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I went from feeling sad to just feeling downright angry. I hated Jabari, with his manipulative ass. Stupid ass knew I wasn’t on birth control or anything. I was even madder at myself for allowing it.
“Watch your fuckin’ mouth, yo! I don’t give a fuck how mad you are, watch your damn mouth,” he spat. He was angry, but I didn’t fuckin’ care! I was angry too, plus I was hurt.
“Watch my mouth or what? Nigga, you don’t fuckin’ scare me! And to think I thought your dog ass was different. I hate that I even let you smell my pussy! Move!”
This time, I pushed past his ass and bumped him out of the way. I had my duffle bag over my shoulder as I walked over to the foot of the bed, slid my feet in my slippers, then picked up my purse and put it on my other shoulder.
“Shorty, you don’t even believe that shit. Go ahead and get the fuck out. You talking too much big shit for me and if I black your eye, Ima be wrong” he said, walking out of the closet and stepping further into the bedroom.
“You don’t have to tell me to get out! I’m already leaving, nigga. I’m going home to my real baby daddy!” I spat, and he damn near jumped across the room to get to where I was.
I screamed and tried to move because all I saw was his big, cocky ass coming my way, and I instantly thought that he was going to hit me. I didn’t move fast enough because, in no time, he was on me, all in my personal space. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to slap the shit out of me, but for whatever reason, he didn’t. I knew he was angry because of the veins popping out in his arms and the hardcore look on his face.
“Didn’t I tell your ass to shut the fuck up? You fuckin’ another nigga, Mahogany?” he asked.
He had me backed into the wall with my arms above my head, looking like he was ready to kill me if I said yes. I didn’t answer him because I wanted to see him sweat. After this, I swear I was done with this crazy ass nigga. In the beginning, I was fine with the fact that this nigga had lost a few screws, but now, that shit was just too fuckin’ overbearing.
“Play stupid all you want. You don’t even have to answer it for me. I know you not fuckin’ another nigga. I just fucked you yesterday, and you still gripped my dick like a fuckin’ glove. You got me now, shorty. I don’t know if it’s love or what, but I’m feeling something, so if you even think about fuckin’ around on me, you may as well start digging your grave and that nigga’s. Put them fuckin’ bags down. I done already told your simple ass that you’re not going nowhere. Matter of fact, I want you to move in. Yeah, that’s what we going to do. You wanted to know what we are, right? Move your shit in here with me, and that tells you everything you need to know about the status of this damn relationship. I’m going outside on the porch to smoke. You done stressed a nigga out.”
He roughly brought my arms down and walked out of the bedroom. Jabari’s ass was so fuckin’ crazy that I didn’t even want to test him by trying to leave, so I took my shoes back off and took a seat at the foot of the bed.
My phone was sitting on the bed, so I picked it up to call Shae. I was so fuckin’ happy that my friend finally got some dick. Swear I wanted to cry tears of joy when he called me and told me that she and Miami had finally had sex. The phone rang a couple of times before she finally answered. From the wind that I heard, I could tell she was inside the car.
“Hey, sis. What’s going on?”
I smiled upon hearing her voice because I felt like the old Jashae was making her way out these days. I didn’t think that she would ever be fully over what happened to Vonte, but I could sense that she was happier these days. That’s all I and everyone around her really wanted.
“Where are you?” I questioned.
“Girl, I’m just leaving the office. Since I started back Monday, this has been the time that I’ve been leaving. Is it too soon to request a damn vacation?” she asked, followed by a laugh.
“It’s never too soon. I gotta tell you something,” I said, unable to hold this little revelation.
“Oh Lord, what the hell happened? Every time you start a conversation off with you have to tell me something, it always ends badly. Pleaseeee, don’t tell me you killed Jabari,” she said, and I had to laugh.
What kind of person did she think I was?
“No, but I want to. It’s worse, I’m pregnant,” I said.
The words felt so weird coming out of my mouth. I’d never even had a pregnancy scare before, so this was definitely awkward as hell for me.
“Girllll, I knew you spending all those nights over there was going to catch up to you. I’m sooo happy. Congratulations. You gotta have a girl. I gotta go with you to the first doctor’s appointment. Did you call and make it yet? Omg, what did Jabari sa—”
“Shae! We don’t plan to keep it,” I said, cutting her off.
If I hadn’t, she would have still been asking question after question.
“What? Why? Mahogany, why?” she asked, and I could hear the sadness in her voice.
“Jabari said that he wasn’t ready, and—”
“Girl, fuck what he’s ready for! That nigga knew what he was doing! The question is, are you ready?” she quizzed.
“Shae, I don’t know! I’m so damn conflicted. On one end, I wouldn’t mind being a mother, but on the other end, I don’t know the first thing about being somebody’s mother. Then, I don’t want to keep it and just become a baby mama and have Jabari resenting me after he already made it clear that he wanted me to get an abortion. On top of that, I don’t think Jabari and I are the poster picture for parents. I’m getting high with him just about every other day, and the shit we say to each other isn’t some shit that a kid is supposed to take in. Shae, I barely even know this nigga,” I shared.
“Sis, I’m sorry, but I hear a bunch of excuses. At the end of the day, it’s your body, so it’s your decision. Nobody is the poster picture for a parent. You learn to become one as the days go by. I was a baby when I had Vonte. I didn’t even know how to change a damn diaper, but sis, I learned. I know you want to have this baby. You’re good with kids. I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit. What I just lost, you have the chance to have that now. Motherhood is beautiful. It’s hard as hell, but beautiful, nonetheless. It’s not up to me to make this decision for you, but whatever you decide to do, just know that I got you,” she assured me.
We stayed on the phone until she made it to Miami’s house, and then I finally let her go. I didn’t want to ruin her night with all my drama. I ended up falling back on the bed and resting my head on two of the pillows. I lay there for a good five minutes until I felt my eyes getting heavy. In no time, I was knocked out. I was free from all conversation and thoughts of this pregnancy until I woke up and had to face it again.
