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Cristal was professional when I called to let her know I would in fact accept the contract, but I could hear a distance in her voice that hadn’t been there before. I'm sure she thinks the only reason I have gotten this job is because of Dean, and I want to prove her wrong.
I spent the afternoon at Anthony’s school volunteering in the library. I tried to be more engaging than I normally am, but all this led to was me fielding about half a dozen “sympathetic” questions about Kevin and the woman he brought with him last night.
“She looked so young.”
“I don’t know how you managed to sit through that entire performance with your husband and his girlfriend right behind you.”
“They must be serious if he brought her here.”
I wanted to scream. Instead I just nodded.
I’ve never understood this about some women. I have two sisters who despite geography and huge differences in personality, are my best friends. They were my first friends. I learned how to love, encourage, and uplift other women by having good relationships with them.
The notion of intentionally hurting someone just because it makes you feel better about your own sorry state is completely unfathomable to me. Therefore, these women and their behavior totally bewilders and wounds me.
Not because I'm sad Kevin is with Rachael. But because they would use it as a weapon against me.
My mother always says that misery loves company. That when someone is trying to hurt you it’s because they are hurting themselves. So, I look at those women and I only feel sympathy for them.
I left that afternoon as friendless as I arrived, but with a bit of clarity, too.
I have spent years settling for safety. I wanted to be with someone so desperately I essentially abandoned myself. I have had my world ripped out from under my feet, I have been humiliated publicly and am facing the risk of losing custody of my son.
My mettle is being tested, I’m either going to crumble or I'm going to come out stronger. Right now, I’d take odds on the latter.
Today, for the first time in ten years, I thought about a future that is based on what I want. I want to find my passion and pursue it. I want to show my son that his mother can do anything she puts her mind to and therefore, he can, too.
I have a date tonight. With a gorgeous, blond Adonis who I had sex with last week. Who loves me. Who fought for me.
I shiver at the thought of Dean.
I’ve played his voicemail several times today. I can’t wait to see him. I’m not sure if it’s him or if it’s my new-found freedom, but I feel like breaking more rules. I want to shock myself tonight.
When my mom got back from Atlantic City she peppered me with questions about Dean’s stay. I tried to be as vague as possible because even though I'm certain of his feelings for me—everything feels so new.
She dropped it, but I know she only gave me a temporary reprieve. She’s with Anthony, and I can hear them roaring with laughter in his bedroom as I start to take off my clothes to get ready to shower.
My phone rings just as I turn the water on, and I see it’s my sister, Addie. She’s in London, basking in the glow of young and happy love. She doesn’t know about Kevin and me. I haven’t told my sisters yet. I don’t know why, but I just can’t. It might be a matter of pride, but I know deep down they always thought it was silly of me to get married so young. I also think that Lilly, in particular, never liked him very much. I’ve sworn my mother to secrecy for now. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.
“Hey, Ad!” I answer brightly.
“Hi, sis,” she responds in a flat monotone voice.
“Oh, babe. You sound so glum.” I wish I could wrap my arms around her.
“I am. I’m miserable. It’s cold. I’m hungry,” she whines. Addie isn't a whiner. Unless she's talking to me. Then she reverts to the little sister who whines and wants me to pick her up and put her in bed with me.
“Addie, the only two things you can do anything about are the hunger and the misery. Go and get something to eat and call Simon.”
“I can’t call Simon. He’s busy. You’re always free. So, I'm calling you instead. And yeah, I’ll go and get something to eat. I didn’t call to talk about me. I just wanted to say hi. How are you guys?”
“Fine.” It comes out in a high-pitched squeak that sounds ridiculous.
“Okay . . . well, can I talk to Anthony or is he already in bed? I miss him. I should come visit soon. During his summer break?”
That sends a course of panic through my body. I’m not ready for her or anyone to come visit, yet.
“We’ll come see you. Anthony loves flying,” I say hurriedly, trying to dissuade her from making plans to come here.
