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I started to go to the police station this morning, but I don’t think I can handle Kingston’s smug face. I want Luna to be happy, I do. I had just hoped like hell she’d want to see if she could be happy with me.
How fucking sad is that?
I know it’s pathetic to think a woman you loved thirteen years ago and hadn’t seen since, might still have feelings for you. It doesn’t change the truth that I hoped she did. God knows I still have feelings for her. I’ve always had those feelings…
I love her.
Plain and simple, I’ve always loved Luna Marshall. It’s not something I will ever be able to get away from, because those feelings just won’t go away. I don’t know how to make them disappear and somewhere along the line, I gave up trying.
My gaze goes back to the letter on my bedside table. The Bureau forwarded it here the other day. It’s a note from Rory. She sends them to me sometimes, not often but occasionally. She’s a good woman who had a kingpin sadistic bastard for a brother. I helped her get to safety, not soon enough for my liking, but still… I made a difference there. She was a good woman, beautiful and kind—definitely the kind of woman a man would fight to keep. I liked her and maybe those feelings could have gone farther, but I knew she was in love with another man. The letter was to show me pictures of her new baby… and a family picture with her and the man she loves and their children. Her smile jumps out at you. She’s happy and right where she belongs. I knew it then and I know that despite everything Luna belongs with me…
Jesus, I can’t stay in this room, mourning what could have been. I still have a job, at least for now. Soon, I’ll have to talk to the Bureau about my plans on leaving Montana and moving to Stone Lake. I’m not sure what that means for me with them, but it’s something I have to do. I grab my jacket and head to the door. Screw Ben Kingston. He may have got a small victory the other day, but it sure doesn’t mean he won the war. This time, I’m not giving up and walking away. This time I will fight until there’s nothing left to fight for when it comes to Luna.
I grab my jacket and head to the door. I have a job to do and somehow a family to win back. I pull open the door intent on doing that. It’s irony that I’m met with the one face I’d rather not see.
“Just the man I came here to see. We need to talk,” Kingston says.
Fuck.
Luna
“I’m going out for a walk and maybe stop by and see Ben. I just can’t seem to get in the mindset to work today,” I tell my secretary. I’m so frustrated. I never expected Gavin to make a declaration like he did the other night. It shook me to my core. I still don’t know what to think about it. He’s given me words that I’ve wanted for what seems like my whole life, but he’s given them at the wrong time. You can’t just erase thirteen years… Can you?
Even if I wanted to, he has disappeared. I know I told him I needed time, but who tells you they still… care about you and then you don’t hear from them for days? Who does that? Is he playing games? Is he just respecting my wishes? I don’t know and it really just boils down to the fact that I don’t trust Gavin not to hurt me again. Maybe that’s not fair because everything that happened between us was as out of his control as it was mine. It’s still true, I don’t trust Gavin and I’m scared to try…
“It’s fine. Go relax a little. It’s a beautiful day. You’ve had a stressful couple of weeks,” she says and God… she’s not wrong.
I do my best to smile at her and then head out.
She’s right, it is a beautiful day. I look over the town that I love. My neighbors waving and calling out hello. I love it here. I love that my son gets to grow up here. I love that I know everyone in this small town. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. Gavin hates this place, and he has reasons for feeling that way. Can he actually mean it when he says he’s moving back here?
If he did that would he end up hating me and Joshua both?
I sigh because I have a million and one questions, but I honestly don’t have any answers. I walk to the sheriff’s office. I need to talk to Ben. We didn’t exactly leave things in a good position the other day either. He hasn’t called, but then I never expected him to. I hurt him. The thing is, I don’t know how to fix it because I’m not sure how I feel. I have to work through everything with Gavin and figure things out before I can be honest with Ben. He deserves that, and I don’t want to hurt him. He’s a good man and I’m lucky to have him in my life. He doesn’t deserve a woman who is still hung up on a man she fell in love with thirteen years ago, however. That’s what it boils down to, and that’s what I need to figure out.
