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I nodded and didn’t look up. Part of me wanted to cry. I hated the job but I’d failed. It seemed like that was the story of my life. I’d never fight for anything and I’d always fail.
Then Margie had the nerve to rush up and try to hug me. “We’re going to miss you. You were always so much fun to work with.”
I wanted to smash her face in but I tried to smile. Her arms around me felt like a prison and the musky smell of her perfume choked me. I pushed her away. I couldn’t talk, the lump in my throat was too big. I headed to the elevator. The two of them were giggling as I left. The joke would be on them when they had to do their own work. But I’d not be there to enjoy it.
As I left, I instinctively headed for Trouble, then remembered. I didn’t want to see Jackson, not when I was all messed up like this, especially. I got on the bus and headed home. Everything in my life was ruined.
Chapter 32 Gina
I’D STARTED PACKING up my apartment but my heart wasn’t in it. I hated giving up in defeat but I saw no other way out. With only enough money to survive a few weeks, it was better to leave now than to wait until I got kicked out onto the street.
If I moved back home, I could get a job and save money. In theory. In my heart, I worried that I’d get back to that town and that house and I’d be trapped there for life. I’d never get away, never have a life of my own again.
I’d called my mother and told her I was thinking of moving back.
“I thought as much,” she said. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to last on your own. Well, if you’re moving back here, don’t expect to take it easy. You’ll need to get a job and help out around the house. There’ll be no free rides.”
I didn’t expect to get handouts. All I wanted was some place to live. I fully expected to pull my weight.
I picked up that teddy bear and punched it. Drew had said I lacked killer instinct and even my punches were weak. I guess the bear had done nothing wrong except look too much like Jackson.
Three garbage bags of rubbish sat by the door and I hadn’t even come close to finishing. I sat down to take a break. What I really wanted was for some miracle to save the day. Someone to ring me and offer me a job or maybe to get a huge lottery win.
Or maybe for Jackson to come through the door, sweeping me up in his arms and begging me to stay.
The lottery win was a more realistic dream.
I checked my phone, knowing there’d be no miracle. There wasn’t but there was a message from Drew.
Coming tonight? You promised.
Shit, I’d forgotten. Alex’s band was playing at Trouble and Drew had the night off, so I’d said we’d hang out together.
I sent him a message back, telling him I didn’t think Trouble was a good place for me to be at the moment.
But you promised, Gina.
I had promised. Maybe, I could go in early and explain to Drew. I had no interest in hanging around. I needed to be alone. I’d turn up, see Drew, then get back to packing. I wanted to leave in a few days’ time and I had so much to do.
If I saw Jackson, I had no idea how I’d react. I’d tried to stuff all the anger deep down. It didn’t help anything.
If I was honest with myself, I did want to see him. I wanted to see him so bad. But I wanted it to be like before. I’d expected too much of him and he’d disappointed me. Maybe that was my fault, I’d been asking too much. Still, I dressed with care. I put on a sexier outfit than I normally wore. I made sure I looked good.
Even if he was there, that was no reason why I should stay away. Just because Jackson lived at the bar, it didn’t mean I should miss out on saying goodbye to my friends.
I stood outside, looking at the “Trouble” sign swinging slightly in the breeze. It was trouble all right. I wasn’t sure if I should go in. It would just prolong the agony.
I took a deep breath. It’d be fine. I’d watch the band and hang out with Drew. It’d be fun. I opened the door and walked straight to the steps to the band room without even looking around.
It almost worked too until Carlie called out to me.
“Gina?”
I turned and smiled.
“You’re a bit early. Sally hasn’t opened the doors upstairs yet. Have a drink with us.”
I sat down at the bar. Was Drew around? I couldn’t see him. No matter what, I was always too early for things. I got too anxious about being late. Hell, not even Alex was here that early, and he was playing. I should’ve timed it better. Now it looked like I’d purposely come in too early. Because of Jackson.
