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"Now let's not talk anymore about it," he quickly added. "Breakfast is waiting in the dining room. Let's go and eat our fill. Especially you two young'uns. Who's to say what sort of food you're going to get on that steamboat?"
Kirk laid the rest of Jolena's valises aside and went to his father's chair and took over pushing it for him. He gave Jolena a nervous stare as she walked on ahead of the wheelchair, a bounce in her steps this morning that seemed different.
And he knew why.
Though she had not spoken about it, he knew that she was anxious to see if she could find which tribe of Indians was her own, and to see if she could even find her true father. Although she was not going to just out-and-out search for these things of her past, he knew that it would be at the back of her mind day in and out, and that somehow she just might come upon the answers by chance.
He feared this clean to the core of himself, for he knew what this would do to their father. It would devastate him, perhaps even kill him from the heartache of losing her to another. Losing her to a man by exchanged marriage vows was one thing. Losing her to a man whom she would be calling "father" was another.
Kirk had tried his damndest to talk Jolena out of going on this expedition with the other lepidopterists, despite having become one herself at the age of sixteen because of their father's teachings.
But she had vowed to her father that she would find the elusive, rare butterfly and bring it home to him for his collection.
No matter how hard their father had denied wanting to have the butterfly, no matter if deep within his heart he wished now that he had not taught her the skills of his sciencedoing so mainly to fill the void in his life that his paralysis had causedJolena would not be convinced that this rare butterfly was not still as important to him as it had been those many years ago when he had also traveled far to search for it.
Jolena could feel the strain between herself and her father and brother. She knew she was the cause, yet she would not allow anything to ruin this wonderfully exciting day for her. As each moment passed, her excitement built in leaps and bounds.
She walked smoothly on down the long corridor, where doors opened on each side of her into a ho?
?me enchanted by the play of the light from the chandelier in each room.
Jolena moved into the dining room with eager steps. The walls were mellow with flickering light from the great stone fireplace along the far wall, the furniture and glass and memorabilia in the spacious room glinting in sunshine as it poured through the row of windows opposite the fireplace.
She stepped up to the table and stood behind her chair. She waited to sit down after Kirk arrived and positioned their father's wheelchair at the head of the table.
Placing her hands behind her, anxiously clasping and unclasping them, she gazed around her, knowing that when she became homesick, she would remember this room best of all. It wasn't only a dining room. There were also comfortably plush chairs and a sofa that sat in a wide circle before the fireplace. The room was painted a glossy burgundy, making it a cool retreat at luncheon and a warm haven at night as the family nestled around the fire.
French doors opened to a wide and spacious balcony that hung out over the high cliff that overlooked the winding, muddy water of the Mississippi. On a foggy day, the sound of foghorns wafted upward, mysterious and beautiful.
Today, Jolena would be a part of the mystery, her heart thrilling anew at the thought of traveling so far on the steamboat, her destination one of intrigue and expectations that she could not deny made her heart begin thumping, as though drums inside her were beating out a steady rhythm.
Drums.
Indians.
The thought of finally finding at least a part of her heritage by being near Indians caused her to feel a strange sort of headiness.
If only…
Her thoughts were interrupted by her father's voice. "Go and lay more wood on the fire, Kirk," he said, sounding shallow as he held his emotions deeply guarded within him, those same emotions that were there in his eyes every time Jolena looked at him.
He now sat at the table and was spreading a napkin across his lap. Torn with emotions herselfemotions that battled inside her over this decision she had made to leave the life she had always known to step into the unknownJolena silently pulled her chair out from the table and sat down. She gingerly spread her napkin across her lap as Kirk laid two more split walnut chunks against the backlog of the fireplace.
Avoiding her father's steady stare, which made Jolena feel guilty again for leaving him, she watched Kirk as he came to the table. She felt blessed to have such a brother. He was a highly intelligent young man, who was setting aside his future for her, to be her escort. Today he was ever so handsome in his blue corduroy trousers and white linen shirt.
The one thing that was distracting and somewhat threatening was the holstered pearl-handled pistol belted at his waist. It had been a gift from their father, for Kirk to carry with him during the journey to and from the Montana Territory.
It gave Jolena a dried-throat feeling to believe that her brother would ever have need of the pistol, yet she knew that the chances were greater than not that he would be forced to use it.
There were reports of Indian attacks and massacres in the Montana Territory.
Not even realizing that she had picked up her fork and was toying with her platter of scrambled eggs, her father was a sudden, loud reminder.
"Stop playing with your food and eat, damn it," Bryce said, frowning at Jolena, practicing his duties as a father for as long as he was allowed to.
Jolena smiled weakly over at him and nodded. "Yes, father," she murmured. "I… I was just lost in thought. Within the next hour I shall be boarding the steamer. I can't help but be excited."
Bryce gave her another lingering, unnerving stare, then swallowed hard and looked down at his untouched eggs. He so feared losing Jolena once she entered the land of her ancestors. If she came face to face with her true father and people, she might want to stay with them and become one of themone with them.
