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This Tuesday, on PATRIOT DAUGHTERS!
(A group of British soldiers bursts into the home of BETSY ROSS, surrounding her and her reading circle of comely young women.)
VO, CONT’D.
Has time finally run out for Betsy and her revolutionary band of sisters?
BRITISH COMMANDER
Miss Ross, we are to arrest you for treason. You give these rebels a symbol through your sewing, I hear. What say you to these charges?
(Betsy sheds her dressing gown. Underneath, she wears stockings and a skimpy undershirt. The other women follow suit.)
BETSY ROSS
How could I make a flag, sir, when I seem to have run out of thread?
VO, CONT’D.
She gave it all for her country — and then she gave just a little more.
Watch the show critics say “makes American history totally hot… . It takes some of the most important women of the Revolutionary War and turns them into hellcats who fight the British with everything they’ve got — and then some.”
Followed by the season premiere of CAPTAINS BODACIOUS IV: BADDER AND MORE BODACIOUSER.
(Several hunky, shirtless young men in breeches, earrings, and very little else stand on a large ship. There seems to be a feeling of mutiny in the air.)
PIRATE CHU
Cor blimey, Cap’n Sinjin! We ran away from prep school for this?
CAPTAIN SINJIN
Might I remind you that we witnessed a murder and were forced to go on the run? Believe me, I’d rather be studying for my chem final than running from barmy terrorist blokes who want to kill us just because we know too much.
PIRATE AHMED
Captain! Starboard — look!
(Captain Sinjin puts a small telescope to his eye. When he pulls it away, his expression is one of teen heartthrob alarm. His hair is still perfect.)
CAPTAIN SINJIN
Gentlemen, we may get a battle yet.
FIRST MATE GEORGE
Should we oil our pecs, sir, so that we’ll look fantastic during the fight scenes?
CAPTAIN SINJIN
Indeed. Gentlemen! Glisten up those pecs! And if you’ve got any hair gel for making tousled waves, now’s the time to use it! We stand and fight. But we stand and fight with hotness on our side.
VOICEOVER
PATRIOT DAUGHTERS. Tuesdays at 8. CAPTAINS BODACIOUS IV: BADDER AND MORE BODACIOUSER at 9. Followed by a special encore performance of CAPTAINS BODACIOUS III: THE CALL OF BOOTY at 10. Only on The Corporation Network: Giving you what you don’t even know you want.
MISS TEEN DREAM FUN FACTS PAGE!
