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“Who was heavy Anna?” He asked, all the while stroking her hands.
“The baby.” The words rasped across her lips and Wade felt their affect all the way down his spine.
“What baby?” Prescott inquired, trying hard to piece the story together.
Anna could not reply right away as she was suddenly seized with the shakes and was trying hard to control them. Wade watched her with torture and wanted so much to take the burden of her pain. But first, he needed to know. “Your baby?”
She was trying to catch her breath and he waited a heart stopping moment before she finally shook her head. “No.”
“Whose baby?”
“Mother’s.” The tears continued to flow and she didn’t even attempt to wipe them away. Wade removed his handkerchief from his neck a
nd got up from his chair to take the seat next to her. Gazing down into her face, he gently wiped her cheeks. She looked up at him and for the first time since the falls, trust reflected in those brown depths. “They were coming. I could hear them. I ran as fast as I could, but he was so heavy.”
Wade nodded, silently encouraging her.
“I had to hide,” she told him in despair. “They would find me and kill me. I was so frightened. But the baby wouldn’t stop crying.”
“The baby led them to you?” An understanding light lit his eyes.
“I was so scared. I hid behind Stellar Falls. But I couldn’t hear them.” She sobbed again and her eyes cried painfully up at him. “The water was so loud. And the baby wouldn’t stop crying. They were going to find me. I tried to hush him, but he kept crying. I put him beneath the water, just for a moment, to quiet him, but he only cried harder when I brought him up.”
Wade felt the first stirring of a horrific chill run up and down his spine, but he worked hard to keep it out of his expression as he continued to hold her gaze.
“They were going to kill me. He wouldn’t stop crying. I had to quiet him, so I put him under once more…” She stopped speaking and looked at Wade with big and terrified eyes. Anna did not need to go any further.
“He drowned?” He asked softly and when she nodded, he pulled her into his arms and allowed her to release a long and pent up sorrow.
“My God,” Prescott quietly said and both brothers exchanged glances over her head. He felt her body overcome with repressed sadness and guilt. Spasms rocked her small frame and Wade pulled her closer. He felt and understood her suffering. When she had nearly been killed at the river, he had felt fully to blame. It was far too powerful a responsibility when the life of another lay fully in your hands. When failed, is beyond any human comprehension or acceptance. No amount of time or understanding could ever heal the guilt.
They sat like that for a very long time. No one said anything until at last the convulsions began to ease and she slowly regained an ounce of control. Using the kerchief, he eased her gently away to wipe some of her tears.
“You’re not to blame, Anna,” he told her.
She looked up and her eyes reflected the torture she felt inside. “I killed an innocent child to spare my own life.”
“You did what you needed in order to survive.” He held her gaze with steady conviction. “None of us can determine how we would react under times of such horrific circumstances. That’s when our innate instinct kicks in and shows us the way.”
“My instinct is that of a murderer?” She gasped and tried to pull out of his embrace.
He held on tightly and refused to let her go. “Your instinct knew you were meant to go on living. You’ve escaped death three times, Anna. You aren’t meant to die just yet. There was a purpose for your life to have been spared. You aren’t done here on earth.”
Her brows wavered, obviously not entirely believing him, but somewhere deep inside her brown eyes he saw the first flicker of hope. Reaching up, he stroked the side of her head and said, “You were meant to come into my life.”
A spark flashed across her face, then just as swiftly was doused and replaced with anguish. Wade sighed and pulled her back into his arms. He knew it was going be a long time before she could ever forgive herself.
“Wade’s right,” Prescott said. “What happened up on that mountain has brought nothing but tragedy. It stops here. No more suffering. This conversation does not go beyond the three of us. We shall bury it along with the victims of that village.”
She turned in Wade’s arms to look over at his brother and he saw Prescott give her an understanding and determined look. “You have been the greatest victim of all. You survived. You will have to live for the rest of your life with the memory of what happened that day. No form of punishment could torture you more.”
Tears fell once more, but silently this time and Wade began to feel that at last she was finding some form of conciliation with what she had done. Even if momentarily. Because, as Prescott stated, she would remember the horrific events on that mountain for the remainder of her days.
* * *
Anna stood on the back porch and looked up toward Mount Louis. She had woken that morning to a bright and sunny day. Inside she was slowly beginning to heal. Since the events of what happened in the village, she was finally able to look upon the mountain with a sense of tranquility and peace in her heart. With her memory fully restored, the tragedy of that day would haunt Anna for the rest of her life, but she was learning to live with the guilt and eternal sorrow she knew would never leave.
She heard movement behind her and saw Wade approach. He came and leaned against the rail next to her, his arm slightly brushing her own. Gazing up at the mountain, he said, “It’s most beautiful first thing in the morning.”
