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“I gave up, Alex, I gave up trying to change long ago.”
“And yet you haunt yourself with the possibility of tenderness and love?”
“Only in moments like these. And I don’t let them happen very often. Just with the few like you.”
For the first time, I was beginning to feel something real from him.
“But, my dear, there’s always another Alexandra waiting. And while you’re off ‘happily ever after’, I’ll be doing what I do best and in some small way enjoying it.” There was that aristocratic triumph in his voice. That self-aware resignation, that acceptance of his fatal flaw. It almost resurrected the desires I’d once felt for him, but that would never really happen.
His previous advice about wanting my sexual awakening as much as I wanted him came back to haunt me. I could be grateful now. He’d taken me everywhere I’d wanted to go and left me a woman of choice, not fear, a woman prepared to combine lust of the body with the lust of heart. I couldn’t be anything but grateful for that.
Reggie helped me remove the garment of chains and slip into soft leggings and a billowy silk shirt. Before I dressed, I felt the ring that pierced me. I smiled at him as I felt it dangle against my clit.
“The ring, it’s really for me, not you,” I acknowledged.
“Yes it is,” he agreed.
“But that was one fantasy I never told you about.”
“You didn’t have to,” he snickered.
“I didn’t have to tell you a lot of things,” I added.
“What I lack in ability to love, I make up for in my ability to discern each woman’s private passion. And frankly, Alex, you were so easy because you desire so much. There was no way I could fail with you, at least in that regard.”
There was something tender and genuine in him now, but it didn’t exist beyond his dramas, and I needed more. I gazed around the strange room. I didn’t want to forget anything about my weeks with Reggie. But I knew that my time with him was finally over.
“I’m ready to leave,” I said.
“I’m glad,” he replied. “If you stayed any longer, I just might have changed my mind.” He was laughing lightly.
I was satisfied with his small admission. He wouldn’t forget me, that I knew.
The cool breeze of the dying night greeted us as we left. It would be morning soon, and I’d once again begin a new adventure.
Chapter Twenty-six
Walking up the apartment steps, I placed my key in the door and opened it. I hated most of what I saw. I’d tear the curtains down, recover the sofa, throw away the doilies and the hearts on the wall. They’d be replaced with bold colors, rich wood, and some decent art. I wasn’t the same sweet and gentle woman that had left so many weeks before. Maybe moving would be easier.
And yet, something in the room caught my eye. Out of place. A bowl. A blown glass bowl filled with fresh fruit – I’d seen it before. Beside it a bottle of Merlot. And the apartment that should have suffered from lack of care was clean. In the refrigerator was fresh food, vegetables, fruit and pasta sauce.
Will.
I’d wondered all day about us, about what had really happened in our relationship and where it would go now that my obsession with Reggie was over. The apartment said it all.
I was flying out the door, down the stairs and rapping on his door. “Will!” I shouted. I couldn’t wait to see him.
Then his face appeared and he greeted me with the most amazing grin.
“So, you’re back, huh?”
I threw my arms around him, hugged tight, and felt his body melt into mine. Oh yes, this was where I belonged! What a crazy means to discover that fact. What an amazing man to allow me the time and freedom to discover the woman inside of me. Not the fantasy woman but the real one.
I knew we’d be in bed together that night – or maybe we’d just roll around on the floor from my place to his, between a feast of spaghetti and wine and fruit and love. The possibilities had me giggling. We could create a million dramas and feast on lust forever. It was a moment of perfect bliss – though one I suspected would change over time. Nothing ever stays perfect, does it? But I had in Will what I needed most in a man. Thank god I’d finally come to my senses. He’d give me the darkness and the fire, but he’d also give me love. And all of that, I would willingly return.
Alexandra’s Dilemma
Chapter One
