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There was so much that I wanted to say to him, but this was too damn hard on me. I kissed him on his cheeks and his forehead, and I placed my hand on top of his for at least ten seconds before I left him. I took my seat in the front row of the church, and I silently cried as I watched my family members come over and have their moment with Vonte as well.

My dad wrapped one arm around me, and we sat like that for the entire funeral. It was a full house, to the point that it was standing room only. My son knew so many people, and it was as if everyone wanted to come up there and say something about him. Hearing the good things that frie

nds, teachers, and coaches were saying about my son proved to me that I raised one hell of a little boy. It was finally my son’s coach, Coach Samuel’s turn to come up and say a few words. He got a hold of the mike, cleared his throat, and he began.

“I remember the first time I met Vonte. He was fourteen and a freshman. Cocky little something. I mean that physically, but I also mean it in terms of his personality. He could play ball, there was no doubt about that. In fact, before try-outs had even started, I sat in my office, which allowed me to overlook the whole gym, so I was already studying him and watched the way he continued to make three-pointers halfway across the court, never missing any of the shots. Two weeks later, the roster for JV and Varsity was posted outside the door to the gym. Vonte was only fourteen at the time, a freshman, so the rule was for all freshman to go on JV. Nahhhh, not Vonte, though,” he said, and everyone laughed.

I laughed too because I remember when this actually happened.

“That boy looked me in my eyes and told me how dare I put him on JV with the skills that he had. I explained to him the rules of why he had to go on JV, and he still wasn’t having it. I remember him telling me he was going to tell his mama and bring her out to the school. Immediately, I pictured a big woman, probably 6’5”, muscular like her son, but I was wayyyyy off. Vonte brought his mama, and she was maybe 5’3”, a little something, but to him, she was that 6’5”, muscular woman that I thought she was. That was his mother, and he thought of her as his protection.

“I remember Jashae getting all in my face, telling me I better put her son on the varsity team, and even after all of that, his butt stayed right there on JV, and the next year, he was finally moved up. Jashae, I want to stand here before you today and let you know that you did one heck of a job raising that little boy. Yes, he was cocky, but he had every right because he was destined for greatness. Easily one of the most well-respected kids that I ever met in my life. Earlier in the season, I remember pulling him to the side and asking him why he wanted to go to the NBA. Like everyone else, his answer was because he loved basketball and he wanted to play, but it was something else he said that had me feeling inspired by him, and I’m almost twice his age. His answer was because his mama had him when she was thirteen, and he wanted to do big things, so that you could see that although having him at such a young age was something that was frowned upon, he also wanted to show you that in the end, he could be that blessing for you. He wanted to make sure that you knew every day that choosing to have him wasn’t a mistake.

“If you don’t leave here with anything after this service tonight, Jashae, leave knowing that you did your part. God has him now, so let him rest. He’s going to be okay, alright?” he was speaking directly to me.

My face was soaked, and all I could do was nod my head, letting him know that I understood. Vonte would always say that he couldn’t wait to get to the NBA, so that he could take care of his family, but I never knew that he felt like he had to do it because he felt like he was a mistake, and he wanted to prove to me that he wasn’t. Yes, I was young when I found out that I was pregnant but aborting him was never even an option for me. I had the mentality that I was grown enough to have unprotected sex, so I had to be grown enough to take care of a baby.”

After coach finished, a few others came up and spoke. Throughout the entire service, there was someone in the back hysterically crying, and when I finally turned around to see who it was, it was Taylor. I still hadn’t gotten a chance to speak with her, but I planned to. The moment I could get out of my bed and go through a day without breaking down, she and I needed to have a conversation.

My son’s funeral was the longest, most beautiful funeral that I’d ever attended in my life. Once the services were over, we were back outside waiting to get back into the limo and go to the gravesite.

“Choc?” I heard his deep voice call out my name.

I turned around, and it was Miami. Like always, he looked handsome. The fact that he wore a black suit with a green dress shirt underneath made me smile. It was no secret that green was Vonte’s favorite color. He was holding the Vonte’s obituary in his hands, and just like me, big frames covered his eyes. He held his arms out for me, and I ended up walking closer to him, and I accepted his hug. I rested my head on his chest while his hands were on the small of my back.

