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Easy adjusted his hat and shuffled the cards, his neck still ablaze. “You been hanging out with your young studs too much, Rayleen. You should spend some time with a real man who’ll teach you some manners.”
Grace nudged Cole with her elbow. “See?” she whispered.
Rayleen’s smile slipped back to her normal sour sneer. “If you hear about any real men, you be sure to let me know.”
“You attract a lot more flies with honey, you know.”
“There’s the problem right there. Who the hell wants a bunch of flies buzzing around? A damn nuisance.”
Easy just grunted and dealt the cards.
“They’ve got something going on,” Grace said to Cole.
“Jesus, I hope not.”
“They’re lonely, maybe. Both of them.”
She watched as Rayleen pretended she didn’t like playing cards with Easy. Then she acted like Shane was bothering her with his teasing. Rayleen was lonely. She was alone. And she was so scared to acknowledge it that she made a point of being mean. But this bar, the apartments, everything was designed to bring other people into her life. To force them near on Rayleen’s terms.
Grace’s heart began to pound hard and her mouth went dry. Suddenly Rayleen wasn’t just some old, washed-up, lonely woman. She was Grace in thirty years. Grace, who lashed out when she felt vulnerable. Grace, who couldn’t let herself need or want anything from anyone.
She poured herself another beer and drank it fast.
If she didn’t change her life, someday she’d have to do this. Find some way to force people close. And by that time, it wouldn’t be so easy to get the small things she needed. She wouldn’t be able to use her body the way she did now, to touch men when she wanted and then push them away. To find release and pleasure at a moment’s notice. And no one would take her in if she needed help. She’d just be another crazy old grouch who was too mean to have real friends.
She had to get out of here soon. She had to pay off her debt and start her new life. Make a new way for herself. She didn’t want to end up like Rayleen any more than she wanted to end up like her own mother: weak and broken and used up and stupidly wondering why things weren’t better.
Because you never make anything better, she’d said to her mom when she’d last seen her three years ago. Because your one gift in life is being so malleable you bend like putty. Her mom had simply looked confused and cried a few tears at Grace’s meanness. The meanness that had gotten her through her mom’s abusive boyfriends, and then a life of fear and violence on the streets.
But Grace could see what she’d done wrong now. She’d been so afraid of becoming her mom that she’d made herself too strong. She couldn’t bend at all. She could only fall over and shatter, hurting anyone who got near.
There had to be a better way. She had to find it. If she was going to be alone, she didn’t want it to be like this.
“I don’t hate him, you know.”
Grace blinked from her thoughts and saw that Cole was leaning against the bar, head bowed. “Who?” she asked.
“Easy. He’s not just my boss. He was my dad’s best friend. He’s been like an uncle to me. Hell, maybe another father.”
“So, what’s wrong?”
“This thing with the movie production.”
“Ah. You’re pissed that he accepted the offer. It was a pretty fair price, you know. You can’t begrudge him that. The studio was under the gun.”
“He didn’t do it for the money. He did it to teach me a lesson.”
“What lesson?”
“Hell if I know. Something for my own good, I gather.”
She watched the way his mouth flattened with anger. With his head tipped down, she couldn’t see much more beneath his hat. “You must know.”
His lips turned up into a tight smile and he finally met her gaze. “Easy doesn’t have any kids. I’m supposed to buy his ranch when he’s ready to retire. Close enough to a son, I guess. At least he’ll know the person who owns his land. But now he’s not sure.”
“Not sure of what?”
“Not sure I’m the right man for the job anymore.”
