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“And how many years has that been?”
“I’m twenty-eight now. I considered my initiation began when I was twenty-one. Though that was rather rocky.”
“Rocky how?”
He is so perfectly mild mannered, I can hardly imagine him cracking a whip, or thundering a command.
“I played in some S&M clubs for two years, with some rather strange results.”
“Strange?”
“Some of the scenes were what I needed, others desperately wrong. It was difficult to know what I was getting changing from master to master.” He seems to understand.
“And then?”
“I met Heinrich, my husband of four years.”
“And he mastered you.”
“Very well.”
“Very well? Then why are you divorced?”
This seems embarrassing to admit but I go on without hesitation. “I wanted his heart, and that seemed closed, more closed each year, to the point that I don’t know if he has one. He’s a selfish man, and I’m told I’m the same.”
“Are you?”
“Yes.” Lockhart does make me honest.
“Who else has been your master?”
“Only Bernard, and he won’t call it that. He took me in several scenes, but then Heinrich showed up with his new lover—his new submissive. I’m not good enough to handle that kind of competition, so I decided that a change of venue would be helpful. The alternative scene in the city is too small. I know all the nooks and crannies and personalities. There wasn’t anywhere new to go.”
“Or, perhaps, the wounds of your marriage are still fresh? Otherwise, it would make no difference if he were there or not.”
“Perhaps so. Maybe that’s what Bernard was trying to tell me.”
“He thinks you need to be trained, Anna.”
“Yes, he does.”
“And what do you think?”
“That I’m a very good slave. Yes, I’m sometimes recalcitrant, and selfish. But it’s a lifestyle I love. I’m not asking you to love me—although I’m still looking for love.”
“And if I can’t give you love, will that still work for you?”
I think for a long minute, time seems endless in Lockhart’s house. This is an unhurried place and Lowell Lockhart puts no pressure on me for quick answers. I take another sip of brandy and set the glass on the table.
“I know I need a change. I inherited a bookstore when I was twenty I’m an excellent businesswoman, financially secure. I write and paint and give lectures on Art History. Most people would think I’m very successful, especially for my age, but I’ve become settled. Perhaps too long and I’m restless now. Yes, I’m looking for love and sexual fulfillment. But most of all right now, I’m just looking for some peace in my life. I thought I might have it with the man I loved after Heinrich.”
“The man that made you an adulteress and settled into your husband’s bed?”
I’m startled that he knows this. “Yes.” I clear my throat nervously. “Ian was not a dom. If I could have anything sexual right now, it would be finding the peace I get from being submissive and filling that sexual need. Eventually, the love will come… I think… Eventually.”
Lockhart nods then rises from his seat. For a man of such size he moves with grace, strolling to the windows to look out, then moving to a cabinet he pulls out a cane.
His grip of the sleek black rod holds my interest so that I can’t take my eyes away. He whisks it cleanly through the empty air and I wince at the vile and lovely sound.
