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“Baby I swear I haven’t messed with that girl in like fuckin’ two years now. I saw her the other day when I was coming from out the mall and she spoke to me and I ignored her simple ass. You told me that if I cheat on you again you would leave me. Do you really think I would put that bitch before my wife? Come on now baby. I swear on my mama that bitch is lying,” I said as I pulled my wife over to where I was so that she could sit on my lap.
Lani stared at me with those big doll eyes trying to see if I was lying or not. I continued my story saying, “She probably felt some type of way when she spoke to me and I kept it moving but baby I promise, I haven’t talked to that girl in two years, let alone touched her, so how the hell she gon’ be pregnant by me?” I said as I wiped the tears from my wife’s eyes.
“Okay but baby you need to keep your bitches in check. I don’t appreciate these hos coming into my salon starting shit,” Lani said as she got up from my lap to walk inside the restroom in her office to wash her face. Two minutes later my wife came back inside looking good as hell in those tight ass True Religion jeans.
“So where’s my food? I’m hungry as hell,” she whined as she gave me a kiss on the lips.
“Aww baby I totally forgot to get you something,” I joked with my wife and she looked as if she was about to cry. “I’m just playing bae. I got you some food from Finga Licking. Let me go run to the car and get it,” I told her as I stood up to leave.
Chapter 5: Ashley
“Did you see the look on that bitch face when I hollered out mother of your child?” I said to my girl Keisha as we walked back to my car laughing. At the end of the day, I still got my ass beat messing with that girl but I gotta admit that shit was funny as hell. Just so y’all know, hell no I’m not pregnant! I just did that shit to piss Tyrone’s ass off. I saw his sexy ass the other
day coming from the mall looking good as hell in his gray Nike sweat pants sagging off his ass with a V-neck and some crispy Air Force Ones looking fresh out the box. I was standing in the parking lot waiting for Keisha’s ass to come so we could leave when I saw Ty. I said hey to him and reached out to try and hug him when he shoved my ass so hard that I almost fell and then he said, “Don’t touch me bitch,” with disgust dripping off of every word. I tried to play it off until I heard Keisha’s loud mouth ass laughing like we were at a damn Kevin Hart show.
I was shocked at the way that Tyrone treated me and the fact that he dissed me in front of my girl didn’t sit too well with me so I was gonna make his ass feel how it felt that day I stood in that parking looking stupid. You see me and Tyrone use to mess around all the time back in the day but he always made it clear to me that he had a girl at home and that I could never compete with her. He let me know from the gate not to catch feelings. But what did my stupid ass do? Yep, a bitch caught feelings for his ass. I think I actually loved that man. I would do anything he asked me to and for what? I knew for a fact Tyrone didn’t love me. He never even kissed me or gave me any signs that he even liked me.
Tyrone and I met about four years ago at King of Diamonds when I was on stage dancing. Yes, I’m a stripper! A damn good one at that. He saw me dancing that night and the whole time I was on stage he was burning a hole through me with his eyes so I had to go over there and get to know him a little better. One thing led to another and we would mess around ever since. You see, I was only convenient to Tyrone when he needed me to be. Whenever him and his girl would go through their bullshit ass problems he would come right to me. After he got what he wanted, he was done with me and I would just have to wait for whenever he felt like meeting up again. One rule Tyrone always told me was, “Don’t call me. I’ll call you.”
Tyrone and I haven’t talked in about two years. One day out of the blue he shot me a text saying he was getting married and whatever him and I had going on it was time to dead that shit because no bitch came before his wife and also to delete his number. I chose to respect the man’s wishes and walk away from our situation with at least a little pride. I’m not gonna lie, at times I would get tempted to call his ass but I knew for a fact he would come looking for my ass if I were to disrespect his relationship that way.
