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He doubted it.
"You… knew my mother…?" Jolena asked, her voice trembling at the thought. Perhaps Spotted Eagle had even spoken to her mother from time to time when he was a young boy.
For a moment, Spotted Eagle felt trapped between memories and reality.
To delay responding to Jolena's answer, he reached for his clothes and began dressing. "Spotted Eagle, please tell me," Jolena pleaded, frustration gripping her. "I want to know everything. I have wanted to know these things since I first discovered that my childhood playmates' skin coloring differed from mine and I forced answers from my parentsanswers that revealed to me that I am Indian, not white!"
Nervously running his long, lean fingers through his hair, Spotted Eagle gazed down at Jolena. "You turned from me earlier when I was ready to reveal all truths to you," he said. "Now you are pleading with me for these answers? Why is that?"
"It is only because I could not understand why you didn't tell me the moment you discovered who my true parents were," Jolena responded. "I… thought you were playing some sort of game with me. Now I can tell it is more than that. Until now, something has kept you from revealing the truth to me. What has changed your mind?"
"The commitment that is building between us," Spotted Eagle said, reaching for her hands and holding them lovingly with his. "There should be no secrets between a man and woman who are contemplating marriage."
"Are we?" Jolena said, her voice soft. "Are we truly contemplating marriage?"
"It is my deep desire to have you as my nit-o-kemanmy wife," Spotted Eagle said, drawing her into his embrace. "Let me care for you. Let us share in everything we do, and it is my solemn promise to you that there will be no more secrets between us." "There is only one more thing in life that I want as badly as I want to marry you," Jolena said, swallowing hard as she leaned back enough to be able to look into his dark eyes. "Spotted Eagle, you mentioned my parents' names. You have known them. I know my mother is dead. But what of my true father?"
"Your true father, Brown Elk, is well and soon I will take you to him," Spotted Eagle said. "I will do it tomorrow at the early sun's rising, if you so wish."
Jolena eased from his arms and began a slow pacing, her eyes troubled. She was eager to see her true father and feel the embrace of her true people, yet… yet she had another father, one with whom her life had been shared!
Already she had chosen, by accepting Spotted Eagle's proposal of marriage, not to live with him anymore.
How would be understand any of this, especially that she would forget her loyalties to him after he had given her everything in life that was good?
She stopped and turned toward Spotted Eagle, knowing what she must do, even though delaying meeting with her true father was eating away at her. "No," she said, her voice almost failing her because her emotions were running so sharply through her. "I must continue searching for the elusive, rare butterfly. Once I find it and can send it back to my father in Saint Louis with Kirk, along with the other specimens that I have caught for my father's collection, then I will feel that I have in part repaid my white father for being so good to me."
She paused and her eyes beamed up into Spotted Eagle's. "Then I will feel free to go to my true father and reveal my identity to him," she murmured. "It will be a day of miracles, Spotted Eagle, that after all these years, I will finally be able to embrace my true father and my true people."
Then she became solemn again. "You have not yet told me how you knew who I was," she said softly. "Does someone else know? Did they point me out to you, saying that I was the daughter of Brown Elk?"
Then her eyes widened and she spoke again before Spotted Eagle had the chance to answer. "Am I Blackfoot like you?" she asked, her voice anxious.
"Very much so," Spotted Eagle said, drawing her close and hugging her tightly.
"That is wonderful," Jolena sighed, clinging to him. "Now, darling, tell me how you knew who I was?"
She could feel Spotted Eagle stiffen somewhat and could feel the sudden hammering of his heart against her cheek.
She now feared the answer, more than wanting to hear it!
"How?" Spotted Eagle eased her from his arms and took her hands, leading her down onto the softness of a layer of moss that lined the riverbank. "As I said, there will be no more secrets between us. I will tell you everything." He began his tale, beginning when he was nine and his infatuation for an older woman had begun. Except for having shared this with Two Ridges, he had kept his secret hidden within the depths of his heart. He told Jolena of his feelings for Sweet Dove and how he had felt when word had been received of her death and that her child had been taken from her by an unknown person.
He told Jolena about having gone to his favorite private spot where he had prayed to fires of the sun for Sweet Dove's child, praying that those who took the child would give her much love.
He told Jolena how long he had mourned the loss of Sweet Dove, how in the past he had experienced a strange sort of sinking feeling when he saw her in his mind's eye, so beautiful and alive, so sweet.
"You no longer get that sinking feeling when you think of my mother?" Jolena asked softly. "Why, Spotted Eagle?"
Spotted Eagle looked away from her, then gazed into her eyes again. "Why?" he repeated, placing a gentle hand on her cheek. "Because of you. When you entered my life, many things changed for me."
"Oh, I see, II took the place of my mother in your heart," Jolena said, blinking her eyes up at him.
"More than that," Spotted Eagle said, his eyes again shifting away from her.
"Oh, Lord," Jolena said softly, her voice drawn. "Now I think I know why you knew who I was. When you look at me, you see my mother! That's it, isn't it, Spotted Eagle? In your eyes and heart I am my mother!"
"That is not so," Spotted Eagle said quickly as he turned around to face her. "My feelings for you are different in every way. My feelings for your mother were those of an adolescent. It was merely an infatuation. My feelings for you are those of a man, true and deep."
