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The door to the library was curiously ajar as if I was expected. I knocked anyway.
“Come in, Alex.” Was he so sure I’d come?
I opened the door and found him sitting at his desk, preoccupied. He’d regained his composure and made me wait as he finished with whatever was consuming his attention. He didn’t motion for me to sit, so I remained standing.
“So what do you want? I ordered you to leave.”
“Before I do, I want to apologize. I made a mistake.”
I had more to say, but he interrupted.
He looked up, his mood steely and cold. “You come into my home and are pampered with fine clothes and food and luxurious surroundings. You agree to simply follow instructions that are designed to enhance the sexual awakening that you desire, and you repay my graciousness to you with ridicule. You mock me in front of a house full of guests, deliberately defy my wishes for proper attire at my table, obviously plot your tardiness, and embarrass me with your cheap behavior toward my guests. You’ve broken a trust that we’d shaped since you came here. You tampered with my orders in such an ungracious manner that I can’t see any way to repair it. I’ve been nothing but forthright with you. And you repay me with deceit and cunning? I can tolerate many things, but your treachery I cannot.”
I listened with surprise, hearing the hurt pour from him along with his words. Hurt that I hadn’t known was in my power to bring to him. I hurt him deeply. He cared about me, but I hadn’t seen how much. All the coldness, all the ruthless drama was his way of showing that.
“Reggie, I’m, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.” I fidgeted for a moment trying to think of something to say that would fix this. “I don’t suppose I can expect you’ll allow me to stay, but quite honestly I didn’t realize what effect my behavior would have on you. I had no idea that I had that kind of power. Yes, I was testing you, perhaps even deceitfully so, but I considered it a game. I hadn’t intended it to be cruel. All I’ve wanted is to be desired by you…”
“Oh cut the bullshit, Alex. You knew exactly what you were doing. You enjoyed every moment of that grand theatre you craft so well. And yes, my dear, you did find that I’m vulnerable. I am human. You deliberately chose to bury your knife deep in my side and twist it until I hurt.” He looked at me with chilling eyes. “There are two sides to every act, and you enjoyed hurting me.”
“No. No. How can you say that?” I cried. “Something made me behave that way, but it was for love, not to hurt you.”
He rose quickly from his chair, I could feel the rage welling within him.
“Okay,” I began to cry, “you’re right that I loved the drama, the excitement. I loved the anger. I was even excited when you slapped me, and maybe even when you ordered me from your house. But I don’t want to leave. I want to stay.” I was pleading as I spoke in the sincerest voice, wanting him to say anything that would allow me to remain with him.
“You’re a bitch and a slut,” he scowled, as the palm of his hand with the full strength of his strong arm, stung against the side of my face. This time I stumbled back and caught myself on a chair. “Don’t ever attempt to deny that to me. You’ve a side of you as dark and as cruel as my own. You receive my cruelty because you want it. You bring it out in me because you love it in you.” His eyes flashed brilliantly as they had the night he’d ordered Elliot to assault my ass, as they had when he and Gus had led me to the shack in the woods, and as they had tonight when he first slapped my face. At other times, he’d contained that brilliance as if he refused to derive that much pleasure from his work. He stared down at me, his anger again contained. His emotions were in control and he finally returned to his desk.
“Alex, we are alike,” was his summation.
Did I have a side as dark as his? It suddenly seemed quite clear that I did. I was smarting from the sting of the truth, as much as I was smar
ting from the sharp smack of his hand.
“You know, you’re right. I did want to hurt you after the way you dressed me down the other night. You humiliated me, and I wanted the tables turned to make you suffer. I did that and I loved it.” I could feel myself reflecting the same icy demeanor that he showed me so often. Yet it was honest, at least it was honest. “But I do want to stay.” I was certain, now, “I want to complete what we started.”
It took some moments before he responded. I figured I had the waiting in my favor.
“If you were any other woman, Alex, you’d be gone. This conversation wouldn’t be taking place. But you do fashion drama well. It’s your saving grace, along with your intriguing desires. Spend the night tonight, and we’ll talk in the morning when we’re rested.”
This was the best I’d do that night. I was grateful for small steps, and inside, I nurtured a tiny triumph.
Chapter Twenty
The morning assaulted my waking brain with noise and irritation. Blue jays squawked at the window chasing the song birds to the trees beyond. In the kitchen Athena burned breakfast and showed her irritation snapping at every little thing. Something in the stables had gone awry during the night. Morning had come too early for the house.
Gus glared at me while drinking his morning coffee at the kitchen table. “You still here? I thought Reggie got rid of you.”
“I stayed the night.”
“You best be leaving before he sees you. He might have ridden that stallion to death last night if I hadn’t stopped him.”
His words chilled me. The stallion Brutus was Reggie’s favorite and I’d seen nothing but gentle respect between them.
“Said he had to ride the fury out,” Gus continued, “but you can only take an animal so far.” When I thought that Reggie’s rage had vanished, it apparently had not, at least according to Gus’s assessment. My chances for staying were dimmer than I’d hoped. But when he finally arrived for breakfast, Reggie was his usual self, smiling, charming and cool. He didn’t talk about the night before and no one dared ask him about it.
I ate, saying nothing, obviously nervous but then no one expected anything else.
“Alex, I’ll see you in the den,” he said when he was finished with his toast. He pushed his chair away from the table and neatly laid his napkin by his plate.
