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And damn it to hell, what a mess it was.
Just yesterday, I had a long conversation with the film’s director, Susan. Looked as if Maddie pulled another disappearing act. I pressed her about what she knew. She was cagey. All she’d say was Maddie still wasn’t well. Apparently lingering effects of the food poisoning she got. I wasn’t a doctor, of course, but if she was so goddamn ill, why the hell wouldn’t she go get it taken care of once and for all?
In the process of her recurring flakiness, she cost me tens of thousands in lost production not to mention trying to put a picture together where the lead actress is nowhere to be found. Unbelievable! Of course, I couldn’t mention my situation with Maddie to Susan. I didn’t have any interest in sabotaging Maddie’s chances. She was a damn fine actress. But just like with the escort business, she had difficulty staying focused.
Still, Susan was a pro. She’d kept things together and as much on track as she could. In the end, she left it up to me to sort out with Maddie. While she was sympathetic with Maddie’s health problems, she was deferential to me when it came to the final decision about what to do. And that is exactly what I had to figure out.
What the hell to do.
My hands were tied. I had no choice but, once again, to go handle things with Maddie myself, in person. And the list of people I could call upon was short. Really short. Carmen hadn’t heard a peep from her. So, aside from Susan, there was only one other person who would have any idea of where Maddie might be.
Katy.
When I asked her about it over the phone, at first she brushed off my questions about Maddie, dismissing them. Fed up, I continued to insist she tell me until fucking surprise, surprise, she’d also gone dark. Yet again, I was left with no alternative but to go out there and deal with her. And so later that night when I arrived in LA, I arranged to have Armando drive straight to her travel agency. I lowered the divider between us as he drove across town.
“Drop me off out front, Armando.” I said. “I won’t be long.”
“Yes, sir.”
After another minute or so, we pulled up outside the location. I straightened my tie as Armando exited and opened the door for me. Nodding in his direction, I snapped my jacket and walked towards the front door.
Like an animal on the hunt, my senses heightened as I approached. Tingles of intent shot up my spine. The concrete crunched beneath my shoes as I marched with focus. Nothing was going to keep me from Maddie for another goddamn minute. As luck would have it, the lights inside flickered off, and Katy emerged into the soft orange glow of the streetlight-illuminated night.
She gasped as our eyes met.
On instinct, I moved to grab her by the arm but at the last instant, thought better of it.
Katy’s mouth fell open as she watched me close in on her. She flinched.
“Look,” I began with the last ounce of restraint I could summon. “All I want is a goddamn answer. I know you know where she is and what’s going on with her.”
Katy crossed her arms at her chest.
“Grey,” she began. Katy hesitated for a moment as if she’d been considering what she’d say to me when we got face-to-face. You could always tell by the way someone moved their eyes. Up and to the left was to recall a memory. She tipped her hand as she uttered the rehearsed line. “You know, before you went to get Maddie from her parents’ house, I actually held out a bit of hope for you. I thought I even liked you. But what you’ve done, your callousness. It’s disappointing.”
I’ll tell you. Flying halfway across the country has a way of making a man dour and certainly in no mood for accusations, innuendo or judgment. The fingers of my right hand twitched as she sputtered her speech. I felt my jaw flex as I clenched my teeth.
Stifling rage, I glared down at her. “What. The. Fuck. Is that supposed to mean?”
Katy shifted in place but didn’t change the hard angles of her posture. Instead her face withered with displeasure.
“First of all, don’t cuss at me like that, and secondly, I think you don’t care what happens to Maddie so long as it doesn’t affect your bottom line. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the movie or the concierge business. If she’s doing anything to disrupt your precious cash flow, oh boy, do you ever come running.”
I felt the muscles in my upper back ripple and flex. I slid my tongue between my lips, readying myself for a reply but she thwarted me and instead, continued to ramble.
“But, when have you ever been there for her, Grey? Do you know the first thing about what she wants? Deep inside? Have you ever asked her how she feels about you? What you mean to her?”
I thinned my lips.
