn into me, and my mouth positively waters.
He closes the gap between us and spans my waist with both of his hands. He bends slightly so that we’re nose to nose. His eyes capture mine and refuse to let go. In them, I see my own heart’s song. One of need, impatience, and love. Right now, life and love are deciding for us.
“I know you want to take things slowly, but we have wasted thirteen years. We have let enough come between us, and I'm done.”
He looks more earnest than I have ever seen him. His heart is being held out to me, he's offering himself to me. And I'm going to reach out and grab him.
His lips come so close to mine that as he speaks, they touch.
“I know one thing, and only one thing, for certain, and that is I was placed on this earth to love you.”
My heart is ready to combust, my hands slide up his chest and loop around his neck.
“I'm not leaving this room. I know you don’t want me to go. You can’t say no to me anymore than I can say no to you,” he murmurs.
He starts to brush his mouth against mine, back and forth, so softly, coaxing me.
I'm breathing hard through my nostrils, trying to catch my breath and keep up with my emotions.
“Do you feel well enough for me to make love to you?” Dean asks me, his voice tender, his breath hot as it washes over me.
A few minutes ago, I was sure keeping him at arm’s length was the right thing to do. But now, I don’t think anything has ever felt as right as he does in my arms.
We were inevitable. We’ve just needed the chance. It’s been hurled into our laps. I have wasted enough time; I'm ready to start living. Without reservation, without fear, and with him.
I only nod in response. His thumb comes up to my mouth and he presses it against my lips. I open my mouth and the tip of it slips inside. I suck it, savoring the saltiness and rough texture of his skin. He groans and in a flash, his finger is gone and his lips are on mine.
This kiss, it is an ode to our new beginning. I savor it, wanting to remember every moment about it because I know this is a kiss that marks the start of a grand adventure. I pour all of my passion, my love, and hope into it. My mouth feasts on his and his devours mine. We are a tangle of lips, tongue,
teeth; a dizzy spiral of lust and need.
