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“No, it’s not nothing.” I snapped. “If it's on your mind, you need to just say it. What is it?”
“Well, it’s not just the money. I want to work with you. I think you’re brilliant. That’s all.”
Her flattery caught me by surprise. To my knowledge, it was the first time she’d ever said something nice to me. Even so, she had to understand what I was trying to tell her. I allowed her compliment to go unacknowledged, hoping it would focus her attention.
“You need to get some backbone, Fiona. This position. It’s gonna require some guts, some balls, okay?”
She nodded. My challenge flushed her. Crimson streaks spread across her chest.
“Are you angry with me, Fiona?”
“A little, yes.”
“Good,” I replied. Sensing I had her full attention, I intended to make my point clear. “You know, I’ve heard nothing but good things about the quality of your work.”
“Thank you. I wish everyone felt the same way.”
“Fiona, life is filled with disappointment. Most of the time that comes in the form of other people. Trust me, you aren’t alone when it comes to being let down when it matters most. I’ll make this real simple for you. Can you catch up? Yes or no?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Good. That’s what I was hoping you’d say.”
As I finished speaking, her face brightened a bit. I realized she’d been through a lot in her young life but she’d made it this far and in the process beaten out people ten years older than her. She had a ton of potential to not only be a great scientist, but a hell of a woman. Figuring she’d had enough of a scolding for the moment, I shifted gears a bit.
“I’ve… missed not being around the lab much. Seeing your smiling face. You look pretty today.”
Fiona’s eyes snapped to mine. She held them there for an instant before swallowing and repositioning a wayward wisp of hair behind her ear.
Smirking, I nodded at her. “Still struggling with the whole compliment thing I see?”
She chewed her lip for a moment before she replied. “Yes, I’m sorr…”
I glared at her, as she stopped herself mid-sentence.
FIONA
As I made my way back down to the lab, I reflected on what Gabe said and the way he challenged me. On an intellectual level, I understood what he meant, but knowing and doing are two different things.
My immediate reaction to our discussion was twofold.
The first of these was that it was easy for someone like him to ‘have balls’ as he put it. He had the world at his beck and call, bending it to his will. Gabe was accustomed to people doing whatever he asked of them, without question. The type of abrasive persona he suggested I assume was about as foreign to me as a polar bear at the equator. Of course as I considered it, this notion was made even worse since the two things I feared most, even more than death itself, were public speaking and confrontation.
Yet, following Gabe’s suggestion to its logical conclusion, I’d have no alternative but to face them. I took measured steps to the elevator from his office, contemplating my selection of ever-dwindling options in the process. After the doors closed, the elevator glided down the shaft, and as it did, I swallowed and feared for the worst.
As it reached the lab floor and the doors opened, the elevator chimed, an annoying reminder of the task ahead. Stepping out, my mind flooded with horrific scenarios. In fact, the closer I got to the lab, the more certain I became I absolutely could not do as he’d suggested. My stomach fluttered and the skin on my fingers went clammy as I reached for the door handle.
I took one last inhale as I wrapped my shaky digits around it.
Like it or not, I’d have to find a way to play their game. This possible promotion and the money coming with it were too much for me to risk losing. And besides, there was still the tiniest of chances they hadn’t tampered with my cultures. Disregarding my instincts, I put Gabe’s advice aside for the time being.
There was no sense making waves. Not when I was this close to the finish line.
I glanced around as I entered the lab and in an effort to make my reappearance there as inconspicuous as possible, I walked straight towards my workstation, head down and eyes tracing a few inches ahead of my feet.
“Fiona…” I heard Melissa whisper as I passed by them. “Wait.”
I didn’t stop.
Ignoring her, I kept moving until I reached my workstation. Even so, I had no doubt they’d be right behind me, forked tongues lashing at me with innuendo. Almost before I realized it, they stood at the far end of my workstation, opposite one another, staring me down like a hawk homes in on a hapless field mouse.
