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Would this be how my training would continue?
This knack for drama and mastery was Reggie’s gift. If I surmised correctly, he would devise and plan and set into motion scenes to stimulate my desires and allow me to experience them firsthand. But he intended to observe detached. He wouldn’t be my lover. He had no intention of passionately taking me. All my desires to have him, to be the welcomed plaything in his bed, were a foolish fantasy.
I despised him for that. But in that moment a fresh resolve was born in me. He wouldn’t get away with this detachment; he wouldn’t move me so and remain so cool. I could feel a fire burning deep in me, a rage to join the pain my body felt. It infused me with a determination to conquer him, and make him lust for me so passionately that he couldn’t contain himself behind that careful composure. I would chip away at his practiced resolve. I’d make him want me, and I would have him. I would have all of him for me – no matter what the cost. Why this was so important to me I couldn’t say. But it seemed the only way I could deal with my awakening desire was to, at least in my small private way, conquer it by conquering the master.
Chapter Fourteen
I returned to my bedroom as fast as I possibly could and lay on my bed for some time, my anger turning into fierce resolve. Soon the darkness of the room surrounded me with a blanket of calm, and my emotions finally settled.
As the warm cushion of the bed enveloped me in its sensual texture, and the pain of my backside reminded me of the scene I’d just created (Oh yes! I knew that I’d created this, even though I didn’t want to admit how closely the scenario resembled my inner fantasies), I found myself aroused. My body was so filled with sensation, it begged for some release, but I didn’t even try to masturbate. The hurt I’d suffered was still strong enough to overrule thoughts of pleasure. He was fucking with my fantasies – interjecting his own, and I couldn’t stand that.
I turned on the bedside lamp to inspect my rear, and to my surprise, there was no evidence that anything had taken place. No reddened skin where Elliot’s hands had so vigorously massaged. A closer inspection revealed no real damage. I was sore, very sore but any pain was far more internal than external.
As I reached to turn off the lamp and sleep, I noticed a cloth covered notebook on the table, its pages blank. Tucked inside, a blue folded sheet of Reggie’s stationery bore the words: “Write the truth completely, remember the total truth.”
“How dare he!” I scowled aloud. I tore the paper in two and flung the book against the wall, the pages flying to the floor. I proceeded to the bath, too angry to sleep.
The morning that streamed through my window hit the bed with brilliant white light. Dust danced in the sunshine making the room seem to glimmer. My body glowed warmly as I lay still, the place between my legs damp with expectancy. Yet I jerked in agony as I moved. Remembering the night before, I found my anger returning.
It was seven o’clock. A breakfast tray sat neatly at my bedside. “Damn them! They think I can’t come down for breakfast. I’ll show the bastards!”
I dressed and descended the front stairs on my
way to the dining room, walking carefully so as not to reveal the discomfort I felt. I noticed the startled look in Reggie’s eyes when I entered the room.
“Where’s Will?” I asked evenly.
“He needed to leave,” Reggie replied. “He said to tell you he’d be here Saturday morning. We were just starting breakfast. You want to join us?”
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation, and I gingerly took a seat next to Ann at the table.
“Alexandra, would you like a walk in the garden this morning?” Reggie asked while passing me a plate of bacon and eggs. “I don’t believe you’ve had the chance to see the them.”
“Certainly,” I replied. “What kind of gardens do you have?”
“Oh, Alex, the flowers are gorgeous,” Ann gushed. “Reggie has some magnificent roses.”
“Are these are some of them?” I asked, plucking a pink rose from the arrangement before me.
“Yes, they are,” Reggie replied. “I picked them this morning.”
I recognized them. Several of the same pink buds decorated the tray by my bedside. I wondered for a moment if I’d misjudged the situation.
Exiting through the French doors in the dining room, we took our stroll after breakfast, down the brick path that led to a wisteria covered arbor and the entrance to the most exquisite place I’d ever seen. Quite contrary to the more modern look of the house, this secluded garden was from another time, English perhaps, perfectly planted with each flower blooming vibrantly, the colors well placed next to its neighbors to accentuate the entire effect. And in the center of each flowerbed, roses grew. Yellow, white, pink, red, salmon and pale yellow tinged with pink, my favorite.
“I like these best,” I said, lightly touching the petals of a pink bush.
“I demand honesty, Alex,” Reggie announced, ignoring my casual comment. “Your actions lie and so does your conversation.” He sat on a stone bench expecting me to sit with him. I walked instead, knowing the cold stone would only add to the pain that was already there. I turned to face him, and as soon as his steely cold eyes met mine, I knew I was caught in my own game.
“You want me to tell you how hurt I am?” I asked. “If it makes you happy, yes, I’m damned uncomfortable. I consider last night’s ravaging a violation. I neither asked for it, dreamed it, or desired it.” I could feel the anger welling up again. “You’re going to tell me that being here is my choice, and so was last night. And you’re right. I gave myself to you, for you to use me any way you want. I played your game. But I want you to know that I hated it.” My voice rose, surprisingly strong. I couldn’t continue at the risk of turning my rage into tears.
“What I did to you last night was cruel. I intended it to be that way. And I’ll be cruel to you again, but you’ll desire it, just as you desired it last night.”
“I did not desire that last night!” I shouted back, annoyed that he’d even think that.
“Oh, but Alexandra, you did. You loved it.” He was calm and cold in his assessment of me.
“No!” I came back passionately.