“No, you know what, Grey? You haven’t. And do you know how I know that? Because Maddie told me.”
“Cut the shit, Katy!” I snapped. Heat escaped from between my lips. “Don’t act like you’re a saint here all of a sudden. We had our own arrangement if you’ll recall, so don’t pretend as if you have no role in this.”
“In the business, Grey?” she began. “You’re right. I do. I won’t argue with you on it. That’s something I’ve apologized to Maddie for. We’re working through it. Like friends do. But the two of you, it’s different.”
I scoffed. “You don’t know the first thing about what goes on between Maddie and me. Save the best friend horseshit for someone who buys it. Now tell me where she is.”
“Goddamn you, Grey!” she shouted. “Don’t you see what’s going on here?”
I ran my fingers through my hair as she stalled. I bit my lip so hard, I almost pierced it. “Where is she, Katy? Tell me or… fuck!”
I raised my hand to my face and dragged my palm down across my mouth as I attempted to prevent a full outburst.
“No.” Katy replied as her lips pinched tight. “I’m not betraying her, Grey. You’ve hurt her too much. You need to leave her alone. Having you around is only going to make things worse.”
“Things? What things Katy?” I said as I leaned towards her. “Maddie owes me something. An explanation, for starters. I’ve got the equivalent of millions of dollars invested in us… her. I have a right to protect it.”
“It? Grey?” Katy replied with skepticism. “Is that what Maddie is to you? It? Another chip to be bargained? Contract to be negotiated? World to conquer?”
Katy stepped close and scoffed.
“Go fuck yourself.” She sniffed. “You asshole.”
She glared at me for another moment or two before spinning around and walking in the other direction. I turned my head towards the waiting limo, catching Armando’s glance in the process. His eyes widened for a moment and then he snapped his head back towards the steering wheel in fright. I swallowed hard as I realized the shit show I’d allowed myself to be reduced to in front of a goddamn strip mall in Westlake.
Jesus. Fuck.
“Katy,” I called out, as she turned the corner to walk to her car. “Wait. Please.”
She stopped.
MADDIE
The only place I could keep out of Grey’s reach was at Katy’s apartment. I even considered going home for half a second but uh, there was no way I could figure out how I’d tell my parents why I’d come back again or left without saying goodbye the last time!
So, I was stuck, more or less, and without Katy’s help I didn’t know what I would have done. Grey would be looking for me for sure. And, of all the places I could have chosen to stay, this was the smartest one, simply because he knew nothing about it.
With reluctance, I confessed my condition to Susan. For a period of time afterward, I managed to keep working and get in a good number of key scenes but soon, the sickness worsened just as Dr. Simms predicted. Anyway, Susan agreed to let me recuperate for a couple of weeks. I didn’t tell her about all my complications, including the FAS. I only told her Dr. Simms recommended bed rest as a precaution and I wanted to abide by her instructions.
Still, Susan gave me a deadline to confess to Grey about my condition and it was fast approaching. And, uh, I still had no idea what to tell him. How was it possible I found myself trapped in the middle of a horrible nightmare and a wonderful dream at the same time? What is wrong with the universe? Was I such a terrible person that I deserved this?
The days dragged like a funeral procession as I stalled for time. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. Most days I didn’t do much of anything. Even if I wasn’t on bed rest orders, I still had no energy. I was basically an emotional mess, and I had no idea what to do about it.
But, still. One thing made it all okay.
I loved… our child. Grey’s baby.
I would lie awake at night, rocking and humming, as I held my tummy, cradling the small bump. During the day, I’d find myself preoccupied with anything baby-related. I couldn’t help it. I can’t describe the feeling but it was the closest thing I’d ever experienced to pure joy. Besides, there was still a chance Dr. Simms could be wrong after all.
She said so herself.
And Grey. I missed him. He had a right to know, of course, but I was scared. Afraid he might tell me to get rid of the child and go to hell at the same time. I didn’t want to have the baby alone. Without him. Lying in bed, I touched my stomach as the idea drifted in and out of my awareness. I swallowed hard. I needed to come up with a plan and fast.
