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We must’ve only kissed for a few seconds before we both pulled away from each other, but everyone around us had gone completely silent. Anastasia’s hand flew to her mouth, and then her expression turned hard. She tossed her glossy hair over her shoulder, back to her usual self.
“Not bad, Laurent. I guess you kiss alright, for a frigid virgin.”
Fuck you.
“That was hot as fuck,” Xavier murmured to sounds of agreement, and I suddenly became aware of everyone staring at us. My cheeks reddened at the attention. I couldn’t help my gaze flicking over to Carter, and I was surprised to see anger there. I watched as Anastasia slid back into place next to him, and he threw his arm over her shoulder again, burying his face in her hair.
It was all too much. “I need some air,” I said, and fled, making my way for the safety of the door.
23
“You’re so far out of your comfort zone, you’re in another orbit.” Lena’s voice stopped me in my tracks. Making my way over to the dim corner of the container where she was standing, I sat on an upturned crate, my legs shaky.
“What does that even mean?” I turned to look at her paint-splattered face, which was beaming with pride.
“I never thought I’d see the day when you and Anastasia Egerton would kiss. I’ve been watching you, and honestly, I thought you would’ve tapped out before they even started playing, but you’ve surprised me. In a good way. You’re a lot stronger than you realise, Raine. Look how you held your own over there.?
?? Her voice held a note of impressed disbelief, if that was even a thing, and warmth filled me.
“I did, didn’t I? I managed to hold my own.” My voice lowered. “I think I made Anastasia nervous.”
Lena nodded. “Yeah, she’s not as confident as she pretends to be. Most of those guys over there, they’re all too afraid to be themselves. Too scared of losing their position at the top, too scared to be different.” She smiled at me. “You? You’re being yourself.”
With those words, a series of mental images flashed through my mind—Carter, gripping my throat. Pressing his fingers into my thigh. Roughly kissing and touching me.
“What if there’s another side to me I keep hidden?” I whispered the words, hardly daring to say them aloud.
“Like what?” Lena stared at me, intrigued. I glanced around us, but nobody was close enough to overhear or pay any attention.
“A side I only discovered recently. I…” I swallowed nervously. “I think I like…umm. Kind of rough stuff. With a guy.”
Lena’s brows flew up, her eyes almost popping out of her head. “Totally not what I expected you to say.” She studied me. “Is this to do with Carter?”
I nodded slowly. “I know it doesn’t make sense. I…before I got to know you, last summer I had a thing with this guy, Ralph. We mostly just fooled around, never went too far. Just you know, hands.” I blushed, dropping my gaze to the floor. “I never got turned on. I was attracted to him, and he was good-looking, kind of Clark Kent vibes. I thought there was something wrong with me. Until Carter.”
“What does that mean? How does it relate to being rough? Raine, did he hurt you?”
“The first time he…he had his hand around my throat, it was like someone flicked a switch in me.” I clamped my mouth shut, unable to look at her, too afraid of what she would think.
“Flicked a switch how?”
My throat was so dry, and I could feel my cheeks burning. “I-I liked it. It turned me on. He turned me on. Please don’t judge me.”
“I would never judge you. So you like that kind of thing, so what?” My eyes met hers. Of course, she was so experienced that what was a big deal to me probably didn’t even register with her.
“Is there something wrong with me?” My voice came out as a whisper.
“No! Raine. Not everyone likes the same thing. There’s nothing wrong with you, so don’t even think that for a second. But I need you to answer me something, and this is really fucking important, so be honest with me.”
I nodded, taken aback by her deadly serious expression.
“Has Carter, or anyone for that matter, ever done anything to you against your will? Sexually, I mean.”
I shook my head slowly. “N-no. Every time he’s touched me, I’ve…liked it. Wanted more. Even when I didn’t want to want more.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. I want you to promise me that if you’re ever in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, or anyone tries to get you to do something against your will, you tell me. Please, Raine. Don’t let yourself become a victim.” There was a kind of glazed, faraway expression on her face, and her eyes were looking a little glassy.
“Lena? Is there anything you want to talk about?”
