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The whole drive home, I fought the urge. I wanted to stay strong like I always did when things got tough. After all, I was the one everyone ran to when they had problems. Yet here I was again, left to face my problems alone, as usual.
At least I had my grandmother. She’d listen. But thinking of her only made things worse in that moment. As much as I tried to block out the inevitable, it was a matter of time until she… Just then, the first drop fell against the steering wheel with a soft splat. I reached down and smeared my tear into it, afterward drawing my hand up to my cheeks and doing the same against my skin.
As I did, I happened to glance to my left.
Across from me was another car, filled with a family of five. It was like my own… Parents, two boys and little girl. As I looked around at them, my gaze came upon the girl. She’d been watching me cry. My chest flushed as our eyes locked for an instant before I turned my attention back to the road ahead. As the light changed from red to green, I gripped both hands with the steering wheel and pressed the accelerator pedal.
Through a sniffle, I continued to wipe at my eyelids. If my grandmother noticed any signs of my tears, she’d be all over me with questions.
But the truth was… I missed my family. And it still hurt. Even all these years later.
About fifteen minutes later, I arrived home and entered the apartment.
“Grandmother, I’m home…”
I listened for a moment or two to see if she was awake. Hearing nothing, I decided to go ahead and get dinner ready before waking her. So far, I hadn’t been put into a position where I needed to get her a nurse during the day. At some point I would though.
The only question was when.
Soon enough, I finished preparing our food and after waking her and making sure she took her medication, we sat in silence for a few minutes watching a bit of television as we ate.
“You’re awfully quiet this evening, Fiona. Is everything all right?”
Stretched out in the recliner, I rolled my head to one side as I looked at her.
“Yes. Why?”
My grandmother set her plate down on her bed. “Well, since you started your new job, you’ve had something to tell me about every single day. And now, all of a sudden… nothing?”
I swallowed and turned away from her, looking at the television once more. “I don’t want to worry you.”
“Well, when you say something like that, it makes me worry even more. Fiona, you know you can tell me anything my dear. What’s happened? Did something go wrong in the lab? Or is about your boss?”
I looked back in her direction once more. Exhaling, I replied, “Yes, a little of bit of all that, actually.”
My grandmother was the strongest person I knew. As I looked at her frail frame beneath the bed sheet, I felt a lump collect in the center of my throat. Why couldn’t I just deal with them? She would. She’d tell them exactly where to stick their snarky comments and bitchy attitudes. What was my problem?
I closed my eyes for a moment. “I need for you to promise you won’t judge me.”
“Oh Fiona, don’t be silly. Why would you even think such a thing?”
She filled my vision once more as I reopened my eyes. I shrugged as I started to reply. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Try.”
“Um, I don’t know. I just don’t fit in. On the other hand, I never have, so it’s not really a surprise.”
My grandmother remained silent for a moment or so before she spoke once more.
“Fiona, I want you to listen to me, all right?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“My dear…” she began as she folded her hands in her lap. “You’ve made so much progress the past few years while you were in college. You’ve been making friends, meeting people. Whatever the problem is, it can’t be so bad that you’d want to go back to the way you used to be. You can’t hide yourself from the world.”
“I know.”
“I was so worried about you during those years. Worried you’d always be a loner, grow up with no friends with your nose always buried in your schoolwork or a book. But look at you now. You’re becoming a woman. And while I think the idea of an office romance is a bad one, it’s clear you’ve at least got him interested in you. That should make you feel good about yourself.”
As she finished her thought, I pulled my knees in towards my chest, hugging them close while leaning back in the recliner. If I believed Gabe was interested in me, she would have a point. But, I had no idea if he was or not, and at this point, my life in the lab would be far easier if he wasn’t. As I ruminated, my grandmother repositioned herself in the bed, assuming an upright, focused posture.
“Fiona, the truth is someday soon… I won’t be here any longer.”
No sooner had she uttered the words than the emotions of the day I buried came roaring back. Almost on cue, my eyes filled with liquid and before I realized it rivulets of wet heat ran down my cheeks.
“Please d-don’t s-say that…” I muttered.
“Well, it’s true dear.”
My upper body convulsed as the notion of her being gone from my life overwhelmed me.
“Fiona, come here. Come give me a hug.”
The springs in the old recliner twanged as I stood. Walking over towards her, I wiped at the fresh discharge of tears, drying my face as best I could. I reached over and hugged her frail body as my grandmother extended her arms around me. She patted me on the back, soothing me with ‘there there's’ and ‘it’s okay’s’. We embraced for a few more moments until at last she spoke once more.
“Sit down, Fiona. Tell me what’s happened.”
I told her everything. I left nothing out. Though I’d been keeping it all a secret for a while now, I didn’t see the point any longer. The situation was getting to be more than I could handle. I needed help.
“What do you think I should do?” I asked her as I finished. “I don’t understand why they are being so mean. I haven’t done anything to them.”
“Well, for starters,” she sniffed, as she straightened her posture in the bed again. “Never let them push you around, if that's what is really going on. Furthermore, the answer to their behavior is obvious, Fiona.”
“It is? What do you mean?”
“Don’t you see? They’re jealous of you. The only question is, what are you going to do about it?”
I shrugged. Reaching down, I touched my bracelet for a moment. As I did, I felt my grandmother’s thin fingers wrap around my shoulder.
“You can’t let them win. You realize that don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said, as I let out a deep exhale. “I know.”
“Okay then. I’ll ask you once more. What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know for sure. For now, I’m catching up as fast as I can. I’m doing everything in my power to avoid a huge fight with them, as it will only make things much worse. It’s getting more difficult by the day though.”
My grandmother reached towards my hand, wrapping hers over it until they both covered my charm bracelet. I glanced up at her, and a reassuring smile came to her face.
“Fight. Never back down.”
I smiled back at her. “Now you sound like Gabe.”
GABE
After the minor flare-up in the lab with Fiona’s experiment, things had more or less returned to normal. Over the past several days, I’d received word from Andrew that the apparent friction between Fiona, Amanda and Melissa cooled. As I mentioned, in any other circumstance, I would have put a stop to the catty bullshit myself, but Fiona needed to rise to the challenge.
Apparently, she had.
Even better, Colin informed me at the close of business yesterday that in spite of her setback she’d logged enough hours playing catch up. With only a couple more days left to go in the competition, it looked as if everyone was doing well, including Fiona. And so it was first thing Friday morning I'd invited Colin to my office to discuss the status of things over breakfast and get his input on the eventual winner.
We spent the better part of two hours covering not only the hands-on lab results but also the intangible qualities needed in a position of leadership. Going on his fifth year at a senior level, Colin’s opinion mattered to me. I had no question I could count on him to be objective and unbiased when it came to issues like this. We were wrapping up breakfast when we got down to business end of things.
“Okay,” he began, as he laid three pieces of paper out in front of us. “We’re down to the last three now. Amanda, Melissa and Fiona.”
“Our three musketeers.”
Colin chuckled. “Hardly.”
Amanda and Melissa had seniority, not to mention nearly three decades of lab experience between them. Of course, Colin and I were both aware of their behavioral issues. Either way, picking between the two of them could just as easily be done with the flip of a coin. Tabling the discussion of them for the moment, we moved on to Fiona, with Colin offering up his perspective first.
“Well, as much as I would like to pick her,” he began, as he slumped back into his chair with an exhale. “I think Fiona is perhaps a bit too young, not to mention inexperienced, for this position.”
I nodded. “She’s resilient as hell though, Colin.”
