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"We know the important things. We both come from good families. You need a wife who will help you manage the Earldom. You need someone who knows the village and understands the people. You need someone who's going to help you set an example. Who'll bring leaderism and pride back to this seat. You're a bloody Viscount. You shouldn't be drinking in local pubs and making deliveries to the estate stores. And you certainly can't bring that...that..." She is yelling now, her hands waving, spittle flying as she sputters to find a word sufficiently base to describe Lilly.
"Don't finish that sentence." I warn her, my voice low and quiet. I unlock the car doors.
"Or what? What are you going to do, push me out?" She taunts and I feel like I've been hit in the head by a two by four. I wouldn't have believed in a million years that Camille would act like such a petulant asshole.
"Listen, maybe you had too much wine. Or maybe you're disappointed. Either way, this is done. Since you clearly don't like me very much, this should come as a relief. Get out of my car. Now." I say, staring straight ahead, unable to even look at her.
"And you're supposably a gentleman." She sneers at me, not making any signs of getting out. "I heard all about how Zara collarded you. If this is how you behaved, no wonder she went looking for better company."
All of my resolve to be decent, to let her down easily disappears at her cruel taunt.
"It's supposedly, you idiot." I say dryly, unkindly. But, I’m beyond the point of caring now. “And cuckolded. And tenterhooks, and scape goats." I recite angrily. "So, what if she cheated on me? That isn't a reflection of my character or my shortcoming. But you, God...you're a complete idiot."
Her eyes widen and she gapes at me like I've suddenly turned into a kangaroo. "And I ride with the windows down because your breath smells like a skunk died in your throat. Go to the fucking dentist." I curl my lip in disgust and she clamps a hand over her mouth and grapples for the door handle.
"You bastard." Her curse is muffled and if she wasn't so abhorrent I would laugh.
"Exactly. Get out of my car." She opens the door and starts to get down but I stop her. "One more thing, I know you're friends with my sister, so our paths are going to cross. Please practice your poker face because every time you see me, you’ll see her.
She gasps, she stares at me as she climbs down from the car. "You wouldn't. She's not one of us. You can't." Her cry is full of despair.
I reach across and grab the door handle and just before I pull it shut in her face, I say "watch me."
30
Lilly
"Oh. My. God." Addie squeals at me before she races across the bedroom to tackle hug me to the bed.
"I'm so fucking happy for you, Lilly. This is amazing. You and Harry! Yussssss!" She screams as she holds on to me. Her joy is contagious and so welcome. I was nervous about telling them about us, and I’m elated that she's elated. I was worried that they'd ask questions or be doubtful. I return her hug, enjoying this time with her so much. Simon had to go back to London a few days ago and Addie's been so clingy. I've drawn the line at her sleeping in my room. The nights are all Harry and I have had this week.
"I've been dying to tell you all week. But right after the wedding, Milly and Dean had their big news, and Camille was still here. But, I'm so glad I can talk about it now."
She pushes out of my embrace and sit up to look down at me. Her eyes wide with excitement, her grin is huge. "Ohmigod, are you going to move here? Oh, Lilly, say you're moving here. I'm desperate to have family close by. We could see each other on the weekends or whenever. The train from London is only a couple hours." She lets go of me and flops back on the bed staring at the top of ceiling of my bed's canopy. A huge smile on her face, her eyes dancing and I can practically hear her mind racing. I laugh and lay down next to her then she springs back up.
“Fucking hell, Lilly. You’re going to be a Countess.” She squeals, her eyes wide with wonder and I can see the wheels spinning in her overactive imagination.
"Woah, kimosabe, don't get ahead of yourself. It's so new-- but Ad, Gah! I've never felt this way before. I'm falling so hard." I admit on a dreamy groan.
When Addie doesn't say anything, I look at her and find her staring at me in wonder.
"What?" I ask through a nervous chuckle. "Do you think...it's too soon? Do you think maybe he doesn't feel the same way?"
"Oh, Lilly. No." She says, sitting up and grasping my hand. "How could he not feel the same way? You're the most remarkable woman. Beautiful, and smart and brave." She says, her eyes warm, but a little sad, too. "It's just that...you're confiding in me." She whispers, her eyes filling with tears.
I stare at my little sister, her golden eyes the twins of my own, hold so much pain and hope. A fog clears, a realization dawns and a new guilt blooms as she continues to tell me what’s in her heart.
"You've never confided in me. I thought maybe…you didn't trust me. Or you thought I was too young. I..." she shakes her head as if to clear it. "You're so strong Lil. So stoic. You never cry. You're never upset. But I've known that something was wrong. I didn't know how to ask because you never show it. But you stopped coming home. You stopped laughing. You stopped dancing whenever you heard music. And you stopped talking to me, at least not the way we used to." This all rushes out like she's been holding onto it and can't stand for another minute.
"Oh, Addie, I'm...sorry." I whisper hoping she can hear the sincerity and depth of my regret. "I'm not strong. I'm not brave. I cry all the time. And I know I should have talked to you, but I couldn't." I confess, praying that she will understand. That she'll forgive me.
"But why? What did we do?" She asks without udgment - just genuine curiosity in her voice.
"It wasn't you....it was me. So much changed. So much...and I didn't know how to handle it. And none of you seemed to care."
"Lilly, you're the center of us. When dad left, we survived it because you held us together. You made us laugh. You refused to join in our wallowing. But then, you just disappeared and yes, you pretend, but Lilly, I saw you...when you thought no one was looking and I knew something terrible had happened."
"Then why didn't you fucking ask me." I snap violently and suddenly, surprising myself and Addie. She pales, her eyes widen as she looks at me. "If you knew something was so terribly wrong, why didn't you just ask me?" My shoulders rise with the question.
