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“Hell yeah. We’re moving on up.”
I nodded. Joe frowned and closed his laptop.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked.
“Not much,” I lied. “How are your kids doing?”
“That’s a sudden topic change. They’re good.”
“What was it like having them?” I asked. “Did you ever think your life would turn out the way it has when you decided to have kids?”
Joe laughed. “Those are very deep questions. And very out of character for you. Why the sudden interest? Don’t tell me you broke one of your rules.”
I shrugged, not answering any of Joe’s questions. Joe waited only a short while before deciding I wasn’t going to give him an answer, and he carried on.
“Having kids is the best, man. It’s the hardest thing I’ve done, but it’s amazing. If I had to go back, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
I nodded slowly, turning it over in my head.
“The moment you have a baby, it’s like nothing you planned for your future matters anymore. A lot of people say they won’t let having kids change their lives, but you can’t help it. They become the center of your universe, and you watch this little miracle grow, becoming aware of the world. They look at shit differently. They teach you to look at the world differently, too. But I can’t explain to you what it’s like, not really. You can’t know until you have kids of your own.”
Joe made it sound like something I might like. When he spoke about his children, it wasn’t hard to see that they were his world. He loved them so much, and it was plain as day. I wanted that. But I didn’t know if I could do something like that. I didn’t know if I could be that dad. And if Rena didn’t want me in her life, there would be nothing I could do.
Or if she decided to give up the child. That was still an option, and I couldn’t stop her from doing that if it’s what she really wanted.
“Do you want to tell me what this is all about?” Joe asked.
I shook my head. “It’s nothing. I have to get back to work.”
I stood and left Joe’s office. He had a lot of questions, I knew. But I wasn’t going to answer them until I figured out exactly how I felt and what I wanted. I walked back to my office not feeling any calmer. I hadn’t gotten the answers I had needed. But to get those answers, I would have to ask the right questions. And I wasn’t ready to voice them yet.
Chapter 25
Rena
Today was the day. I was going to meet the sister I hadn’t even known I had until about two weeks ago. This was crazy. It was a stupid idea, a mistake. I should turn around and go home.
But it was too late now. I was headed to the bistro where I was going to meet Morgan and Zoe. Standing them up now wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t take away my curiosity about a life that could have run parallel to mine, about a woman who was related to me, whether I knew about her or not.
If I didn’t go now, I would never know the answers to all the questions I had, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to live without that knowledge.
My stomach was bunched into a fist of nerves. I felt like I was going to throw up. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was nervous or if it was morning sickness. There was a possibility it was both.
I had thrown up again this morning. I hadn’t even gotten around to eating yet before my stomach had thrown all its contents out. I had only had a cup of coffee, and it had set everything off.
When I arrived at the bistro, Morgan and Zoe were already there. I walked up to them, recognizing them right away. Morgan’s face was familiar because I had seen her once before. Zoe’s face was familiar because it was the face I had been looking at in the mirror every day of my life. She looked almost exactly like me. It was unsettling.
No wonder Morgan had known who I was the moment I had stepped into Dunkin’ Donuts when we’d met last week.
When the two women spotted me, they both stood up. Morgan introduced Zoe to me. My sister held out her hand to me, and I took it. We sat down at the table. They each ordered coffee, but I was scared I wouldn’t be able to stomach it, so I asked for a glass of water.
“Thank you so much for agreeing to meet me,” Zoe said. “I know this must have come as quite a shock. I struggled to wrap my mind around it when I first found out, too.”
