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Please fill in the following information and return to Jessie Jane, Miss Teen Dream Pageant administrative assistant, before Monday. Remember, this is a chance for the judges and the audience to get to know YOU. So make it interesting and fun, but please be appropriate. And don’t forget to mention something you love about our sponsor, The Corporation!
Name: Sosie Simmons
State: Miss Illinois
Age:16
Height: 5’ 6”
Weight: 118 lbs
Hair: Strawberry blond
Eyes: Green
Best Feature: My hands
Fun Facts About Me:
I am hearing impaired but that doesn’t stop me! I hear with my heart. Well, not really. Because, as anybody who is not a complete and total moron knows, the heart does not have ears. This is the kind of s**t they make disabled people say all the time so everybody’s all “okay” with us. Soooo annoying.
o;You got the best one,” Miss Ohio lamented.
“Here. Merry Christmas. I come from sallow people. I accept my fate.” Adina handed the bronzer to Miss Montana, who singsonged “Awesome!” and promised to share with her teammates as long as they didn’t all use the brush and get it bacterified, which would give them pimples.
“Teen Dreamers, I am very proud of us. You’ve given us the Department of Teen Dreamland Security. Personally, I know I will sleep better tonight knowing this is here. If anything tries to mess with us, we will show it that Miss Teen Dreamers mean business.”
“What’s your weapon?” Adina pressed.
Taylor cocked her head as if she had just asked the stupidest question in the world. “I am my own weapon, Miss New Hampshire.”
“Ready!” Petra shouted.
The girls stopped what they were doing and went to help Petra with the banner she’d been sewing for many days. “All right, Miss Teen Dreamers. Let’s get that banner a-wavin’ proud like the red, white, and blue!” Shanti balanced on Jennifer’s shoulders, and Adina sat on Nicole’s. They tied the corners to the limbs of two scraggly trees.
“How does it look?” Shanti called down.
Petra’s needlework was evident in the carefully crafted letters: IT’S MISS TEEN DREAM, BITCHES!
Petra stepped back to examine it. She smiled. “Perfect.”
COMMERCIAL BREAK
VOICEOVER
This Tuesday, on PATRIOT DAUGHTERS!
(A group of British soldiers bursts into the home of BETSY ROSS, surrounding her and her reading circle of comely young women.)
VO, CONT’D.
Has time finally run out for Betsy and her revolutionary band of sisters?
BRITISH COMMANDER
Miss Ross, we are to arrest you for treason. You give these rebels a symbol through your sewing, I hear. What say you to these charges?
(Betsy sheds her dressing gown. Underneath, she wears stockings and a skimpy undershirt. The other women follow suit.)