So here it was two years later and I haven’t spoken to Ty since the day he told me to delete his number. I don’t know why, but for some reason that day I saw him at the mall I was expecting for him to reach out and hug me back. When he shoved me and called me a bitch I couldn’t help but to feel like shit in the process. So I told myself I was going to go to the extreme to get Tyrone’s ass back. It was Keisha’s crazy ass that came up with the idea to give his wife the fake pregnancy test. It’s funny because we planned to give the test to his girl but it just so happened that Tyrone walked in the salon during that time so I threw the shit at him.
I have to give the bitch props though. That Ka’lani bitch is pretty as hell. I only saw her one time in a picture on Tyrone’s phone when she was calling one night wondering about our man’s whereabouts. She reminds me of Tammy from Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, just a smaller version. For her ass to be so small, the bitch got a pair of hands on her. Thank God for Ty getting her ass off of me because I thought the bitch was gonna kill my ass up in there. I don’t know who those other three bitches were that came and started jumping Keisha’s ass but they really did a number on my girl. Her face was looking like Martin on that episode when he got his ass beat in the boxing ring by Thomas Hearns. As Keisha and I finally settled into my all-black 2009 Pontiac G6, we saw Tyrone walking from out of the salon to get something out of his car. As soon as we saw him we started ducking because wasn’t no telling what he would do if he caught our asses. When we finally saw him go back inside the shop holding food in his hands, I pulled off and got the fuck outta dodge. I was gon’ leave his wife alone though. I just felt like fuckin’ with her today. Shit, that nigga had pissed me off trying to play me like some cheap ho so I was going to take it out on his bitch! That shit was too funny though. That prissy bitch acts like she can’t take a damn joke!
Chapter 6: Ka’lani
“Who was that bitch Lani?”
“Was this your first time seeing this ho?”
“That bitch got some nerve coming in there talking about ‘Where Ty at!’”
My girls were firing question after question as we sat at the bar in Chili’s getting a drink after a long day at work. “Ladies, ladies please, if you would stop with all the damn questions I could explain myself,” I said as I took a sip from my watermelon margarita.
“Okay then bitch hurry up,” Tisha said as she looked like she was ready for another round of the fight from earlier. I couldn’t help but laugh because these bitches were nosey as fuck.
“Okay y’all damn, so that bitch was some ho Ty used to mess around with when me and him was going through some things about two years ago. I never seen the bitch a day in life up until a few hours ago. That night when I left is because I saw the texts in his phone between him and a girl name Ashley. I never knew who this Ashley bitch was until today when Ty called the bitch name out. I never understood why when niggas cheat, they go and find the ugliest bitch on the damn planet. Like my girl Joseline from Love and Hip Hop says, ‘Niggas will have filet mignon at home and still go out and get them a Hamburger Helper bitch.’” My girls doubled over in laughter at my crazy ass comments.
“So what did Ty say when y’all went in the back?” Tamika asked once everybody stopped laughing.
“He just let me know that Ashley is just a bird he used to mess with back in the day and he hasn’t talked to her ever since. He said something about they saw each other the other day at the mall and he ignored her ass when she spoke to him so the bitch must have gotten offended and called herself tryna get some pay back. And honestly y’all, I believe him because the look I saw in his eyes earlier was a look of fear, like he’s scared of losing me. So, if my husband said she just a bird then point black period, she just a bird!” I said, making sure my girls could feel me.
“So who was that fat bitch she was with though Lani?” asked Tamika.
“Yeah who was that ho?” chimed in Kyra.
“Honestly y’all, I don’t know who that bitch was but y’all beat that girl ass and Kyra yo li’l ass was putting in work too,” I said, laughing at Kyra.
“Bitch, li’l? Yo ass ain’t no bigger than me!” Kyra said, getting offended.
“Girl I was just playing with yo ass. Calm down,” I said to Kyra as I leaned over to give her a hug and she pushed me away.
I choose you, and if it ain’t you then it’s just not worth it. Keyshia Cole’s “I Choose You” started playing from my iPhone, indicating that I had an incoming text message.
My man: Bae where you at?
Me: Out with the girls. Why?
