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“You ready to talk?” Ethan asked after a while.
“Yeah.”
Closing my eyes, I rested my head against the sofa and let go. Pushing away the numbness that I’d used as a stopper on my emotions, I allowed myself to feel. Pain rushed through me, filling me until it was the only thing that existed.
I battled to stay in control.
Taking a deep, fortifying breath, I told them everything.
How everyone I loved left me. My mum, then my dad, then Martha.
How my parents’ toxic relationship had affected me, given me a messed-up view of relationships.
How my darkest fear, deep down, was that Olivia would leave me. And that was why I’d pushed her away. She deserved better than me, a man who was too afraid to commit his heart to someone else’s care.
My hoarse words echoed through the room. “Everyone leaves me in the end. I knew that eventually Liv would realise she was too good for me and she’d do the same.”
I ran out of steam, Alex and Ethan sitting in silence, letting me finish. I opened my eyes, feeling raw and exposed, impatiently brushing away a single tear that tracked down my cheek.
“Mate,” Alex eventually said, looking shaken. “Fuck.” He hung his head. “I had no clue.”
Ethan visibly gathered his composure and looked into my eyes.
“Okay, I’m going to be as upfront with you as I can be. First of all, mate, thanks for trusting us with all that. I appreciate it wasn’t easy for you. You’ve been bottling it up a long time.” He stated the words simply, and I nodded in agreement.
“I want to go through a few of the things you told us. Firstly, your parents did a real number on you. Their own stupidity and weakness fucked up their own lives and affected yours in the process. But do you know what? I don’t see any of that in you. You’re strong. You care. We wouldn’t be here like this, right now, if that were untrue.”
“He’s right,” Alex chimed in. “There’s nothing of those two in you.”
“My next point. You’re not alone in this. You’ve got us. We’ve been best mates almost from the minute we met, and that’s not going to change, okay? We stick together. We don’t leave each other.”
“Yeah. You’re not a one-man wolf pack. There’s three of us wolves, running around together,” Alex announced, throwing back his head and howling.
Ethan rolled his eyes. “Thanks for ruining our moment there with your Hangover reference, Alex.”
Alex smirked at him. “You love it, really.”
“Do I?” A corner of Ethan’s mouth turned up in amusement, and I couldn’t stop a small chuckle escaping.
Alex grinned at me.
“Anyway, back to the matter at hand. The other point I wanted to bring up is arguably the most important one. Listen to me carefully.” Ethan leaned closer, more serious than I’d ever seen him. “You’re a good man. You could have a happy, fulfilled relationship with Olivia. But if you don’t take a chance, you’ll never experience it.”
I lowered my eyes, scrubbing a hand across my face.
“I love you, man,” Ethan said gruffly.
I couldn’t speak.
Ethan looked pointedly at Alex, who shuffled in his seat, then sighed.
“Yeah, same.”
I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat.
“I…I love you guys,” I managed to choke out. Slumping down, I reached for my whisky and downed the liquid remaining in my glass.
The three words I’d never said to anyone but Martha tore something open in me. Olivia’s beautiful face filled my mind. I’d thrown her love away, broken her heart as if it meant nothing to me. What had I done?
