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I knew where he would be. If he wasn’t in the bedroom, he was in that damn basement watching old boxing clips. Toward the end of the month, he was supposed to start back training for a charity boxing event that would take place a couple of months from now in Vegas. With the shit that just happened tonight, I knew it could give him a lot of power and help him build up some anger when he fought.
I was lowkey scared to face Miami, which is why I was taking my time to get to where he was. Although he and I didn’t get into it, I kind of felt like we’d just had our first argument.
I eventually made it down the stairs to the basement, and I could hear the TV playing loudly. The surround sound that he had in his theater room pretty much shook the whole lower level to his house. The door was cracked open, so I walked right on in. He was sitting down in one of the big, movie theater style chairs with a cigar in his hands as he intensely looked up at the screen. I swear he gave me that same look last night when I was bouncing up and down on his dick and hollering out that I was about to cum.
Listen, sex had changed dramatically from ten years ago. Back when I was having sex with Trip, I swear we just did missionary, from the back, and I would ride him occasionally. Sex with Miami was straight up shit from out of an erotic book or a romance movie. It was good. So good to the point that I couldn’t even fault Tahira for having his baby.
Miami noticed when I walked into the room. He looked at me for a brief second, and then he reverted his attention back to the screen. As if I was invited in, I took a seat next to him in the empty chair and wrapped the throw blanket around my body. I wasn’t used to being the cause of a falling out, so I really didn’t know what to say. All I could really think of was…
“Are you mad at me?”
He took a pull from the cigar that he brought to his lips and kept his eyes focused on the screen. Almost five minutes had gone by before he answered me.
“Mad at you for what?” he asked as if he didn’t know.
“I don’t know. Maybe for not telling you that he was calling me,” I said.
“Yo, let me ask you something, and be honest. You love that nigga, ain’t it?”
I hated that he’d asked me that because I didn’t want to answer it. I wasn’t going to lie, and I was afraid that if I told the truth, it would pretty much be a wrap between us.
“I mean, yeah. Toddrick, we shared a kid. I’ve been with him since I was a little girl. I don’t love him in that way, though. I haven’t loved Trip in a sexual, romantic way in years. My love for him is just love as a person. I love him for being the father of Vonte, you know? It’s not like the love that I have for you,” I said, kind of mumbling the last part because I honestly wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. I was just supposed to think it.
“Thank you for your honesty. That shit means everything to a nigga. Sit on my lap and tell me the type of love that you have for me,” he said, making me smile.
I kicked off my house shoes, and I slid over in his lap with the blanket wrapped around my body.
“The night you came over to my house after you found out from Jabari that I almost died in the tub from taking too many of the pills, I knew at that moment that it was more than me just liking you. You cared too much about my well-being, and that sparked something in me. You made me feel so wanted. Like, you actually cared if I lived or died. I saw it all in your eyes. It was the way I broke down crying on you, and you had a way of calming me down. The way you carried me in your arms while you took me in my room made me feel safe.
“I remember begging you not to go because I felt like you were the only person who could make me feel stronger. What’s not to love about you? If Vonte was still alive, you’re the man that I would have wanted him to grow up and be like. You’re perfect,” I let him know and kissed his lips before laying my head on his chest.
“I swear I don’t know what Ima do with your ass,” he said and threw his head back.
I leaned up and bit him on his neck. “Just love me,” I told him.
“I been doing that shit, shorty. You just now opening up your eyes to actually see it,” he let me know, which gave me butterflies in my stomach.
Mahogany Williams
“It’s positive,” I said as I walked back inside the room, where Jabari was.
Over the past couple of weeks, I had just been off. Everything had been off from my mood to my energy level, my hormones, and even my damn appetite. I just wasn’t myself lately. The thing is, I wasn’t sick or anything, I just felt off. If anything was bothering me, it was experiencing those migraines that I hadn’t gotten since I was a teenager.
Jabari noticed the change in me too, so he came to me a couple of hours ago and told me that I should take a pregnancy test. I swear when he said that, I spit my water out because pregnancy wasn’t what I felt was going on with me. I think my dumb ass fucked around and fell in love, and now I was lovesick, but these two pregnancy tests that I held in my hands with bold double lines on them had proved me wrong and Jabari right.
This moment wasn’t one out of one of those romance novels where the woman was overjoyed upon finding out that she was pregnant. I mean, I felt nothing. I wouldn’t say that I was shocked because these days, Jabari and I didn’t even know what a condom was. We had sex like it was going out of style. I mean, we were worse than two horny teenagers. Just the other day, I let him convince me to leave work early, so I could meet him at his store for a quickie in his office. In the middle of us doing all this fuckin’, we still hadn’t said what we were doing. I didn’t know if we were
dating, just fuck partners, or what.
Lowkey, I was scared to ask. If Jabari didn’t feel for me what I felt for him, I just might kill his ass. I honestly didn’t know if he was fuckin’ other bitches, but if he was, they weren’t getting too much of his time because I took up a lot of his hours. Here I was, a woman who swore up and down that I would never get pregnant and birth any kids, yet I had this dumb ass look on my face as I sat at the foot of the bed, hoping that those tests were rigged or something.
“You know what we gotta do. I don’t want no kids, and neither do you. Let’s not even linger on this topic for too long,” Jabari said, standing in front of me with the test in his hands.
I mean, no, I didn’t really want to keep the baby, but at the same time, I didn’t know why I expected him to be like one of those men who was happy about a pregnancy. For a quick two seconds, I pictured him picking me up and spinning me around as he told me how happy he was that I was carrying his baby. I pictured him getting on the phone with his homeboys with pure excitement in his voice as he told them that he had a baby on the way.
“You let me hit that shit the second time I met you! We don’t take bitches like you seriously. We don’t wife hoes like you!” For whatever reason, the words that Jabari had said to me a couple of months ago replayed in my head. Although he apologized for it within seconds and swore up and down that he didn’t mean it, him quickly telling me to get an abortion within just one minute of me telling him that I was pregnant had me feeling like that statement held a little truth to it. I wondered if I had waited two months instead of two encounters to have sex with him, would he still want me to get an abortion? Would he have thought a little bit more of me?
I had no idea why I was in my feelings like this. I never got emotional when it came to a nigga. Jabari wasn’t just any nigga, though. It was so much more than just good sex with him. We both came from broken homes, so we were able to connect on a lot of things.
