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It makes me feel excited and a little giddy for the first time. I have been afraid someone would say they think I’m crazy. I mean, for as long as I’ve known him there is still so much I don’t know. But he's all I can think about.
“If I’ve learned anything it’s that you only know what people want you to, anyway. I say enjoy it. Life is short. This is you getting a chance to make up for ten years of orgasm deficient sex!”
I look around to make sure the boys are out of earshot.
“I know!” I squeal back. And then I sober, as I remember my other dilemma.
Cristal has been so aloof; I want to make sure I get this party right. And I want to land some other clients to show myself that I can.
I tell her about the situation and my concerns about not really growing my business.
“So, I just need to work on getting some face time wit
h other businesses, build my portfolio . . .” I trail off, wanting to stave off the sense of hopelessness that is starting to invade.
“We used to have an event planning department, but we outsource everything now. Why don’t you give me your business card, and I’ll set up a meeting with you and our operations person to talk about it,” Laila suggests.
“I would, if I had one.” I'm unable to meet her eyes. What must she think of me? She's a single mother and successful professionally. I’m sitting on my ass complaining.
“I can help you,” she says softly. I look at her. “I know what it’s like. To start over, to feel like you need help and don’t know where to look. Being a single mom isn’t easy. Dealing with life changes isn’t easy.” She takes my hand and gives it a quick squeeze before releasing it again. “Come to my office next week, we can work on it.”
She gives me an encouraging smile and I return it. I start to remember the way I felt when I was young. Like anything was possible and that I'm capable of more. And I like the feeling, I want to chase it and reclaim it.
I look over at my son and Isaiah running and screaming in delight, and I feel hope rise in my chest. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
26
* * *
Dean’s back in town. I feel a flutter of excitement as I see his text pop up on my phone letting me know he’s landed.
We’ve talked every night this week and they have been long, deep conversations about our lives, our families, our ambitions. We’ve also had the most amazing phone sex. It’s been like foreplay; all week long my desire for him has been building. He's so unabashed in his want of me. He tells me, in clear detail how he wants me. Where he wants me, and what he's doing to himself as he imagines tasting me.
I’ve grown bolder, too, and every night when I slip my fingers into my panties and bring myself to orgasm with only the sound of his voice and the images he evokes, I feel like another link in the chains I’ve bound myself with have fallen off.
I’ve also been working on getting his party planned. I made some great headway with the venue, and I’ve paid a deposit for a trendy place called the Lofts at 600. It’s a gorgeous room. Hardwood floors, exposed brick, floor to ceiling windows that will give a great view of the capital at night. I’m meeting with caterers this week and had a great meeting with the lighting and sound people.
I'm nervous about how Cristal will view me in light of my relationship with Dean. It’s so new and we didn’t really talk about how we would handle this aspect of things, but I would rather her not know if it will make her uncomfortable. I add it to my list of things to talk with Dean about when I see him tonight.
I also have my meeting with Laila set up for Monday, and I want to be prepared. I have a website, I’ve filed my paperwork to register as an LLC, and I had a logo made so I can design my business cards.
I hum to myself as I stir the simmering pot on the stove while I go over my week. I'm making a very simple but delicious chicken marsala dish for dinner. I’ve invited Dean over to eat with my mother and Anthony.
I'm nervous about all of us sitting down at the same table again. It’s going to feel like old times but with my father gone and my son present.
I haven’t heard from Kevin, whatever was so important last week clearly has lost its urgency. I'm glad, I wasn’t looking forward to talking to him.
“Mommy! I drew your friend a picture!” Anthony shouts as he runs into the kitchen. He’s waving a piece of paper in his fist and is beaming from ear to ear.
I put down my wooden spoon and kneel down so we are eye to eye with each other.
“Look, it’s me and you in a spaceship! We’re going to discover the galaxy.”
He points at the barely recognizable people in the picture he’s drawn. His version of me has blue hair and pink teeth. He sees himself as a person with green spiky hair and a big blue grin. I love it.
“It’s amazing, baby. He’s going to love it.” I stand back up and start stirring again.
“Mommy, I’m hungry, can I have a snack?” he asks as he wanders over to the pantry.
