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“Mother, I’ve told you countless times,” Jay began, smiling down at his mother. “I’m fine. There’s no need to worry so much.”
“But I do and will,” she said, not relenting. Turning her attention to Erika her expression softened as she reached out and took her hands. In her warm blue depths, she offered her a silent message of gratitude. “You will come back to the farm and join us for dinner?”
A bittersweet taste on her tongue had Erika shaking her head slowly. Jay was alive and well. She would have given her own life to secure his. Or her own happiness.
The greatest joy next to seeing him standing before her healthy and alive would be standing next to him as his wife. Something that now could never be. As it was the money from her grandfather’s trust fund that had paid for his surgery, Erika had sealed her own fate. She was no longer free to marry a Colby.
“I agree, Jay needs his rest.” She offered him an uncomfortable smile as her words drew the corners of his mouth down. “Perhaps, if it is convenient I shall pay a visit tomorrow.”
Mrs. Colby looked a bit stunned, naturally assuming Erika would want to be with Jay so soon after his arrival. And she did. Desperately. But she didn’t think her poor heart could take the hollowness of seeing him and not touching him.
Jay frowned, and then shifted his gaze to Ryan who still stood next to her. Something raw and painful quickly passed across his eyes before his countenance turned to its old cold self. “Tomorrow will be fine.”
“May we take you home?” Lillith asked.
“No, I think I’m going to stay a while.”
After the Colbys left, Erika continued to stand riveted to her spot. A pain so severe ate horribly at her insides. She wanted to be with Jay, but marriage was now impossible. The question that had tormented her so grievously over the past couple of months, was whether she could live the life of a mistress. His mistress?
Truthfully, Erika wasn’t entirely sure how Jay felt about her. In his eyes, she thought she saw something of hope, but then the memory of his rejection still haunted Erika.
The following afternoon, she followed the train tracks toward the Colby farm. As usual, sh
e stopped on the bridge and admired the view, allowing it to soothe her troubled thoughts.
Erika knew in her heart what she must do. Knew all along. She had not come so close to losing Jay without learning a valuable lesson. The first moment she had a chance alone with him, she would tell him her feelings.
When she approached the home, she saw Jay sitting on the porch with Garrett and his parents. Lillith was the first to exclaim her happiness at seeing Erika.
“So glad you decided to come. Please have a seat,” she said, gesturing to an empty chair as she rose to her feet. “What can I get you to drink?”
Erika’s eyes fastened on Jay as he too held her gaze. She barely grasped his mother’s words so had to force her attention back around to the woman. “No, thank you. I was actually hoping to have a word with Jay.”
There was a small start on her part, but she quickly answered, “Of course.”
But Jay did not get up. He simply continued to sit there staring at her. Unsmiling.
Erika felt horribly uncomfortable and nearly begged when she whispered, “Alone.”
Again, he did not move immediately. Then he quietly asked, “Where’s Ryan?”
“Ryan?”
“He left an hour ago. I assumed to fetch you.”
Her brows dipped. “You assumed wrong. He is not with me.”
He paused, then finally pushed himself up from his chair and came down the porch steps toward her. Relieved, Erika shot a glance at his family waiting on the porch before looking around uncertainly for somewhere private.
“How about the barn?” Jay suggested, as if guessing her thoughts.
She nodded, and then hurried in front of him toward the large red painted barn. When inside, she spun around and was relieved to see he had indeed followed her.
Nevertheless, this did not stop her throat from constricting or her palms from getting sweaty. Then when he stepped inside the dimly lit barn towering above her, something in Erika melted.
Perhaps it was the sight of his surgical dressing, the hollowness of his cheeks, the shadows around his eyes. All signs of the suffering he had endured the past couple of months.
Without thought, Erika went to him.
