Page 13 of Vacations from Hell


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“Passed out. So pathetic.” She rolls her eyes and straightens her shoulders. “What do you wanna do? Gamble? Scope the scene? Find cute boys? Slay vampires?”

“I’m up for the first two,” Liz says, and scans the room. “Let’s start at the bar.”

When we make our way over, a much older but still very hot bartender asks us what we’d like to drink. Liz purrs her order over the bar, showing extra cle**age.

She turns back to us and murmurs, “Dibs.”

“He’s old enough to be your father,” Hailey says.

“I like mature men. They smell better. Like fine wine.” She lifts her glass to ours and we clink.

As I lower my glass, I spot him.

The one.

I know right away. He’s it. He’s perfect.

Standing by the blackjack table.

If I thought Checker Boy was cute, this guy is a whole other level of cute. The level twelve of cute. He’s gorgeous. Tall, shiny dark hair, sculpted cheekbones, shoulders like a quarterback’s. Unlike Mr. Bartender he can’t be more than twenty-two. And he’s wearing a tux.

Seriously.

Who needs a quarter? I just found my very own James Bond. An old-school, dark-haired one too. Go me.

“Dibs,” I whisper.

Liz squeezes my shoulder. “Good call.”

“I’m in love,” I say.

“I can see that,” she says. “Wipe your chin. You drooled.”

“Where, where? Show me him!” Hailey says, jumping in place.

“Don’t be too obvious,” I warn her, flipping my hair in my most nonchalant way. “Look over at the blackjack table.”

She oh-so-casually spins a hundred and eighty degrees. “Ooooh. He’s hot. Go for him!”

I fidget with my dress. “How? What do I do?”

Hailey turns to Liz. “Yeah, tell us what to do. How did you know what to do to get that swimmer at the pool? Where is he anyway? Are you meeting up with him?”

Liz shrugs. “Nah. It’s over. He was boring.”

Hailey laughs. “I guess you already found someone new. Tell us your secrets so we can follow in your footsteps, will you?

She motions us closer. “It’s all about the attitude. He should know that you think you’re all that. If you think you’re all that, he’ll think you’re all that. But being all that doesn’t mean ‘I’m better than you.’ It means, ‘I’m fantabulous and you seem like you are too, so maybe we deserve each other.’”

“Fantabulous?” I repeat.

“Yes.” She nods emphatically. “Absolutely fantabulous.”

“I can do that,” Hailey says. “I can be absolutely fantabulous. What else?”

“That’s it.”

“That’s all it takes to find a boyfriend?” Hailey asks.

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