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Did he change his mind?
Did he come here to win me back, or is he here for something else entirely?
Maybe he was here to tell me that he was leaving for France after graduation, I worried, then chided myself, Stop speculating and go out there and ask him why he came…
I smoothed my hair and checked my chef coat for stains, and hoped I didn’t smell too terribly like fried food.
I walked out into the front of the house, scanning the room looking for Brendan, which was why it took a couple seconds for me to realize that his brother, Brady, was the one waiting for me at the end of the bar.
Hope fled me when I realized Brendan wasn’t there, and a mix of curiosity and dread took its place as I took in the hard look on Brady’s face.
I mentally pulled up my big girl pants and walked over to where he was standing.
“Hey, Brady,” I began with a pleasant, if not cheerful, smile. “My hostess said that you were looking for me?”
Brady looked around the room, but I couldn’t tell if it was because he was nervous, or unsure of how he’d ended up here.
“Yeah, look, I won’t take up much of your time … I know you have work to do.”
When he didn’t say anything for a few moments, I prompted, “It’s fine. What did you need?”
He let out a long breath, then brought his steely eyes to mine. “You broke my brother’s heart,” he stated, causing my heart to stutter in my chest.
“I’m sorry that he’s upset, but I doubt he’s heartbroken. We were only together a short while … He’ll be fine,” I replied, suddenly feeling the need to flee. “But it’s really sweet that you’re so concerned for him.”
Brady winced, then scowled, before saying, “I know my brother, and I know that he opened himself up to you in a way that he never has before, and it crushed him when you said he was a waste of time.”
“Jeez, that’s gonna keep coming back to bite me in the ass, isn’t it,” I muttered, then threw my hands up. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out … I don’t think our time together was a waste. I was just as crushed as he was when I ended things, but I’m sure he told you why I did. Having kids is important to me, Brady, and he doesn’t want any. That’s just the way it is…”
Brady watched me quietly through my rant, then responded softly and evenly, “Are you sure that’s what this is about? Or were you falling too hard and too fast, and looked for any excuse to end it before you took a chance.”
“What are you talking about? I wasn’t looking for a way out…”
“Bren said you had a problem with the age difference, and I’m sure you had doubts about him, since he’d never been in a relationship before … Maybe you were just scared.”
“Look,” I began, starting to get annoyed with his assumptions. “I want to have kids and he doesn’t. Plain and simple. Yes, I’m older, which just makes the fact that I broke it off quickly more reasonable … Any longer and we both could have been seriously hurt.”
Brady shot me a look, which really made me want to punch him in the stomach, then continued imparting his wisdom.
“Maybe it’s time for you to re-evaluate what you want. Look at it this way … You raise kids for eighteen years, then they go their separate ways, and if you’re lucky, they let you in their lives on the holidays. But your partner will be with you for the rest of your life. Who you choose will be with you longer than your children, or your parents, and will be your companion for the rest of your days on this earth … If there’s even a chance that Brendan is that person, should you really be so quick to throw it all away?”
I let his words filter through my brain, even though I was quickly finding him to be the most annoying person I’ve ever met.
“Tell me this, Obi Wan, how many successful relationships have you had?”
Brady’s pursed his lips and rubbed his temples, as if I were the one frustrating him, and replied, “I don’t know how much Bren told you about our parents, but they had the kind of relationship that others dream of … Plus, I’ve been around Brock and Victoria, and anyone who’s seen them, knows that they are in it for the long haul.” He pushed back from the bar and looked ready to leave, but gave me one last nugget to mull over. “Plus, I’ve seen how miserable Brendan is, and I saw the look on your face when you realized that it was me here to see you, and not Bren. Just think about it.”
I watched him weave through the tables and exit the pub before I allowed the tears that were welling to spill over, then took refuge in the bathroom.
Was he right? Had I been looking for an excuse to end things with Brendan?
I had been finding faults with our coupling since the night we met, the age difference, the fact that he was a student, but I hated to think that I’d intentionally been looking for a way out.
I sat on the small sofa that rested against the wall in our ladies room, looking at the landscape of Ireland, without really seeing the beautiful portrait.
Maybe I needed to take more time to evaluate what I’d done, and what I wanted. I should probably talk to Brendan, instead of avoid him, and see how being around him made me feel.
Was I heartbroken? Was he?
