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He slid a hand around her hip, expecting a shove but receiving none. Her heart beat against his forearm, calm and steady. A pocket watch, counting down the minutes until—he sighed. He’d tell her. Not all of it, but enough. More than he’d told anymore in a long time.
“Where do I begin?”
* * *
Her heart stuttered beneath her jade pendant, another piece of her mother’s jewelry. She’d worn it near the end and it still held her scent.
“My cousins are perfect Truitts.” A wry smile played on Jay’s lips as the words vibrated into Ursula’s back. There was no playfulness behind it, like a scolded puppy forced to draw a cart.
“What does that mean?” She pinched her brow, picturing the two men again.
They were nice to look at and appeared intelligent, but neither possessed Jay’s shine. True, they were the ones who now held the Truitt medicinal distribution business—why J.T. Truitt was stupid enough to part with it two years ago, she’d never know—her father’d been obsessed with the transaction and the lack of gossip around it. Still, Jay’s cousins were mere “Hales,” Truitts by marriage. Unlike Jay and his father, none of their ancestors ratified the Constitution.
Ursula sniffed to herself before chuckling. Fiddlesticks, society was rubbing off on her. Hugo’s father would probably approve. She gagged a little.
“That means that they’re absolutely perfect in every way.” Jay’s voice held a foreign discomfiture. Gone was the lightness.
“They excel at everything. They were top of their class, always had the best marks. They’re socially fluent in any scenario, not too much, not too little, always making the right impression. They’re handsome but not flashy, and pragmatic and never do a damned thing wrong.”
He was serious. Dead serious. How could he not see what he actually looked like to other people, to her?
“They sound and seem utterly boring. When we spoke I didn’t see one special note. I’m sure they’re very nice, but you’re certainly more handsome, much more handsome. They don’t hold a candle.” She was rambling now, but it was Jay and he’d seen her much less eloquent.
“Anyone could attest to that and you’re probably much more interesting and well-travelled, and they may be studious and have gotten better marks than you and can probably read and write and add better, but there are things you can do that they can’t. They probably can’t play cards or dance as well, and they certainly aren’t amusing.”
His lips twitched at the last point. Thank goodness, as she was running out of breath. The sadness in his eye, the lack of twinkle—that tore at her. How could she get that back? If only she truly possessed his skill.
What would he suggest? She closed her eyes. What did he want—that would be what Jay would tell her to find and give him. She studied him again. Why couldn’t she help?
“If only my parents saw it that way.” Jay waved a hand, dismissing her and his own worth.
Ursula swallowed again, the glumness in his voice amplifying.
“They’re older. I grew up with them. They were what my father wanted, and he never let me forget it. I was always a disappointment. I never made decent marks and never stayed out of trouble. And you’re right, I squandered opportunities or more opportunities were wasted on me. The only thing I’ve ever been good at is amusing people and that’s not something worthwhile.”
No. How could he possibly believe that?
“I enjoy it.” The words, the truth really, sprang from her lips. “You make things like this—” She gestured to the door. “You make them bearable and even fun. And you astound me at how keen you are with people. No one can compete with you when it comes to parties or social settings. You can defuse any situation, with kindness so no one’s hurt. That’s admirable, Jay, very admirable.”
He stared at her, frozen. His chest didn’t move. Had she said something wrong? She was a fool. She should cut out her tongue and become a mute.
Jay clasped her hand and brought it to his lips. Tingles ran from her heart to her stomach to her—like water flowing on rocks. Ursula closed her eyes. How did he do that to her? Moreover, it was wrong, she was supposed to be comforting him.
“Thank you for that, Ursula. Believe it or not, you make these occasions more bearable for me as well, certainly much more exciting.”
He sighed. “I’ve made mistakes, many mistakes, ones from which I can’t recover, but when you say things like that or actually listen to me you make me feel—”
Jay kissed her hand again, his eyes closed. She leaned into him, their foreheads touching, improper but so natural, just to be, just to sit together, as almost friends. They held for a moment before breaking apart.
“We should rejoin the party, shouldn’t we? Make sure Hugo and his parents see us.” The pressure wound through her features, setting
just behind her eyes. The words were appropriate, but she meant none of them. If she could just sit on the chaise forever, impossible as that was.
“Probably.” Jay pulled her to her feet. Upright, they were so near their torsos almost touched once more. He paused. “But, before we leave, do you still want me to kiss you?”
Every hair on her body stood at attention. Tight yearning spread through her core even as her throat closed. Her “yes,” was hoarse, but audible because she’d make him hear. She had to.
His swallow was visible; however, he reached a hand behind her back and down, lower and lower, so it rested around her waist. He drew her to him and the heat, the flush radiated all the way through her body.
