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“You haven’t been down there to the cemetery to see your mother in years. I was thinking maybe we should go and see her. We plan to get married, and I at least want to go down there before we tie the knot,” I said, holding Toya in my arms.
I knew that this was a sensitive conversation for her, and I never was the one to initiate the talk about her mom because I knew how sensitive she could get. Toya always talked very highly of her mother and she had actually played a big role in Toya turning out to be the lady that she is today.
“We can do that, baby, that’s no problem at all,” she said, wrapping her arms around me and kissing my lips.
We stayed laid up on the couch watching TV and then a few minutes later, Toya was knocked out cold. I picked her up and carried her to the room.
Once I had her tucked into bed, I took myself a nice ass shower. I had been in rehearsals and shit all day because the BET awards were coming up next month, and Quan and I were asked to perform. If a nigga would have told me two years ago while I was incarcerated that I would be performing at the BET awards with my day one nigga, I probably would have killed his ass for lying like that. So much had changed over the course of time, and I was glad that I was finally getting my money the legal way, and I had someone in my corner helping me along the way.
Chapter 19: Toya
Since my mother died, I had made it my business to go and see her every year for mother’s day. But this year I hadn’t, and I’m pretty sure that Dre had caught on to it, which is why he had come to me with the idea of going to see my mother this weekend. I didn’t go and see her this year for many reasons, number one being that I was pregnant and I knew that after I left the cemetery, I would be left with that ill feeling, knowing that she wasn’t coming home with me. It would lead to stress, and I didn’t want to be put in a situation where I suffered a miscarriage because of the fact that I was stressing.
I don’t care what nobody in this world says, you will never get over the pain of losing your mother. You may come to grips with it and be able to cope, but there will always be that feeling in the back of your mind, knowing that she was gone and never coming back. This lady played numerous roles in my life, and it was still taking some getting used to.
About thirty minutes later we pulled up to Caballero Rivero Dade North Cemetery. We passed through the gate and I showed Dre how to get to her grave. After driving for another five minutes or so, I pointed it out and he stopped the car. On the way over, we had picked up some flowers and I reached in the back seat to get them. When I opened the front door, I noticed that Dre wasn’t moving to get out.
“Have your moment with her and then I’ll come out,” he said.
I kissed him on the lips and then got out of the car. I was wearing a long, flowing maxi dress and when I walked, I had to hold it up, to keep myself from falling. I walked over to her tomb and noticed that the flowers in her vase were dead, so I picked them up and placed them in a nearby trashcan. After I finished doing that, I placed the flowers that I came with, which happened to be her favorite, a bunch of red and white carnations, with some baby breath between them. I took a seat down on the grass and sat Indian style.
“Hey, ma,” I said and immediately my voice cracked. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t cry, but I couldn’t control it.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t come for Mother’s Day, but I talked to God about you and he let me know that you were doing all right. I’m guessing you’re wondering how I managed to lose this four pack that I had since high school, well that’s because I’m carrying your gra
ndchild in here,” I said, as I laughed through the tears. “I miss you so much, Mommy, and I just wish that you were here to celebrate with me in my accomplishments. I’m running my own business now, I’m engaged, and in a few more months, I’ll be dropping this load. I just wish you would have been here to meet Diandre, Mommy, because he’s so perfect for me and I know that you would have loved him. It was even his whole idea to get me to come down here and talk with you. Even though you’re not here with me physically, I know that you’re looking down on me, rooting me on,” I said, and then I had to stop because my emotions were getting the best of me.
I put my head in my hands and let a few more tears cascade down my face. I felt someone sit down next to me and when I looked up it was Dre, and I noticed that he had tears in his eyes as well.
“Look how you got me out here crying too,” he said, trying to bring light to the situation, which caused a small smile to form on my face. This was the first time that I had seen this man cry, and I was shocked to say the least. He grabbed my hand tightly and began to speak.
“I never got the chance to meet you, but I swear I know you because Toya talks about you all the time. I don’t know if you know it, but this lady sitting next to me, you’re her hero. If it wasn’t for you, I know for a fact that Toya wouldn’t be the woman that she is today. You instilled in her things that only a mother can, and years later, she took all of those lessons and used them when it came down to me. You taught Toya her worth because when I approached her the very first time, she wasn’t having it. This lady made me work to get her and even now that I have her, I’m going to keep working. I love you because if it wasn’t for you, I would have never met my soulmate. Save a spot for us in heaven, Ma, and I promise I’ll continue to look after your baby girl for the rest of my life,” Dre said.
His message was so beautiful.
He stood up and then helped me up next. I looked down at her tomb one last time, and then, together, hand in hand, the two of us made our way back to the car. I knew my mother had heard every single thing that we had just said. I talked about Dre to her all the time, and I was happy to hear Dre say a few words to her. I thought that he would look at my ass like I was crazy, but clearly he didn’t.
Chapter 20: Quan
One Month Later
“Baby, I just want you to know that even if you don’t win tonight, you still won the war, and that’s all that matters to me,” my wife told me as we sat front row at the BET awards.
I was nominated for Album of the Year for 2015 and Video of the Year. This was my first time ever at the BET awards because when I first started, I was only doing mixtapes and not albums, so people really didn’t know who Jaquan was. Fast forward two years after that and now everybody knew exactly who I was. Dre and I had just finished performing and now we were back in our seats, waiting to see if I would win the award. Along with Charlie, I also had my father and my mother sitting behind me. After we told my mother what took place the night that Monae and I went to have a talk with our father, she was all for it. In fact, she wanted to get some clarity with him too. Life was way too damn short to be caught holding grudges, especially when someone was on a time schedule of when their life would end.
“Okay, and the nominees for Album of the Year 2015 are, Meek Mill, Chris Brown, The Game, Quan, and the Weekend,” Lauren London said.
I don’t know why, but something inside me was pretty much prepared to lose this one. I was going against other niggas that had been in the game way longer than I had. I sat there in my seat sweating bullets and holding onto my wife’s hand for dear life. For some reason, Charlie was so relaxed, like she knew something that I didn’t know.
“And the award for Album of the Year, goes to… Quan!” Lauren London announced and the crowd went crazy. I looked over at my wife, placed kisses on her lips and then stood up and dapped up Dre then gave Toya a hug. I quickly walked up to the stage with the biggest smile on my face that I have had in years. A nigga was beyond blessed, and never thought that this day would ever come. Once I was on stage, I was handed my trophy and I went to the podium to give my speech.
The crowd was going crazy, and I looked around at all the people, standing up on their feet for me. A little ghetto boy who grew up in the worst part of Miami, and the only thing I had going for myself was a damn dream that had finally been realized.
“First and foremost, I would like to thank God because without him, all of this is impossible,” I started my speech. “Y’all can sit down because this is going to take a while,” I said and the room erupted in laughter. “I would like to start off by saying that nothing in life was ever handed down to me. Everything that I have, I had to work my ass off for it. When I was a little boy, I used to sit in a roach infested apartment with my two homies, Dre who’s sitting over there with his beautiful wife, and my manager, Quay.
We would sit up until the wee hours of the morning, just writing rhymes. What’s crazy to me is that as little boys, we knew that one day this stuff would pay off. I’m talkin’ six and seven years old, and we knew that one day somebody would be jamming to our music. Along with my two homies, I had the sexiest lady in this damn room, sitting right there, and may I add that my baby is wearing that damn dress,” I said.
All the niggas in the building barked and the females clapped. I watched as my wife blushed and blew me a kiss.
