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Once Mike left my cell and locked it, the first thing I did was look at the pictures that were hanging up on the wall. Majority of the pictures that I had were of Shae and Vonte. All the pictures dated back from when Shae was a little girl, to her being pregnant, and even some of her in the hospital right after she gave birth to Vonte, until now. Of course, there were a few pictures of my niggas on the wall as well, but my family was really the ones who took up a lot of space.
After looking at the pictures and wishing that I could go back in time, I got down on my knees and looked for the whole that I’d cut in what was supposed to have been my mattress for my phone, but it wasn’t there.
“I assume you’re looking for this?” a female voice said on the other side of the cell.
I looked up, and it was Raynell. I never thought that I would say this, but I actually missed her bird brain ass. In the hole, I dealt with different correctional officers. During my stay, I had an old, white man named Peter, who had been on the job for over thirty years, so I couldn’t try to get one over on him. The other officer was a white bitch who reminded me of a butch, so I knew not to even try to get one over on her. When I say get one over on them, I basically meant smooth talking the fuck out of them, so I could cure my needs. In other words, having them risk their job for my black ass.
As much shit as I talked about Raynell, and as much as I disrespected her, shorty did her thing by holding me down. She knew that if they were to have found that phone in here, I probably would have gotten more time in the hole. She dangled it in her hands and passed it to me through the hole. I quickly tucked it away in the mattress.
Raynell looked different today. Usually, she rocked her own natural hair, but today she wore it in box braids. Her shit looked good too. As always, her uniform fit her better than any other bitch in here. I didn’t know if it was because I had just gone so long without getting any pussy or if she was really looking good today.
“You missed me?” I asked with a cocky smirk on my face.
“Ummm, not really,” she said with a smile, making it obvious that she was lying.
“You heard about what happened with Jeff? Or were you here when it happened?” I asked, still not believing that Jeff went out like that.
“I heard about it after it happened. I been out for the past two weeks. I just got back yesterday,” she let me know.
“Oh yeah? Where the hell you been?” I probed.
It was like I cared, but on the other hand, I really didn’t give a fuck. She looked away for a few seconds, and then she finally answered my question.
“I was pregnant. The day I found out was the same day that you got in trouble in the visitation room and you were in the hole. I planned to tell you that morning, but everything with you had happened so damn fast. The more time I had to wait, the more the baby would have grown, and I didn’t want to let too much time pass. You have this crazy look on your face, probably ready to say that the baby wasn’t yours, but it was! Contrary to whatever the hell you believe, I’ve only been sleeping with you. You’re like the only man to ever give me attention these days. You and the rest of these dogs in here, which really doesn’t count because I’m the closest thing to a piece of pussy that half of y’all will ever see again, so I know that’s why y’all gravitate toward me. In the outside world, niggas rarely even look my way twice. I guess I have to have a five hundred dollar wig down my ass and some hazel eyes in order to get their attention,” she said.
I’d never heard Raynell sound so insecure. She walked around this bitch like this was her prison. Hell, I guess that uniform had given her some of the confidence that she needed. When the uniform came off, she was forced to show who she really was, which sounded to me like a woman who just wanted some acceptance from a man.
“Damn. I don’t even know what the fuck to say. I guess I’ll say the dog ass nigga thing that I thought you were on birth control,” I voiced.
She sucked her teeth and then looked away. My black ass was serving a whole life sentence, yet I had drama like I was a free man. Wow!
“I was! It doesn’t always work, especially when I don’t take them properly. You see the crazy hours that I work. Majority of the time, I don’t leave out of here until seven in the morning. When I get home, taking a birth control pill isn’t the first thing on my mind. Look, Trip, at the end of the day, I wasn’t expecting your sympathy. I didn’t expect you to question how many weeks I was, be pissed that I killed your baby, none of that. I knew the type of man I was dealing with when I started fuckin’ you. For my own conscience, I just felt the need to tell you. Like they always say when you leave the hole, welcome back!” she called out, and just like that, she walked away from me.
First day back and the bullshit was already starting. I wasn’t even supposed to be fuckin’ that bitch; I had a whole ole lady at home, and Raynell could lose her job and face time behind this shit, yet I still fucked around and got her ass pregnant. I needed to slow my ass down. This was the type of shit I went through when I was a free man. Bitches weren’t running down on me and telling me that they were pregnant though because I only blessed my girl with raw dick.
Only woman of mine who ever got an abortion was Shae, and that was a decision that we both had made because we weren’t ready. I was barely there for her or Vonte at the time. Now that it was over, I could admit that the real reason I made Shae get an abortion years ago was that I was heavy in the streets doing gang shit, robbing, selling drugs, all that. I didn’t want to be dead or in jail and leave her with two kids because I knew that those were the only two options with the lifestyle that I was living. Never thought that I would get a life sentence, though.
I was punching the air like a motha fucka these days because had we never killed that baby, at least we would have had a piece of us still here, especially now that Vonte was gone.
The rest of the day pretty much flew by, and I was happy for that because I was waiting for nighttime so I could sneak and use the phone. Although the shit that happened with Jeff kind of put a damper on my heart, I wouldn’t even lie and say that I wasn’t happy that I had some privacy in the room tonight while I made a few phone calls. I laughed to myself because when Shae and I were on good terms, I would literally lay in this bitch having phone sex with her while praying to God that his ass wasn’t eavesdropping to what I was saying to my girl. I couldn’t have him stealing my game and telling what I say to my girl to his.
Once the coast was clear and all the lights were pretty much out in all the cells, and I knew the officer who was going to walk the floors wouldn’t be making her rounds anytime soon, I pulled the phone out.
First things first, I needed to call my mama because I knew that she was worried sick about a nigga. Back in the day, my mama and I were close as hell. As I got older and served more years behind these walls, our relationship had started to fade a little bit. I felt like she resented me in a lot of ways since she would preach to me all the time about not getting locked up because I was the only child she had.
On the opposing side, I resented her ass too because she was my only blood relation, and I felt like she didn’t make it her duty to come and see about a nigga. Hell, I’d be lucky if she put twenty dollars on my books. To me, it wasn’t about the money, though. I couldn’t care less if she gave me a dollar. I just needed some type of fuckin’ moral support. When I got this sentence, I felt like she believed I died because that’s exactly how she would treat me sometimes; as if a nigga just didn’t exist to her. I dialed her number, and the phone rang two times before she answered.
“Giovonni?” she questioned.
It was a little after ten at night, and she sounded wide awake.
“What’s up, Ma? What you got going on?” I asked her.
I really was laid on my back, feet crossed, arm resting behind my head, just chilling. I was too fuckin’ comfortable as if I wouldn’t face some big ass consequences if I were to have gotten caught on this damn phone.
“Nothing. You know I’m always up at this time of night. Where have you been? I called the prison, and they only told me that you got in a fight during visitation, so you were going to be in the hole. What happened? Why were you in there fighting?” she asked, all in my damn business.
I didn’t even know if I wanted to tell her what happened or not. I just didn’t want to start any shit between her and Shae. Contrary to what my mama showed Shae, she actually liked her.
