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“And what’s more, you desire my mastery over you, you desire every minute of the drama. You’re addicted to it, just as I am. Accept it, my dear, we played ourselves brilliantly last night, and even now you’re enjoying your rage.”
“I have every reason to be upset.”
“I know. Unfortunately for you, I’m the master of this game and you are not.”
How could I hate him and want him so much at the same time? He saw right through my hatred to the desire behind it; and for that I hated him most.
He got up and walked to me, staring at me with eyes not as cold as before. “Your little scene at breakfast is certain to be causing you some discomfort. If I didn’t know you were already tremendously sore I’d spank your ass for being so foolish. Spend the remainder of the day resting.” He lifted my chin in his hand so I couldn’t look away. “You’re hurt and your body needs to heal. Spend the rest of the day in bed, that’s an order. Athena can bring you anything you need including cream for your bottom.”
“You knew I’d be hurt?”
“Of course, but I knew you wanted it. There’s no real damage done. The pain will subside faster than you think. And the sooner you admit that you loved that scene, witnesses and all, the sooner your pleasure will begin.”
“Never,” I exploded jerking away.
“I don’t expect you to understand, that is my job. But what I’m designing for you is exactly what you want.”
“Stop saying that. I don’t agree at all.” I must have sounded like a petulant five year old, but I really didn’t care.
“Fine. But go to bed and heal your body. It’s of no use to me now, and I want it well cared for. Use the journal to channel your anger. That’s what it’s for.” He was completely cold and steely once again, and clearly tired of my anger and denial.
I was about to turn away and leave, but he was quick to stop me.
He pulled me back by the arm. “I’m not done with you.” My eyes flashed, but I remained calm. “I want you to masturbate yourself to orgasm six times between now and five o’clock tomorrow evening. I’ll be in to see you then, be bathed and ready for me.”
I watched him walk away. My body suddenly ached so furiously I was afraid I’d not be able to make it back to my room. When I did, I collapsed into my bed. As a breeze blew gently through the window I slept, and I didn’t wake until it was nearly dark. When I did rise, I bathed for a long time. I ate the tray of food Athena brought, and soothed myself with the balm she gave me. When I finished, I sat on my bed looking out into the trees that were turning black in the shadows of night. I was not tired. Reggie was constantly in my mind. I couldn’t make myself think of anything else, just Reggie and his driving power, his fleeting tenderness and his cruelty side by side, his light and dark so simply blended. I wanted both sides of him. And for a moment I did consider that perhaps I’d really created the night before, that being treated so fiercely was what I desired. Perhaps Reggie was right. But I only considered the idea briefly.
I gazed at the blue notebook still lying against the baseboard where I’d thrown it. Retrieving it, I looked at its blank pages and began to write. Everything. Everything that had led to that moment, about Jane and the bar and the Red Rose and Will – who I seemed to have completely abandoned. The memories were so powerful that I stopped several times to masturbate. The details were all there in rich detail – the fantasies, the desires, even my aborted attempts to experience my awakening sexuality. As I finished, the night was nearly gone. With traces of dawn beginning to appear in the sky, I finally lay down to sleep once more.
Chapter Fifteen
When I woke, it was past three, and the air was redolent with the fragrance of a late summer afternoon. Longer shadows made strange patterns on the bed, and a musty warm breeze scented the air. He’d be coming at five and I needed to bathe. Rising from the bed, I began my routine in the bath taking great care with each step. I wanted to be perfect for him. How did he want me? Dressed? In my robe? Made up? He always used the simplest words when speaking to me, if he wanted me dressed he’d have said so. As five o’clock approached, I donned my robe and sat in the one chair in the room.
He entered just as I heard the clock from the library chime the hour.
“I see you’ve rested,” he said as he closed the door behind him. He smelled of coffee, combined with an earthy stable smell and just a hint of his cologne. He was wearing jeans and a casual shirt suggesting that he’d been riding that afternoon.
“I do feel much better,” I replied. My anger from the day before was gone, but already the thought of his next game had me anxious.
“Still sore?”
“Yes.”
“And did you orgasm as I instructed?”
“I did, but just five times.” I’d planned to lie, but the truth spilled out regardless.
“Then finish now,” he said. “Move to your bed and open your robe.”
As I did, Reggie arranged the chair so that he could view me. As strange and intimate as his presence was, the masturbation was not as difficult as I’d have thought. I imagined seducing him, having him come to me and tongue my swollen cunt, or run his hands over my flesh, toy with my nipples and kiss my lips. I gave the moment my complete attention with the hope of making him squirm with desire for me, eager to touch my body even if his silly rules said otherwise.
I rubbed my hands over my skin, then pinched my nipples until they were hard. As my hands moved lower, my fingers found their way through the tuft of hair at my cunt, and then found their way to the private place between my thighs that glistened with my dew.
Reggie watched as if mesmerized, finally saying, “Lick the juices from your fingers.”
I withdrew my fingers from my crotch, and for the first time tasted my own sweet nectar. Resuming my play, I found the bud of my sex and began to vibrate it with the movement of my well tuned fingers. As my desire built, I was quickly lost in the mounting sensations. My hips began to rock, swaying to the rhythm of my inner body, and I whimpered softly in a spasm of delight when I came. I continued to shudder afterwards, relishing every luscious feeling that rippled through me until the sensations finally died away.
For one brief moment, I saw real desire in his eyes, and felt a private moment of triumph. I hoped for more, but Reggie had already moved on.
