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“No, I’d never expect you to convey that much emotion,” I retorted spitefully. “But I also didn’t expect to see you move on so quickly either. Shit, Sash, the sheets aren’t even cold yet.”
At her sharp intake of breath, I knew I’d gone too far, but I was too pissed and hurt to care. Rather than wait for her response, I pushed past her and walked into the men’s room.
Fuck!
I leaned against the counter and looked at myself in the mirror. How had things gotten so fucked up? The last few weeks had been amazing. Special. And I’d thought that maybe once I got settled and got my shit together, I could see if Sasha wanted to give us a try for real. Maybe I’d just been fooling myself and read too much into things, and I needed to walk away free and clear, just like we’d promised.
I decided to man up and go back out there and apologize. I’d been a total dick, and I knew I’d hurt her with my words. I needed to fix this.
I swung the bathroom door open, almost hitting Sasha, who was standing in the hallway waiting for me.
“I’m s …” I started to apologize, but she held her hand up, indicating I should stop.
“That’s Clark. From work. We get together for drinks after work sometimes and discuss listings. That’s all.” She looked so beautiful, and I wanted to take her in my arms. “You hurt me, TJ.” The look on her face made me feel like a total shit as her words slashed through me. “I lied. I did cry and eat ice cream in my pajamas. I have so much I want to say to you, but I think you need more time. I didn’t think you’d be ready to hear what I have to say …. And after the way you just acted, I can see that I was right.”
I watched her walk away, and part of me wanted to yell after her to stop, but I needed to process what she’d just said.
I stopped at the bar to order a drink, and jumped when someone clapped a hand on my shoulder.
“You alright, man?” Cal asked from my right.
“Yeah … I just didn’t hear you come up,” I replied. “Let’s go grab a booth.”
“Scott said he’s running a couple minutes behind,” Cal mentioned as we made our way to a table. “You look like shit.”
I nodded. I sure felt like shit, so I wasn’t surprised that I looked like it.
“I just had a run-in with Sasha.”
“A run-in? What happened?”
“Fuck, brother, I pretty much accused her of sleeping with a guy she worked with,” I admitted angrily.
“Why would it matter if she was? You guys aren’t seeing each other anymore, right?” Cal was looking at me a little too intently, as if he could see into my soul.
“No, technically we’re not, but when I saw her with that guy I totally lost my shit. I saw red. I hate the thought of her being with anyone else,” I responded.
“You love her,” Cal said simply.
“I can’t love her, Cal.” I shook my head in denial. “We’ve been friends forever.”
“Friendship is the best basis for a relationship.”
“But she’s rich, always has been. She’d never be able to live the life that I lead. Not happily.”
“What do you mean, live the life you lead?” Cal asked, confused. “She has a job, makes her own money. Are you saying in order to be with you, she’d have to give up her job, and her inheritance?”
“No, I’m not saying she has to give up anything. I’m saying that I can’t afford what she’s used to.”
“But, you don’t have to, because she can afford those things herself.”
“So, where does that leave me?” I asked. “I can’t live off of her like some sugar mama.”
Cal looked like he wanted to slap me.
“Are you being serious right now?”
“Yes.” God, I was frustrated. No one seemed to understand where I was coming from. “I can’t live up to her standards. I just can’t. I’ll never be able to afford it. What am I supposed to do, expect her to pay all of the bills? I can’t live like that, man.”