“What did Gabe want?” Amanda said.
“Yeah,” Melissa began, adding to Amanda’s intrusiveness. “You were gone for over an hour. What happened?”
“What do you mean?” I replied, trying to diffuse the intrusive nature of their comments. “Nothing.”
Melissa scoffed. “Fiona, I can count on one hand the number of times Amanda and I have been summoned to Gabe’s office in all the years we’ve worked here.”
Bending her arm at the elbow, she raised her hand and touched her thumb and index finger together, forming a zero. And just like that, they were right back in high school mode, assuming the worst about Gabe and me.
In that moment, I realized telling them the truth in this situation would be all but impossible. Rather, I had to say something that would make them happy or, I’d been reprimanded and at the same time discourage them from trying anything else to set me back in the meantime. But before I could utter a single syllable, Melissa continued her not-so-subtle accusations.
“Look at you, Fiona. You’re blushing!”
“Yeah,” Amanda said with eagerness in her tone. “Something must have happened. You’re turning bright red.”
Melissa leaned over the edge of my workstation, locking her eyes on me like a beat detective stares down a petty thief. “Come on, Fiona. You can tell us.”
I frowned at them. “There’s nothing…” I began as I forced a swallow down my throat. “… to tell.”
Amanda pointed at me. “You’re lying right now. What’s the big deal, Fiona?”
“Yeah,” Melissa said as she began to rub her hands together. “Spill it. What happened? Did he kiss you?”
“What?” I replied, as I grew increasingly alarmed at the direction their questions headed. “Kiss me? No. What makes you say that?”
Amanda paused for a moment and leaned away from me. Her gaze traveled up and down my face as she studied me. Just then, her eyes widened and she angled her upper body toward Melissa as she whispered something to her. Afterward, the two looked towards one another and began to snicker. In spite of my efforts to downplay it, this couldn’t have gone much worse. However, before long, their laughter simmered down. It was then I found out how much worse it would get.
Separating from one another, they circled around my workstation, closing in on either side of me. My skin prickled as they hovered nearby. I felt like shutting my eyes, covering my ears and just screaming for them to go away and leave me alone. I hadn’t done anything to them other than receive the attention from Gabe they so desperately craved. Was it my fault they hated their husbands and lusted after their boss as a way of compensating or it? After all, I wasn’t responsible for the way he was acting towards me.
They hovered close in silence, taking turns looking at one another as if they were trying to decide who would go first. As the seconds ticked by with growing awkwardness, I decided I was angry with them whether or not they’d done anything to my experiment. Frankly, that didn’t even matter anymore. This wasn’t how professional people ought to behave. But just then, at the instant where I’d thought they couldn’t stoop any further... they did.
“Fiona?” Amanda said in a voice not much louder than a whisper. “Did you sleep with him?”
Melissa gasped.
Without a word, I backed away from them in complete disgust. With my hands in the air, I held them in a position of mock surrender as I stepped backward. For a moment or so, I wasn’t sure how I ought to respond.
“Amanda,” I said, as I fought the urge to slap her. “I’m not even going to dignify that accusation with a response. Now I’ve told you both, repeatedly, there is nothing going on between Gabe and me. And further, even if there were, it’s not the business of either of you. I don’t spend my time meddling in your personal life. Please extend me the same courtesy.”
No sooner had I finished what I thought was a well-reasoned plea, than they leaned across my workstation and high-fived one another as if I never said a word.
“Don’t worry Fiona, honey. If you wanna bang Gabe, more power to you.”
Wasn’t this treatment at the hands of mean girls supposed to be behind me now? These women were easily ten years older than me. So much for my notion of being surrounded by people like me. If anything, they took out their own repressed angst on me, the new girl.
When was this ever going to end?
FIONA
Nearing a red light, I pressed my foot against the brake. The high-pitched whistle of brake pads wearing thin reminded me of yet another thing that new promotion would fix, if only I could keep it together long enough.
