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“I’m saying there’s nothing in your prior experience as a Sedona resort owner that could have prepared you for becoming an alpha wolf, especially during a deadly season of all-encompassing territorial war. Unless you’d lived in your role for decades, say perhaps with military experience in Afghanistan or Iraq, and had gone through the experience repeatedly, I don’t see how you could have known what or what not to do. But that’s just my opinion.”
“Is this your subtle way of telling me I’m being too hard on myself, because right now I think I’ve been foolish and even cruel.”
Mary glanced around the room slowly, floor-to-ceiling, side-to-side, then spoke in a strong voice. “Sharon, if you’re here, I’m sorry about what I’m going to say next.”
She then turned again to face Fergus. “Your wife was unfaithful to you, but that was her choice. Not every woman who’s dissatisfied with her marriage, even deeply unhappy, steps outside the bounds of her commitments. Only Sharon can be held accountable for the choices she made. In the case of her last lover, it got her killed. Life isn’t easy for any of us. You were learning how to serve as an alpha. It seems to me you either made a huge mistake with your wife or you’re not truly fit to be an alpha leader.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Fergus, I can feel even now that you’re not really with me. It’s as though there’s a thick steel door between us, and I’m not sure it can be breached by you or by me. You might be either an alpha or a husband, but it’s possible you can’t be both. It’s not a crime, Fergus, but it’s something you might want to think about.”
“Are you saying I should have stepped down for Sharon?”
“Or divorced her. Or sought outside counseling. Our alter world is so new, none of us truly knows how to live this life. I mean do you realize that you are my first romance here in Five Bridges? I’ve been fairly happy as an alter fae, but I’ve found it extremely difficult to want to be intimately involved with another alter man. And look how our relationship began? You forged a dreamglide and seduced me while I was asleep. I probably would have never come to you otherwise. So, what does that make me?”
Fergus experienced that punched-face frown again as he stared at Mary. For the first time he began to ask the why of his original seduction. Why had he gone to her?
“You called to me,” he said, almost to himself. He didn’t look at her. Instead his gaze moved over the stone floor of the bedroom as though hunting for a place to land, where life would make sense again.
“But I didn’t call to you. I swear I didn’t.”
He met her gaze again. “Not you Mary, but your alter self, the part of you that’s no longer human. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why except that maybe it was a basic survival mechanism on my part. Look how many times you’ve saved my ass.”
She smiled. “You’re right about that.”
And she was right; he had a lot to think about.
“I’ll never be able to explain how I created that dreamglide in the first place.”
She took a couple of steps toward him. “Or maybe your pursuit of me is something else completely.”
“Like what?”
“Maybe you’re not supposed to be a border patrol officer any longer or maybe not even the head of a pack. Not all alphas forge packs.”
He shook his head. “Only because there isn’t enough room in Savage. Trust me in this. The drive to create and head up a pack, or take another one over, is stronger than the drive to live. Look at Sydon’s behavior.”
“That’s not a fair comparison at all. That bastard is a psychopath.”
Fergus laughed. “I won’t argue with you there.” He considered her for a moment. “So, where do we go from here, Mary of Revel?”
She shook her head slowly. “I have no idea.”
CHAPTER TEN
MARY STARED AT Fergus for a long moment. She put a hand to her chest since her heart had already started aching. Her reasoning might be rational enough, but being separated from Fergus was going to hurt like nothing she’d ever experienced in her life.
She loved him.
It was as simple as that.
But she also had clarity about who he was and to stay with him would only muddy the waters. Fergus was all for his pack. He didn’t know how to be with a woman right now, in the same way he’d been an absent husband to Sharon. Fergus had issues only he could resolve and her presence wouldn’t help him figure things out.
She kissed his cheek. She let her lips linger for a moment as she drew his scent deep into her nostrils: Stone, wolf musk and wild grasses.
She then straightened her shoulders and headed to the closet.
When she pulled out her flight bag, he asked, “What are you doing?”
