Page 18 of Vacations from Hell


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I have to find him.

By eleven Hailey has set up next to me. By twelve Liz is back with messy hair and a naughty smile on her face.

“And what took you so long?” I ask.

She winks. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

By two there’s still no James at this pool, and I decide I might as well look around the ship. “I wonder where he is,” I say.

If he’s not going to come to me, I’m going to have to go to him.

“Anyone wanna come stalk James with me?” I ask.

“Definitely,” Liz says, slipping on her flip-flops.

The three of us hit the deck.

“Let’s see,” Liz says. “There are three other pools on the boat. Which one will he be at?”

“Let’s start at the top and work our way down,” Hailey suggests.

We try the eleventh-floor pool first. Kiddie pool. No James.

“At least I know he has no children,” I say. There you go—now I know three things about him.

We try the tenth-floor pool next. It’s the fitness pool. It’s long and rectangular, and there are a whole bunch of hard-core workout buffs swimming laps.

No James. No sun either, since it has a roof. I flip my sunglasses to the top of my head.

“I like this pool,” Hailey says, ogling the pumped-up guys hard at work. “Can we come back here later?”

“Watching them is too tiring,” Liz says. “Next!”

Last pool—ninth floor. We step out of the elevator and—

Omigod. “There he is!” I say, pointing. James! In the flesh! In the hot tub! Oh! Even though there’s a roof, he’s wearing aviator sunglasses, and he’s holding a beer and he’s just as gorgeous as I remember and he’s sitting next to a girl and—

A girl. Who is this girl and why is she stalking my man? I’m the only one who gets to stalk my man.

The girl is giggling at something James is saying: a high, tinkling, annoying giggle, a giggle that makes me want to kill her.

h. “He said he’d see me around and disappeared. I give up. I’m going to watch TV in bed.”

Liz adjusts her dress. “I’m going to hang out with the bartender. Guess I can’t take him back to our room, then.”

“Sorry.”

“No problem. I’ll find somewhere to go.”

“Avoid the deck,” Hailey tells her.

Liz winks. “Don’t wait up.”

“She’s a master,” Hailey says, and gives Liz a small bow.

And I’m the worst pupil ever.

“Why isn’t he here?” I wonder out loud.

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