“I didn’t want you to leave without me speaking. How you feeling?” he asked me after we pulled apart.

“Numb. I feel numb. Right now, it’s like my body cannot produce any more tears, but I know the moment I get back home tonight, it’s back to the floodgates. It’s not getting any easier,” I let him know.

“You know I got you, right? Like, for anything, I got you. I’m pretty sure you got a lot of people telling you that they got you, but on some real shit, Choc, I got you with whatever you need. So when you get back home today and you just feeling like you need someone to talk to, I’m here, alright?” he asked me, and I nodded while we came together one last time for a hug.

“You good, nigga?” I heard someone say from behind me.

I turned around, and it was members of the Miami Boyz, which were all Trip’s friends. It was about five of them, and even Trip’s mother was standing alongside them. I didn’t too much deal with Trip’s mother like that these days. Our relationship kind of faded years ago when Trip went in. Her and Vonte weren’t as close as a grandmother and a grandson should be, but that didn’t mean that they didn’t love each other. She looked nice in her black dress. She didn’t even look like she had a thirty-two-year-old son.

“I’m good, nigga. Is you good?” Miami barked back.

“I’m saying, though, you from the hood. You know who shorty belong to. You know that’s Trip’s girl, so I’m asking you if you good before you lose your life over something that don’t even belong to you!” Dino, Trip’s used to be right hand man said.

I couldn’t stand Dino’s ass. How was he the hothead of the group, but it was Trip doing life in prison.

“Who the fuck going to make me lose my life? You silly, schoolboy bully looking ass niggas? I got guns just like how y’all pussies got guns! I don’t take threats lightly, fuck boy, so take me for a joke if you want to because I’m in this thousand dollar suit. I’ll get this bitch dirty for you or for any other motha fucka that wants to talk to me like I’m fuckin’ crazy. Out of respect for Jashae, who’s about to bury her only son six-foot-deep into the ground, I suggest you motha fuckas get the fuck up out of our face and find a stump to sit on and sell five-dollar dime bags!” Miami barked.

I knew he was mad. I could see it in the way the veins in his neck were protruding. I wasn’t sure if they left out of respect for me, or if Miami really had them shook, but they left and didn’t say anything else. I looked over at Miami, and he was pulling down on his beard, watching them as they walked away. His facial expression was so angry. I sighed, knowing that I was getting cursed out tonight by Trip because Dino was going to run and tell what happened like the little bitch of Trip’s that he was.

As soon as I made it back home tonight, I was turning my phone off because I wanted this time to myself without any interruptions.

Mahogany Williams

“I don’t like girls who smoke weed,” Jabari’s shit talking ass said.

It was going on two in the morning, and we were in my bed smoking from the same blunt, just taking turns as we did it. I was ass naked, sitting Indian style beside him, taking a long pull from the blunt. We’d just finished fuckin’ not even five minutes ago, and my hair had sweated out, so it was pulled up in a ponytail on the top of my head. Jabari was sitting up, naked too, with his back against the headboard.

He kept staring at my perky titties, in awe of my nipples that I had tattooed into little hearts and piercings on them. The diamond belly button ring that I was wearing flashed in the dark except for the lamp that was on. My pussy juices lingered in Jabari’s beard, and the dried up juices were on the corners of his mouth. I swear I could only stand him when I was riding his face or when he was bending my body like I was a pretzel and giving me that dope dick.

I came home tonight because Jashae’s grandmother had taken her out today and told me that she would keep her at her house tonight. I loved my best friend as if we had the same blood running through our body, but I was thankful for this break. I didn’t want to leave Shae at the house by herself because, truthfully, she wasn’t in her right state of mind, and I didn’t want her to do anything crazy.

My best friend had just lost her son, so that had to take away some of her sanity. I came home, and the first thing I did was send Jabari a text message of an eggplant emoji, basically letting him know that I was in the mood to ride some dick. Losing Vonte had me sick in the head too. That was my godson, someone that I helped Shae raise, and I’ll never come to grips with how a good boy like him could just die like that.

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