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His voice cracked when he said “fault” and my heart broke for him.
“I shot one of the robbers; he was coming at me with a gun.” I froze solid in his arms. “I had to protect myself, so I aimed at his leg and took him down, but he got a shot off on the way…”
Brady could have been killed.
I took a deep breath, needing to keep my shit together so I could be there for him, but, Jesus, he could have been killed.
“I went to the hospital,” he continued. “Sat on the floor in the waiting room until he came out of surgery. I’m shit at hospitals. Can’t take ‘em. When Brock was in his accident, that was my first time ever actually being in a hospital waiting room, but I hated it. I totally panicked. Couldn’t stand the thought that he could be dying just down the hall, while I was stuck in a room full of people telling me he was going to be fine. I was the same when Victoria had Dec and Rose. A fucking basket case. I get tense, it’s hard to breath, and every worst-case scenario I can imagine pops in my head. My parents died instantly when they hit that tree, but I still think of them when I get inside that sterile building. I know what it’s like to lose someone I love, and I can’t stand the possibility that I could lose someone else. That’s why I keep my circle small and tight, and do what I can to protect what’s mine. I’ve let Doobie in, and I could have lost him today.”
“But you didn’t,” I said, needing to interject. “He’s going to be fine.”
“What about Bronagh when she goes into labor?” Brady asked, his dark eyes pleading. “What if something happened to you?”
This he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper, but to me it sounded as if he were shouting.
“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” I promised him. I’d promise him the world if I could hold onto those sweet words forever.
“You don’t know that.”
“You’re right, I don
’t, but you can’t live your life being afraid to open yourself to someone. There are so many people who love you, Brady, who would have a positive impact on your life, but you’ll never know that if you don’t give them a chance. I know life is fragile, and I hate the idea of losing anyone that I love, but I can tell you that I’m happy I have them in my life. I’m happy you’re in my life, and I wouldn’t trade our time together for anything.”
Brady pulled me in and hugged me to him, then said against my hair, “I shot someone today.”
My breath held as his turned ragged.
“I never thought about it … All I focused on was protecting, really. I mean, I’ve had weapons training, so of course I thought about it, but not as an actual possibility. This is a small town, without a ton of crime, and shit, even Smitty said he’s never discharged his weapon. But, I actually pulled the trigger today, and I might have to again. I never thought about how that would feel. What it would feel like if I took someone’s life. What it would feel like if I made someone an orphan, like me.”
“You had to defend yourself.”
“I know.”
We were both quiet for a while after that. Both of us processing the things that had been said.
“Will you have counseling?” I asked.
“Yeah, probably.”
“That’s good,” I replied, tilting my head back so I could look up at him. “It might help you to talk all this out.”
“It has helped,” he said quietly, then dipped his head to brush his lips against mine. My heart was already melting when he added, “I’m sorry about dinner.”
Embarrassed, I admitted, “I thought you’d changed your mind. Stood me up.”
“I’m sorry. Next time I’m stuck at work, I’ll remember to at least send you a text so you’re not waiting around for me.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
“And, Ming? I know I’ve been careless in the past, but I won’t disappear on you. I promise.”
I nodded. Brady had said everything I needed to hear.
“Can I sleep here tonight?”
“Of course.”
He got up to go and lock the front door, and I saw him eyeing the proof of my pity part on his way.
