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“You’ve no need to fear me. Nor do you need to defend yourself to me. I know where you come from and where you’re heading; probably far better you know yourself.” He finished his cigarette and snuffed it in the ashtray. “But I want that spirit from you that you just displayed; without it, Alex, I wouldn’t be interested in you. I expect total honesty, complete compliance, your unwavering submission. There will be times when that will be difficult. Regardless, you will comply. I’m not a master. I’m a guide. I’ll take you no further than you need to go. But make no mistake about it, I have high expectations of you. I may push, I may shove and you may not like that, but I do know what I am doing. I know how to take you where your fantasies lead and give what you most desire.” He paused a moment, allowing me to digest the strong message. “You have any questions?”
“No.” That was a lie, but I didn’t know exactly what to ask.
“Then we’re finished for now. Find Will, I believe he’s by the pool.” We both stood, but before we moved on, he drilled me with his eyes again and carefully raised my chin to meet his gaze. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. A small kiss. A sensuous kiss that lingered for a moment. Our energies merged and my desire fully flowered. Regardless of what he’d said, he’d become my master, and I was bound to him as surely as if he’d bound me with rope and led me on a leash.
He was already at the door on the far side of the room when I finally found my voice again. “Am I to stay?” I asked. He turned and looked back at me, distracted.
“No. I’ll call you when you’re ready.”
I don’t recall the pool or the others around it, only Will talking to a swimsuit clad woman reclining on a chaise lounge. There were no introductions, no further conversations.
As we left, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or curse.
“Well?” Will spoke first.
“I thought I was going to stay.”
“You will.”
We rode in silence for some time, with Will content to let me stew in the jumble of feelings that the interview had roused in me.
“How well do you know Reggie?” I finally asked.
“I’ve been to his parties, a house guest four or five times. I’ve known him twenty years, since college.”
We continued again in silence.
“You knew he’d take me?”
“No, I didn’t. He doesn’t do this with many women, maybe five that I’m aware of. I wasn’t certain about this at all.” We left the winding road and found ourselves on the freeway, fast returning to the city. We were nearly home before we spoke again, and it was Will breaking the silence. “Alex, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it was all so intense.” And I could hardly tell him how much I desired Reggie. “Are we going to your apartment?” I wanted to make love to him. I was despera
te for his arms around me, his body, his kisses, the release that would follow. I felt as if a dam was about to burst inside me, spilling out all the bottled-up energy of the morning.
“No, I think you should have some time alone to consider this,” he answered.
That stung. I stared out of the window so he wouldn’t see the pool of tears forming in my eyes.
“Alex, I know what you want. I’d like to make love, too, but I also know that what you have chosen, at least what I think you’ve chosen makes it impossible for us to be together. Until your relationship with Reggie is over, you’re his. In fact, you’re his now. That’s if you intend to go through with this.”
“I will.”
“Then the drama has begun.”
I finally turned to him. “So, what if I stop now, what would you do?”
“I’d think you’d given up on yourself. How would you feel?”
“I’d feel like shit.”
He eyed me with a gentle look. “You know, you’ll feel better if you back up your decision with a little enthusiasm. After all, this is one of your creations. You might as well enjoy it. No one’s making you do anything.”
He’d stopped the car in front of the apartment house. Leaning over, he kissed me, reminding me of what we’d shared. I knew he loved me. I loved him, too.
In bed that night, I realized how right Will was. Reggie was in my sex, my emotions, in charge of all my fantasies. He wouldn’t leave until he’d explored every inch of me. Just before I fell asleep, it occurred to me that perhaps I was just as much inside Reggie as he was in me. Perhaps he needed me and our drama as much as I needed him. It was a challenging, daring thought. Then again, it might just be another foolish fantasy. I shouldn’t try to romanticize the man. I very much doubt he’d approve.
Chapter Twelve
