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"Now, you're sucking on a popsicle. Its flavor is strange, salty. You realize it's a cock, would you keep sucking?"
I blinked.
"Don't think. Just let your gut answer," she said.
"Yes," I said. "I would keep sucking."
She smiled, then she scribbled down a few notes.
Then she said, "you're walking in the park at night. You stumble across a man and a woman having sex. Do you watch?"
"How are they doing it?" I asked.
"She's on her hands and knees. He's fucking her from behind. Do you watch?"
"Yes, I watch," I said.
She nodded, scribbled some more notes.
Then she said, "you offer to give a stranger a blowjob. Do you want him to wear a condom or not?"
"What flavors does he have on him?" I asked.
My question came out of nowhere. I surprised myself by asking it.
The old woman put her pen down. She turned her eyes to me and looked right at me.
"You offer to give a stranger a blowjob. He has minty blue and cherry red condoms. Do you want him to wear a condom or not?"
"I'd tell him to put on the cherry red. Then I'd blow him." I said.
"How?" She asked.
"How?"
"Yes, how?" She asked.
"Slowly at first, to savor it," I said. "Then fast to make sure he got off."
The old woman cleared her throat. I realized I'd thrown her off her stride. I felt proud of this. I doubt that happened much.
She went through several more obscene questions.
Her last question was as follows: "You're in a room with men. You're entirely naked. All of the men are watching you. Would you rather have anal sex with the overweight smelly one or the greasy thin one?"
"Really?" I said. "You're really going to ask me that?"
She didn't say anything. She just waited for my answer.
"The greasy thin one," I said. "He'd be better lubed for the job."
She nodded as if that was what she expected. Very briefly she scribbled on her pad.
Then she looked up at me.
"Can you wait here a minute?" She asked.
I shrugged.
