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“Maybe because, despite everything, I still believe in you, Gavin.”
He goes quiet, something moving across his face that I don’t understand. The pain is still there, but now there’s something… more.
“That’s something that I never forgot, not in all these years,” he says, his voice somber.
“What’s that?”
“You always did believe in me, even when the evidence said you shouldn’t. You still did. I never realized how special that was, until you weren’t in my life anymore.”
Gavin sits down at the table, turning his back to me. He looks more than a little broken, and maybe I should take some pleasure in that. Maybe I should feel like he deserves it after everything I went through alone. But, I don’t. I can tell he’s hurting right now, and I can’t find pleasure in that. I also know, that whatever is between us, it doesn’t factor into what’s going on with our son. Gavin cares that he has a son, even a blind man could see that. If Josh decides to let him in, I can tell, Gavin will try and be a good father. I don’t know if it’s too late for that, that will be up to Joshua. But it makes me feel better knowing that Gavin will at least try. I even find myself hoping that Joshua gives him a chance.
“I missed so much,” he whispers. “I’ll never get that back, no matter what I do.”
“I wish I could tell you that you’re wrong, but I know I can’t. I might have something to make it better, though.”
“I don’t think anything can do that.”
“Are you willing to let me try?” I ask him, trying to smile even though we’re both sad and lost in emotions that neither of us know how to process right now.
“You always could make miracles,” he says.
“Take my hand and let’s see if I can make one more,” I tell him, reaching out.
He puts his hand in mine, and I ignore the warmth that moves through my body, or at least I try to. Instead, I concentrate on the reason Gavin is here, the real reason. He wants a relationship with our son, and despite everything, I would like that too. I’ve always wanted Joshua to have a relationship with his father. I’ve seen over the years the way it affected him when all of his friends would do things with their father and Joshua was left out. I tried to fill in the gaps, but there’s only so much a mother can do. Sometimes, a boy really needs his father. I used to get so angry at Gavin for depriving our son of that.
Finding out that it happened without Gavin’s knowledge has been a revelation. There’s so much that I haven’t worked through in my mind, and I know I need to. I will eventually, but I just need time to process things slowly. It seems like my life has changed overnight, and I’m not sure what to do about it—or even if I can do anything about it.
“Where are we going?” Gavin asks.
“You’ll see,” I respond, and I hope when he sees what I have to show him that it will help somehow.
Gavin
Luna leads me through the house. I don’t know where we’re going, but as long as she’s leading, I’d follow her anywhere. It’s always been that way and I’m pretty sure it’s never going to change.
I didn’t mean for Luna to see me so upset, but it’s good that she did. I don’t want her to think that I fail to realize what a gift she gave, by giving me a second chance with my son. I just hope that I can get Joshua to somehow give me the same second chance. There’s no reason he should, but maybe he inherited his mother’s goodness.
Luna takes me into her room and closes the door. I look around her bedroom and smile. The room is decorated in pale yellows and grays. It’s warm and inviting and somehow reminds me of Luna.
“Uh, Luna, not to complain or anything, but if you’re planning on seducing me, you might give me a little time to stop feeling sorry for myself,” I joke, feeling out of my depth and unable to work through this raw pain that I’m feeling.
“Very funny,” she mutters. “I wanted to show you this,” she says, bending down to open up her dresser drawer and pulling out a box.
“What’s this?” I ask, taking the box.
Luna pulls me over to the bed and we sit down. I stare at the box in my lap, afraid to open it.
“Will you open it already?” Luna exclaims. It’s a box covered in a blue fabric that has flowers on it. The fabric is puffy as if there is stuffing behind it. “Gavin!” she scolds exasperated.
I take a deep breath, wondering why I am so nervous. Then, I open the box, putting the lid on the mattress beside me.
