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I blinked a few times, because nodding felt like a lie and I was definitely not okay.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever been okay.
And if anything happened to Chris when we cut his lunar tie, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be okay.
But I’d live with that fear and not let it control me. For right now, in this moment, I was going to enjoy a simple meal with my friends and loved ones. Because the gnawing premonition was back, and I wasn’t sure when I’d get to sit here with Chris and Van again. So, I took a picture in my mind. Something to savor when times got hard, because they would. If I was finally seeing the truth about my mother, then everything was about to get a whole lot worse.
Chapter Seventeen
CHRIS
The light had darkened outside as we ate. I’d ordered pie, and nearly finished the whole thing before I called myself good. No one else came into the restaurant while we were there, and on any other day, that would’ve bummed me out—I didn’t want them to be scared of me—but today I was glad that we had the whole place to ourselves. It gave all of us the freedom to really talk about everything—from the workings of the fey courts to bargains to what made the fey so different from anyone else. And the more we talked, the more I realized that I hadn’t understood the rules for the different courts at all. Not a fucking bit.
The more we talked, the more I understood why Cosette had been her mother’s spy for so long. She maneuvered the conversation like a pro. Any time we hit something that she wasn’t allowed to talk about, she’d find a way to circle around to either Van or Elowen or she’d give me enough information that I could figure the answer out on my own.
Elowen warmed up after I agreed to help save her—which felt like the most nonbargain ever—but she ended up being able to tell me more than Van and Cosette put toget
her. It didn’t take me long to figure out why Cosette had picked her for the spell. She was smart, strong, cunning, and hated the fey courts and politics as much as Cosette. They were a pair of princesses who had been abused and wanted change. But after we talked, I had information about the courts that I didn’t have before and that was going to be vital to my survival.
I’d thought all of the fey told the truth, but that was mostly just a Lunar Court thing. Solar didn’t lie, but they didn’t kill anyone who told an untruth. Midnight felt that if you were smart enough, you should be able to see the truth hidden inside layers of lies. Gales was just straight-up deceitful and from the sound of it—their morals were garbage.
The more they told me, the more confused I became. Each court seemed to have their own rules, but one thing seemed to be common across all of them: They were deadly. If you didn’t know what games they were playing, you’d end up dead—or worse, a slave.
After hearing all of that, I should’ve been more scared about approaching Ziriel, but I wasn’t. I knew what I wanted. With the coin, Ziriel would give it to me. That was going to be that.
And if it wasn’t, well, I’d cross that bridge when I got to it.
After dinner, Van took Elowen back to St. Ailbe’s. He wanted to be with us at Gales to make sure that Ziriel stayed honest.
I’d paid the waitress with the card I kept under my shoe’s insole, more than doubling the total on the tip line because of all the business we’d lost them, and waited for Van to come back.
“Are you okay?” Cosette asked.
“I don’t know.” I turned my chair so that I could look at her. “I’m a little nervous about what’s going to happen when we meet with Ziriel, but I’m trying to stay positive. You?”
She looked everywhere but at me, and I could almost see the way she wanted to get up and pace. Instead, she was nervously tapping her fingertips on the table.
I covered her hand with mine, stopping the tapping. “It’s going to be okay.”
Her gaze snapped to mine. “You don’t know that.”
“I’ll make it okay. Just don’t give up on me. No matter what happens.”
She started to say something, but Van appeared beside us and she closed her mouth, stopping whatever words she was about to say.
“Ready?” Van’s words were soft as he glanced from Cosette to me and back again.
I was pretty sure he figured out he’d come back at the wrong moment, but I wasn’t sure there was a good moment for him to come back. This was dangerous and scary and there was so much we could lose. But I couldn’t think about that. I had to focus on doing one thing. The first step. Getting up from the chair and leaving. Which I would do. I just needed one more look at my mate before we traveled back to Gales.
I gave Cosette a long look, but she shook her head, turning away from me. She was scared. The sickly sweet stench of it filled the air, and I hated it. I wanted to make her less afraid, to be able to say the one perfect thing that would make her okay, but we both had a lot to lose. I wasn’t sure I had those words for myself, let alone words that could help her, too.
So, I stood up from my chair. “I’m not ready, but let’s do it anyway.” I just hoped I didn’t lose the food I’d eaten.
I reached for Cosette, and her hand shook in mine as I pulled her up.
“You sure?” Van asked.
Cosette shook her head again, but I pulled her into me.
