AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’ll call in the morning to make it then,” I commented.
I tried to stand up, but he reached out and gently pushing me back down on the bed.
“Fuck you got an attitude for? You the one said that you didn’t want any children. I can’t even see you being nobody’s mama, shorty,” he said.
I don’t even think he realized that some of the shit he said hurt. I could talk shit all day, but I never said anything to Jabari to fuck with his pride. His tongue was so fuckin’ powerful, and even my tough ass couldn’t handle it all the time. The last part caused my eyes to get a little watery, but I wouldn’t dare fold in front of him. I couldn’t give him that much satisfaction.
“Just out of curiosity, why wouldn’t you be able to see me being somebody’s mama?” I quizzed.
“I didn’t even mean it like that, yo. Like, right now at this moment, I don’t see it, but that’s not to take away shit from you or to make it seem like you have a flaw or you’re incompetent to do so. Every fuckin’ thing a nigga says to you these days, I feel like you get so easily offended. Had I said that to you a month ago, I felt like you would have laughed the shit off and said something slick back to me. Why you so damn sensitive these days?” he quizzed.
“Maybe it’s the pregnancy. Don’t worry, I’ll make the appointment.” This time, I pushed him out of the way so that I could rush into the bathroom.
Once inside, I closed and locked the door behind me then turned the sink water on and sank down on the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest, and I silently cried. I had no idea when the hell I became such a weak ass bitch, but I was her, and she was me.
I hated myself for falling in too deep with Jabari’s ass. I couldn’t even get with a nigga who respected me enough to the point that he wasn’t hollering for me to get an abortion within two minutes of knowing that I was pregnant. I had to leave Jabari alone because I didn’t like what the hell I was doing to myself. I felt like I only mattered to him when we were having sex. I only got called beautiful, bae, or anything else sentimental when he was balls deep inside of me and on the verge of busting a nut.
It took me about five minutes to get myself together in the bathroom and calm my ass down. Once I stood up from the floor, I went over to the sink and washed my face. Since my skin was so light, it was obvious that I had been crying. My whole face was red. I didn’t stop running the water on my face until I felt like I looked normal again.
When I finally walked out of the bathroom, Jabari was sitting at the foot of the bed smoking a blunt. It was almost seven at night, and we were both still in our work clothes. I was supposed to stay the night after we went out to dinner, but now I didn’t want to do any of that. All I wanted to do was go home.
I could feel his eyes on me as I went into his walk-in closet and grabbed my oversized Louis Vuitton duffle bag.
“You leaving? Fuck is wrong with you? I thought you wanted me to take you to Ruth’s Chris tonight. What happened to that?” he asked, coming in the closet where I was and looking down at me as I packed.
“I don’t want to go anymore. I’m going home,” I let him know.
“You so fuckin’ moody and bipolar. You were just sending a nigga text messages all day about how you were going to suck the skin off my dick when we got home, but now all of a sudden, you leaving. What the fuck, yo—”
“Because you don’t fuckin’ respect me, Jabari! Answer this for me. What am I to you?” I asked and threw the clothes down in the bag.
When I asked that question, my voice cracked. My stupid ass was really sitting about to start crying. Wow!
“Fuck you mean what are you to me? You’re my girl! I thought we established that shit already,” he said like he really had no fuckin’ clue why I was angry.
“When? When the hell did we have this conversation, Bari?” I was so mad.
“Last night! You don’t remember when we were fuckin’, and I asked you whose pussy was that, and you said mine? That’s when we established that. Bae, I swear you tripping. On some real shit, you sitting here packing and crying, and I’m trying to figure out what the fuck I did to you. Shorty, I been good to you, man. I ain’t been fuckin’ no other bitches, I come home to you every night, and if I don’t, you come here. I’m trying to do this whole relationship shit although this is new to me. Can a nigga get some type of fuckin’ credit? Fuck, man!” he angrily spat.
I didn’t even say anything. I just continued to pack up my things. When I was done, I stood up. I tried to walk past him, and he knocked the bag out of my hands. It fell on the floor.
“You ain’t going nowhere, man. You caught an attitude with me for no fuckin’ reason, and now all of a sudden, you trying to leave! You can’t go! I’m holding your ass hostage!” he said and placed his hands on either side of the wall, blocking me from walking out of the closet.
I didn’t even respond. I just stood there with my arms folded, looking him deep in his eyes and trying to find any clues that he was playing with me, but I didn’t find any.
“I don’t like that shit, yo. You really just sat there and packed up all of your shit like you was getting ready to leave a nigga,” he said. Jabari reached for the front of my shirt and gently pulled me into him. “I may not be that type of nigga who expresses my feelings for you 24/7, but Mahogany, I’m trying like a motha fucka. Any other bitch who I had dealings with, they probably think I’m dead because I been ghost for two months due to spending all my fuckin’ time with you. Work with me, man. I apologize, but I wasn’t raised around love. I ain’t never watched a nigga show love to my ole girl, so I’m going off the dome when it comes to what I’m doing with you. I swear I don’t mean no harm,” he let me know.
“Because you wasn’t raised around love is that why you want me to get an abortion? You basically just want to continue the cycle, right?” I quizzed.
He sucked his teeth and then pulled down on his long chin hair.
“Mahogany, why you doing this shit? I feel like you purposely trying to find a reason to beef with me. I remember the first ni
ght I stayed the night at your house, and you cooked for me. I remember that conversation that we had verbatim. You let it be known right then and there that you weren’t ever going to push no kids out for me. I was cool with that because, honestly, I wasn’t ready for all of that either. I still don’t think I’m ready. I can hardly do right by you, so how the fuck I’m supposed to do right by a child?
“I grew up having ill feelings toward my ole girl because she basically let me run free and do what the fuck I wanted. In the beginning, I loved the freedom, but the older I got, I started questioning a lot of the shit that she did. It made me feel like she didn’t love a nigga because of her inability to care about what the fuck I did. I ain’t got no type of love in my heart for my bitch ass daddy! In a way, I feel like my parents failed me. The way I feel about them, I don’t ever want my child to grow up and feel that way about me. I ain’t ready, yo. I’m sorry,” he let me know.
“Typical man. I guess none of this mattered to you when we were taking that risk and having unprotected sex. I swear, all you niggas are the fuckin’ same. Scared to be a father to a child, but you not scared to slide in some pussy without a rubber. I’m definitely going to make that appointment in the morning. I wouldn’t want a fuck nigga to have any type of affiliation with my child anyway!” I screamed then bent down to pick up the duffle bag that he’d dropped on the floor.
